This Week in the World
Bizarre News in a Stunning News Week
It
was a stunning week in the news. Reports of shootings, controversial
legislation and the exposure of scandal, “failure to tell the truth”
and cover-up are enough to make anyone question the world we live in.
And
then there's the report of the unethical and potentially illegal means
the corporation HP took to catch a leaker on their board. Impersonating
journalists to obtain phone records was only one of many tactics they
employed.
The disclosures themselves were
benign or even favorable, and what makes the story most bizarre is that
no one ever asked the board
members who was responsible for them. The leaker, board member George
Keyworth, said no one asked directly and had they asked he would have
told them.
Wouldn't
it be great if the rest of the craziness in the world could be resolved
by asking? You never know until you try. Have a great week of simple
and effective communication.
Post a comment in our blog, here.
PowerPhrase of the Week
Is There Anything You Want to Complain About?
Barbara
is a hospice nurse extraordinaire. She finds that many people are
hesitant to say what they need to, and she has designed phrases to help
her draw the information out. One of her favorites is,
- Is there anything you want to complain about?
She finds that this invitation helps her get information she otherwise would not.
The
risk with this phrase is that it focuses people on the negative, so
make sure you want to know before you ask it. In other situations you
may choose to ask,
- Do you have any suggestions for me?
- Are there some changes you would like to see?
These questions invite a broader range of responses.
comment
Poison Phrase of the Week
Failure to Tell the Truth
Bob Woodward referred to
- A failure to tell the truth
In my book, “a failure to tell the truth” is a lie and to use that phrase is a “failure to SpeakStrong.”
comment
Ask Meryl
How Do You Turn Down a Meeting Request?
I believe that I 'spoke strong' but my boss felt I was rude....
Today I received an Outlook meeting invitation to catch my boss up to speed on a project. He asked to meet at 4pm or 4:30pm.
I declined the meeting in Outlook and at the bottom I typed: "4pm or
4:30pm is not a good time for me today. I was here at 6:15am and will
leave around 3:30pm. I will be in early (wee early) 6am tomorrow and my
day is open. Can we meet tomorrow? Or you may call me in the evening at
home anytime."
It turns out that I just
couldn't leave at 3:30pm and I ended up staying anyways for another
issue. I called my boss and told him that I could stop by at 4:30pm. We
had our meeting, and things went ok.
As I
was leaving he stopped me to say: "There is one thing that I want to
talk to you about that has nothing to do with this project. I'd like to
give you warning on how you speak to higher ups when they are asking
you to be in a meeting." (In that particular moment I was caught off
guard because I didn't remember what he was referring to.) So I said,
"I don't know what you are referring to, please explain it to me."
He proceeded, "Well, you might upset or offend a higher up when you
respond 'xxx time is not good for me.' Be cautious on what you say
because someone else might not be as understanding as I am."
So, in my 'Speak Strong' words, I told him that I'm glad he pointed
that out to me if something like that bothered him, but I did not feel
that it was necessary for him to speak on someone else's behalf. Also,
I told him that I did not believe that my words were cross, misleading,
or rude and that I was being honest. He rebutted and repeated himself
using other words, so I left it alone with, 'I feel that we disagree on
this issue and I will adjust if necessary when someone asks me to."
Now that I’m home, I'm stewing a little because I feel like he was not
being honest to me. It was my boss that actually has an issue with the
words I used and he disguised his feelings through someone else.
I'd like your opinion in that, this boss is new to me (less than 1
month) and he is already excessively micro managing my work. His words
today are another signal to me that he will continue to be challenging
to me unless I 'nip it in the bud'.
Meryl Responds
This may be a wording issue or it may be a control issue. It's possible
he didn't like how you said it or he might not like the idea that
you're not at his beckon call. My proof-reader pointed out that she
finds the phrase higher ups to be a Poison Phrase and I agree, it
implies a sense of dominence rather than teamwork. I think it would be
useful to find out more about how he sees your role. I suggest you ask:
- How would you like for me to handle that kind of situation in the future?
- Were you upset by my declining the invitation or by how I worded it?
- Do you think it unreasonable for me to decline a meeting if it's after my planned departure time?
I
agree he was indirectly telling you HE didn't like what you said, and I
would respond as if he had spoken for himself. I often mentally
translate things people say into a better wording so I can respond
directly to the issues.
Before you speak, be
sure your attitude is a partnering one rather than adversarial. Your
"nip it in the bud" comment is well taken, however, I think it would to
be better to word your goal as to get clear about how you can best
support each other and work together.
I hope this helps. Let me know.
comments
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