This Week in the World
A Risky Conversation Assessment Form
The Risky Conversations survey #1 results are in. 87% of respondents are aware of (in order of frequency) incompetence, intimidation, dishonesty or bullying at work. Of these people, 50% have spoken of it to the perpetrators, with 37% positive results and 63% negative results. 83% spoke to people in charge about the issues, with 40% positive results and 37 % negative results.
Risky Conversations are risky by definition, and you want to embark on them with the greatest chance of success. I’ve attached a "Risky Conversation Risk Assessment Form" to help you to assess the wisdom of initiating your own Risky Conversation. Let me know how the form works for you, and let me know if you think I’ve omitted any important questions.
When deciding if you want to speak or not, don’t forget to consider the risks that come with saying nothing.
Post a comment in our blog, here.
PowerPhrase of the Week
I'd Be Happy to Share My System
George was frustrated with Dawn’s lack of documentation, but he realized her poor record keeping was due in part to the lack of a system. So he said to her,
- I notice your documentation often isn’t current. I have a system that works well for me I’d be happy to share if you’d like.
This approach addressed the issue without being confrontational.
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Poison Phrase of the Week
I Have No Clue What You're Talking About
C.’s boss was over the top in rudeness in the email C. forwarded to me. Clearly C. was troubleshooting issues in the project, but C’s boss responded to his requests, instructions and clarifications as if C. was on a personal mission to make his life difficult. For example, C.'s boss' response to one explanation was,
- I have no clue what you are talking about.
It would have been better had he simply asked clarifying questions.
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Ask Meryl
Freeze Up
I work for a little non-profit school as the Assistant to the Director, and my coworkers sometimes say gossipy and/or critical stuff about my job or worse about me.
I have to fight my first reaction to say something Izzie, defensive, sarcastic, witty.
So while I am trying to find what would Pippi do in my head, (tick tock while they are looking at me waiting, foot tapping) I get lost and freeze up and most often say nothing and find an excuse to leave or I have an Izzie moment.
Then it is "afterburn" time, you know what I should have said and wished I had. So here comes my question, is it appropriate to go back and confront a situation after the fact? If so, can you give me the first few words?
I have avoided going back because I feel like I am setting myself up for further attack, but not saying anything lets it spin inside my head and makes me feel resentful and attack myself.
I want to try something new that is not a "set-up" for me.
Please let me know if this is in the book, so that I can practice.
Meryl Responds
You can go back and address things in the past if you want to, but it sounds like your associates will give you lots of opportunities to address the issues in the future. There are plenty of phrases for dealing with put-downs in PowerPhrases page 281 and How to Use PowerPhrases page 148. Some of my favorites are:
- That remark sounded sarcastic and condescending. Did you intend it that way?
- That remark sounds snippy and it makes me think there is an issue we should discuss directly. Is there?
- Ouch. That hurt. Was that your intention?
- I thought I heard a dig. Did I?
- I am interested in your opinions but not your insults.
It takes time to unfreeze, but over time you will find it more natural to think and respond on the spot. When you are disappointed in your response, ask yourself later what you could have said at the time. Actually speak those words out loud - it will help develop an awareness that will eventually be available to you when these things happen. It's a process and it takes time, but eventually you'll be surprised by the words that come out of your mouth on the spot.
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