An Insploration Expedition:
Paths, Perils, and Payoffs of Processing Among Friends
© 2009 Meryl Runion
Hidden genius
Several years back, I shared the beginnings of a song I was writing with my COWS group. (Circle of Women Songwriters.) Usually our COWS meetings were closed, but this one was open with several guests. My song was rough and raw – but my COWS buddies have seen me take raw beginnings and turn them into polished products often enough to be able to recognize the potential in my humble introduction. That was not true for the guests. They heard no hidden genius in my first expression.
Work in process is like that. If you’ve never seen a rough painting turned into a masterpiece or a draft document turned into a brilliant manuscript or heard a sketchy idea blossom into a fabulous one, you probably won’t know when you are faced with a diamond in the rough. And, if you’ve never experienced the power of processing, you probably don’t recognize the opportunity hidden in apparent discord. You’re probably tempted to resist “insploring” the break-down and block the process before it can bear fruit.
But there is something very exciting about an “insploration expedition” and something very sweet about a process carried to completion. I experienced that sweetness today.
Don’t listen to what I say. Listen to what I mean
I said “limitations,” talking about a body of knowledge she liked. I meant intent, focus, purpose. She said “that man,” referring to a teacher I respect. She did not know what I meant by limited. I did not know what she meant by “that man.” But when I wondered if I had made a poor choice of words, I told her what I said and what I meant. She thanked me for raising the issue, and told me that she had been grappling with her own choice of words She said her word choice “kind of reminded me of McCain doing “that one” to Obama.”
If I hadn’t raised my own word choice as an issue, she may never have brought up her own – and we never would have reached clarity and the resultant sweetness.
The path to PowerPhrases is paved with Poison Phrases
I confess, this is not a singular experience. Like my friend Julie’s ex, who called her “scattered” until he upgraded to the word “thorough,” I am prone to use words that others hear in ways I never intend. And when my listener is an audience of people who won’t ask “what did you mean by that,” I leave the wrong impression. I could resolve this by only expressing “tested” material. But my spirit leads me to continually communicate new ideas in words that make sense only to me until I find better words to express my meaning. The path to PowerPhrases is paved with Poison Phrases. We start every journey where we are.
Processing can be messy
Processing can be messy – like cleaning a closet. When my husband and I process (which we don’t spend a lot of time doing, but it happens) we sometimes feel like we’re digging ourselves into a hole instead of digging ourselves out of one. But we’ve done it so often and built so much trust, that we always get back to deeper understanding and love. “Why did you bring up how much TV I watch?” “I don’t know. Let’s explore. It could be because…” “Well, I’m wondering if you’re trying to tell me that…” “No, that’s not quite right, but…”
Until the light bulbs go on.
COPS and COWS
Thanks to the COPS in my life (Circle of Processing Supporters) for helping me to draw out the diamonds that start out so rough.
And thanks to my COWS group too. The song that was too raw for my COWS group visitors is now called All Sides of the Moon. It is one of my favorites. I would love to sing it for those visitors so they could know what beautiful flowers rough beginnings can blossom into – after 
a lot of insploration and processing.
I write more about processing in the article Get over it? Or get into it? The Great Processing Debate.
You’ll find that at http://www.speakstrong.com/GPS/articles/gpdebate.html
Reprint/Reuse Policy:
You have permission to use any of these articles in your newsletter, publications, or on your web site. Please:
1. Let us know when and how you are using the article via email:
2. If it is a web posting, please link back to this article
3. Place Meryl’s tag line at the end of the article with all her contact information. If on-line, please make certain that her web address links to her site. Thanks!
Tag line
Meryl Runion and Speak Strong (SpeakStrong) provides Power Phrases (PowerPhrases) and other tools to help you improve communication skills at work and at home.
She is the author of the books Speak Strong, PowerPhrases!, How to Use PowerPhrases, Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors and How to Say It: Performance Reviews. She can be reached at 719-684-2633 or by email:
