This Week in the World
Taking the Mask Off
I belong to a speaker email discussion group and this week I was
amused by a post from a fellow speaker. He said he hadn’t
participated in an ongoing discussion earlier so it would appear his
calendar was too full and he didn’t have the time. I was amused
because so many of us actually do that kind of thing, but of course
we don’t usually announce our tactics.
Yesterday I gave a presentation about rejection, and in
preparation I thought about how many ways we (I) try to make
ourselves look better than we are to avoid rejection. It becomes a
habit that is difficult to break. I play a game of “gotcha” with
myself to see where my disclosure goes beyond simply putting my best
foot forward into presenting a false front. I catch myself more
often than I like to admit, but I will admit it because it’s a good
habit to break.
It can be scary to present ourselves as we are without posturing.
Yet what better format could there be, than a presentation on
rejection? I told the tale of my struggle to become successful as a
speaker, and the rejection I faced as I developed my skills. It was
a very difficult few years. I remember one night comparing myself to
other speakers who were the darlings of the audience, and suddenly
it occurred to me…going out knowing the audience would love you was
easy. Going out knowing you were likely to face rejection was far
harder. It took a lot of courage to do that, and yet I did it every
day. Thinking about it, I decided I deserved a medal for persevering
in the face of all that rejection. Then I realized…I got a medal
when I was awarded the Certified Speaking Professional designation.
The medal is intended for significant contribution to the speaking
industry, but for me, the medal is for hanging in there long enough
to get good despite the rejection.
Sharing that journey was a
greater gift to my audience than pretending I was a born speaker
would have been.
But the greatest gift of being authentic is to ourselves. Every
time we pretend we are busier than we are, more accurate than we
are, more perfect than we are, or in some way other than we are, we
send a message to ourselves that what we are isn’t enough. And just
maybe we overlook the heroic nature of who we really are. Facing the
world each day knowing you’re perfect is easy compared to facing the
world each day knowing that being your imperfect self without
disguises might invite rejection. The funny thing about it is that
the acceptance you do get when you are genuine is worth more than
acceptance from any front you put up. The fact that you get to relax
is a nice benefit too.
Have a delightfully authentic week!
Post a comment in our blog, here.
PowerPhrase
of the Week
If
I Hired You
Yesterday a woman at my seminar told the tale of a rejection that
left her feeling great about herself. The interviewer said,
- If I hired you, the sharks here would eat you alive.
The interviewee accepted the decision as a gift and a compliment.
She saw it as a positive reflection on her that she was not
considered the right kind of person for the aggressive, hostile
environment. She was grateful to the interviewer for giving her the
reason she did.
comment
Poison
Phrase of the Week
You
Can Do My Filing If You Want To
Gillian had a spare moment and noticed Valerie was behind on her
filing. She suggested that she could do her filing for her, and
Valerie replied,
- You can do my filing if you want to
This response deflected the generosity of Gillian’s offer, and
made it sound like Gillian was offering to file for her own pleasure
rather than to help her coworker.
comment
Ask
Meryl
False Accusations
My boss confronted me with false accusations in front of
coworkers in a staff meeting that he said he called to air concerns.
When I discussed privately with him if he meant to do this he said
that I was an example to the others. He didn’t talk to me for
several weeks. Then he had a meeting with me & a coworker in his
office, and again made accusations and then put a note in my
personnel file.
When I discussed my concerns with HR dept., (a new employee) she
said that as a Director, he can do and say anything he wants. Only
if it is a sexual comment, is there a concern. She also said that I
am too sensitive and refused to believe that there was a
problem.
My former CEO who left about l yr ago now
said that our office is a “toxic work environment." HR claims
that there is no such thing. My boss is now suggesting to
staff that as my job is changing that I will not like my new duties
and seems trying to discredit me. Any suggestions…or should I
just throw in the towel? I have been there almost 7 years and
my boss 2 years.
Meryl Responds
Unless there is someone else in your organization you can turn
to, from your description it does sound unworkable to me. If your
boss is making false accusations and you are not able to defend
yourself, I don’t think you are being “too sensitive” to have an
issue with it. The fact that he is doing it in front of others
intensifies the offense. You may be right that he is trying to get
you to quit.
I personally would not want to work for someone who “makes an
example of me,” but whether you throw in the towel or hang in there
depends on how much you love your job, what other options you have,
what odds you see of the situation changing, and how stressful the
situation is for you.
I find it surprising that an HR representative would tell you
there is no such thing as a hostile work environment. I applaud you
for your attempts to address the situation, and I’m sorry that you
were unable to generate support. Perhaps my readers will have more
recommendations.
comments
Got a question? Send it to us at SpeakStrong. We answer as many
questions as we can personally. We may use your question in the
newsletter anonymously unless we are asked not to. When we respond,
please email us back to tell us you received the response and give
us feedback.
