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This Week in the World
Go for the Sizzle but Avoid the Smoke
During a conversation on writing copy and self-promotional materials, a friend mentioned loving a political pundit who is well-known for her caustic denigration of anyone who disagrees with her positions. He told me, “She really says what she means.” I differ. My response to him was, “I don’t believe she says what she means. I believe she says what she thinks will serve her and her handlers.
I’m all for emphasizing the sizzle on the steak, but when it starts to become smoke that obscures rather than clarifies, I don’t endorse it or want to practice it myself.”
PowerPhrases are about clarity. I endorse putting your best foot forward, not putting a false front forward.
I just watched The Smartest Guys in the Room about the Enron debacle. The documentary illustrates how so many can buy into smoke and mirrors and stop asking questions. Colin Whitehead, a former Enron trader said, “I didn’t ask questions because I didn’t want answers.” Former Enron VP Sharon Watson said, “I couldn’t believe so many people were going along.” They went along because, like Rod Stewart in his hit song, they were looking for a “Reason to Believe.”
I advocate persuasion based on clarity. Political wordsmith Frank Luntz author of the book Words That Work is good at what he does but has a different definition of what it means for words to work than I do. Some define words that work as whatever gets people to do what you want, even when your words mislead. Enron’s Jeffrey Skilling found words that worked when he encouraged employees to keep their Enron stock while he was dumping his. Skilling’s words do not qualify as PowerPhrases.
Go ahead and point out how the steak sizzles. But stop short of smoke and mirrors. The truth has more lasting value, and you get to keep your soul when you tell it.
Post a comment in our blog, here.
PowerPhrase of the Week
This Is Perfect
After my second attempt to get my paperwork right, the specialist responded to my proposal by saying,
That worked for me. She could have said it was correct or it would do, but by saying it was perfect, I felt affirmed.
Calling it perfect was sizzle-on-the-steak talk. Of course if it hadn’t met her requirements, calling it perfect would have been more like smoke-obscuring-the-steak talk. Go for the sizzle, but avoid the smoke.
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Learn the words to catch your listener's interest at: PowerPhrases: The Perfect Words to Say it Right and Get the Results You Want
Poison Phrase of the Week
That Was Greeting, Not a Question
When Mike asked Sally how she was, she thought he wanted to know. When she started to answer, Mike said,
- That was a greeting, not a question.
Any guesses why they’re not married anymore?
If you don’t really want an answer, choose another greeting for people who don’t get your intent when you ask how they are.
Bonus Poison Phrase
We
Barbara McNichol's latest "Door Opener" newsletter contains an interesting promotional copy writing example of how using "we" phrases instead of "you" phrases misses the opportunity to engage the reader. Click here and scroll down to "Word Wrangler."
Learn more about avoiding the use of Poison Phrases that create resistance in How to Use PowerPhrases.
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Ask Meryl
Obviously You Don't Want to Talk to Me
Meryl,
I was away at a meeting last night, and this morning was in the middle of my yoga routine when the phone rang. No, I did not stop what I was doing and jump up to see who it was. I thought that if it was important, they would leave me a message, and I could get back to them after I finished what I was doing. The message was from my ex and it started with.
- Obviously you don't want to talk to me.
Later in the morning he phoned me at work and I explained (again) how much that sentence annoys me and it is not the case at all. I told him how busy I have been and he replied that he thought I must be screening the calls and ignoring him. I have never done that, yet he uses the phrase continually. How do I stop him saying that?
Meryl's Response
Either he really believes you don’t want to talk to him, or he is using the phrase manipulatively to guilt-trip you into responding sooner to prove him wrong. I’d ask him clarifying questions. Ask,
- Do you say that because you really believe I deliberately avoid talking to you?
- What do you consider a reasonable response time in a non-emergency?
- I consider it appropriate to respond at more convenient times for me if it’s not an emergency. Can you be comfortable with that?
- What have I done to lead you to believe when I don’t pick up it’s because I don’t want to talk to you?
You could even ask,
- Do you say that in an attempt to get me to return your calls sooner than I otherwise would?
You also could respond,
- When I’m practicing yoga, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I’m very happy to talk to you now.
If this phrase persists you can say,
- I’m sorry you believe that since it’s not true. I don’t know how to convince you otherwise so I will stop trying.
Of course you always have the option of deciding it’s his problem. If you’ve been clear, it is.
Comments
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Reader Success Story
I will not respond until you treat me with respect.
I had a co-worker who was condescending with me for about 2 years. Each time it happened I would get so angry and usually retort with a poison phrase, and feel really bad afterwards that I’d reacted that way. My co-worker thrived on this “result”. After reading this newsletter, I realized there was a better way to handle it.
I had practiced a phrase to say, but the next time it happened I completely forgot to use it. I was so angry I was shaking. I left my desk, went to calm down with a cup of tea and when I returned I asked him to come and talk to me when he was free. When he arrived at my desk, I said to him
- XXX, I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but sometimes you talk to me in a very condescending manner. The next time you talk to me like that, I will not respond until you treat me with respect.
He was apologetic and said he did not realize he talked to me in that way (though I find this hard to believe). Anyway, that was over 6 months ago now, and he has never spoken to me like that since. Our working relationship is much improved and I have great confidence in knowing I have the power to ensure I am treated with respect.
PowerPhrases is packed with practical communication tools.
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Reader Comments on Previous Newsletters
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