This Week in the World
The Poison Phrase Police
A few years ago I chose “no problem” as the Poison Phrase of the
week. Recently I ran across a
posting by Dianna Booher that made a similar argument that
responding to a routine request by saying “no problem” implies that
the request could be a problem.
A comment on Dianna’s post suggests that she and the others who
object to the phrase are nitpicky, and have personal problems and
insatiable needs for validation.
The commenter both missed the point and made a useful point. It’s
fun to vent about the Poison Phrases that we have been offended by.
It’s helpful to learn about Poison Phrases to evaluate our own
choice of words. It’s useful to know how Poison Phrases affect us so
we can choose responses and avoid reacting. But if knowledge of
Poison Phrases turns you into a critic, just waiting for an
opportunity to be offended, the study of the phrases becomes
detrimental.
Enjoy reading the Poison Phrases in the survey. Let them
entertain you and increase your awareness of the impact your words
have on others and others’ words have for you. If you become the
Poison Phrase Police, be sure you are only policing yourself – and
when needed, letting others know how you want to be spoken to.
Post a comment in our blog, here.
PowerPhrase
of the Week
The
Issue Is with the Policy, Not the Representative
Kris was assessed a late-fee for being one day late on her
payment. She explained that the bill came while she was on vacation,
she had paid it as soon as she returned, and that the payment cycle
did not allow time for any irregularities in her schedule. The
representative told her it was company policy to assess a fee. Kris
replied,
- I know that you are only following your company's policies,
and I do not mean to take my frustration out on you. My problem
with your company's policy is...
Pleasantness won the day, and Kris had her late-fee waived.
comment
Poison
Phrase of the Week
Too
Sensitive
When Jill complained about how Randy spoke to her, he said,
- You’re too sensitive.
This phrase is one that insensitive people often use to disarm
those they disrespect.
comment
Ask
Meryl
How to Handle My Mentor?
I have enjoyed a great friendship with my mentor on my new job.
Lately, however, I have experienced being on the receiving end of
what feels like uncalled for "digs". One example is her asking me
"Isn't it your job to fix the problem?" when we were discussing an
unpleasant situation. Another is her asking "Weren't you at the team
meeting?" (that we had both attended just last week) when I
expressed that I wasn't following what she was saying.
She used to be my boss’ assistant, and when I bring up issues
with him, I get the sense that my questions are not welcome.
How do I respond when she make those remarks?
Meryl Responds
I would say,
- I would love your support with some of the issues that arise
with my boss, but I get the sense that you are uncomfortable when
I mention them. Would you rather I not bring these challenges to
you?
Then when she makes a remark that feels like a put-down, ask for
clarification. Say,
- It is my job to fix the problem. I was hoping you could help
me think through how to do that.
Or:
- I was at the meeting, but I'm still not following what you're
saying. Did I miss something?
Or:
- That sounded like a dig. Was it intended to be?
Check out your assumptions and concerns about what she says. It
sounds like she is a friend but she may have an issue or something
that she is not expressing. That could mean that you will need to
draw it out of her.
I hope you can get past the issue. Having a mentor is priceless.
comments
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