This Week in the World
Speaking Strong as a Houseguest
When I’m a houseguest, I appreciate the hospitality I’m shown,
and I attempt make things work as they are in a desire to minimize
my impact. That’s why when I noticed the new-house fumes from the
carpet in my friends’ guest room, I tried opening the windows to see
if that would dissipate the fumes enough for me to make it through
the night without too strong a reaction.
When I opened the windows I discovered two baby bunnies that had
fallen into the window well. My friends and I had quite an adventure
getting them out.
I realized the fumes were too strong and I knew if I slept there
I would wake up puffy-eyed and headachy, so I mentioned the problem
to my friends. They gladly resettled me in another room.
Rather than being offended, my friend called me later to thank me
for pointing the problem out. She too is sensitive to toxins, but
had stopped noticing them. By speaking up, she became aware of the
impact on her and put some air filters in the area to help the
out-gassing process. It was good to know that my Speaking Strong
benefited her as well as me.
In the perfect world I envision, there is never a question
whether to speak up about an issue like this, about money
differences mentioned in this week's success story or sharing
expertise as mentioned in today's PowerPhrase. In my perfect world
we can express our needs, desires and opinions freely. While the
world does not match the perfect world I envision, the more we share
the vision the more real it becomes…at the very least, for ourselves
and those who are affected by us. I hope your week matches your
vision of a perfect world of open sharing..
Post a comment in our blog, here.
PowerPhrase
of the Week
We
See This Project Differently, and That's Why I Believe We Can Learn
From Each Other
Warren and his coworker had drastically different ideas about how
the project should be managed, as creatives and technicals often do.
Warren was ready for a fight and felt sure his coworker would be
too, so he decided to communicate a goal that would preclude that.
He opened the conversation by saying,
- We see this project differently, and that’s why I believe we
can learn from each other. I don’t agree with your approach on a
number of issues, but I respect your expertise so I’d like for us
to understand each other’s positions and see if we can create a
vision for the project that incorporates both of our separate
expertise.
When you anticipate hostility in a discussion, it’s often wise to
speak first of the conversation itself and the desired goals. Of
course Warren had to remain open to his coworker, but when he did,
he found his coworker more open to him than he had anticipated.
comment
Poison
Phrase of the Week
Wannabees
In every industry there are individuals at varying levels of
success. There are those who have mastered the art, those who have
some degree of success, and those who have a desire to develop in
the area. Sometimes those with more experience in an area refer to
the newcomers as
- wannabees.
I’ve heard people refer to speaker and author wannabees, and I
find it dismissive. It implies a posturing rather than desire and
intent. You never know what unmanifest greatness is inside someone,
and if you dismiss them as wannabees, you will probably never find
out.
comment
Ask
Meryl
How Do You Turn Down a Date?
This may seem to be an age-old, but silly, question. Can you give
some suggestions for how a woman can politely turn down a date –
both in the moment of when she is asked and also for when she wants
to break a date she (reluctantly) accepted?
I find that I sometimes will accept a date that I really don’t
want – I think I’m momentarily stunned and don’t know what to say
other than ‘yes.’ Then later I have to find a way to politely break
the date. It’s very awkward. Friends suggest that I say an
ex-boyfriend returned in my life or that I recently met someone
else. Worse yet, some say I should just not return any phone calls
and blow the guy off. All are answers that require me to lie or be
really rude. I’d rather have a more honest approach that I can be
proud of.
I think many women suffer from my “problem.” We’re strong,
confident women who have no problem saying ‘no’ in our professional
life, but when put on the spot in our personal lives, we may say
‘yes’ to a date, not wanting to hurt the other party’s feelings.
After all, it takes guts to ask someone out so I don’t believe in
unnecessarily damaging someone’s self esteem.
Meryl Responds
Age old indeed. And not a bit silly. Truthfully I never did find
a great way to say it.
I agree it does take courage for some men to ask a woman out. I
also know that there are other men who are so assured of their
greatness that they assume any woman who says no is playing hard to
get or there must be something wrong with her. It helps if you have
an idea of which kind you’re dealing with. While I prefer to err on
the side of kindness, I also know there are times when a refusal
needs to be strong, clear and definite.
Of course it’s always nice if you have an impersonal compelling
reason to offer such as,
- Thanks for asking, but I’m seeing someone.
One drawback is that sets you up for a new offer if that changes.
Know that you don’t have to give a reason. You
can say,
- No thanks, but I do appreciate your asking.
If you want to give a reason, rather than implying it’s about
them, express it in terms of not being a good fit. Say,
- Thanks for asking, but I’m going to pass on your offer. I
don’t believe we’re a good match.
Or;
- Thanks for asking. I don’t believe it would be right for
either of us, so I am going to decline.
I’m sure my readers will have plenty more to contribute to this
discussion.
comments
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