This Week in the World
A Question Fast
“You’ve
been asking a lot of questions today,” my husband remarked, sounding
annoyed. I was taken aback and tempted to defend myself, but a second
look suggested a different response. My questions were mostly
unnecessary, he was busy and feeling overwhelmed, and my questions felt
like an added burden to him at that time.
I
recognized my habit of asking questions – who called – what are your
plans – why are you having that for lunch – etc. Questioning can be a
good habit, but like all habits, when overdone it’s a liability. I
decided to apply some of my communication tools to become more aware of
what I was doing and to change the pattern.
I
committed to a one day question fast – to go for a day without asking
my husband a single question. In the course of the day, I was amazed by
how many impulses to ask questions I had. I refrained from asking most
of them, there were a few I had to ask, and a few slipped in
surreptitiously, but overall it was a lovely, harmonious, question-free
day.
I’m back to asking questions, but not so many.
What
communication habits do you have that don’t serve you? Perhaps you’ll
want to go for a day without criticizing, using sarcasm, or
self-deprecation. My husband once had a day where he decided to agree
with everything I said. I had no idea he was doing it – I only knew we
were getting along great.
If you decide to have your own speech-habit fast, tell me how it goes, will you?
Post a comment in our blog, here.
PowerPhrase of the Week
That Was Good Thinking
Stefanie
figured out how to change the format of a form to make it compatible
with other departments' formats. When her boss learned the logic behind
each application she used, he said,
He
could have complimented her for her idea, but what he was really
impressed with – and what he wanted to encourage – was her thinking
process. The comment hit Stefanie deeper than a compliment on her idea
would have.
comment
Poison Phrase of the Week
If It Was You, Don't Do That
“Are
you the one telling people they get free shipping?” Joe asked Cindi?
Cindi never would have done that, and denied it three times, but even
so, Joe closed the conversation by saying,
-Well, if it was you, don’t do that.
It was clear to Cindi that despite her denials Joe did not believe her. The remark was unnecessarily dismissive.
comment
Ask Meryl
A Raise in Limbo
I asked my boss for a raise to cover cost of living back in March, and
he asked me to write my job description down, which I did. He promised
to get back to me if a few weeks. It’s January and I haven’t heard
anything. I see him every day, but he doesn’t bring it up. Can you help
me with how to ask?
Meryl Responds
If your boss said it would take a few weeks and it has been many
months, you need to speak up. He dropped the ball, but the fact is;
it’s your raise, your life and your responsibility to look out for
yourself. Say,
- It’s
been nine months since we first discussed my raise and I’m starting to
think it’s been forgotten. When can I expect a response?
Get him to give you an exact date. Then say,
- If I haven’t heard about it by then, I’ll ask again.
You can also say,
- I provided the job description you asked for – is there anything else you need from me that could help this process?
There is no objective reason for you to refrain from asking about this. My guess is he’s forgotten, and needs to be reminded.
comments
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