This Week in the World
The Invitation of a Fake Smile
He may be smiling, but does he mean it? She says she's okay with everything, but is her smile genuine? Many people will hide behind accepting words and fake smiles. When I think a smile may be insincere, I try to get behind it. I will give every opening I can think of to invite the truth. I have been thanked for calling people on their fake smiles and inviting them to be genuine.
However, according to the BBC “spot the fake smile test," I'm not as good at spotting a fake smile as I thought I was. Take the test, and
when you discover your results, read the smile-spotting tips at the bottom of the webpage.
In order to Speak Strong, it’s important to know the difference between a true expression of pleasure and a feigned one. A fake smile can be an invitation to keep talking until you get to the heart of every matter. It can be an invitation to keep going until you get a genuine smile.
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PowerPhrase of the Week
What Else Could it Be?
Dr. Jerome Groopman teaches people to communicate with their doctors in the book, How Doctors Think. If the diagnosis doesn’t seem to fit or symptoms persist, he recommends patients ask,
And,
- Could it be two things – (their diagnosis) and something else? (If you watch House on TV, you know how often that happens.) ;-)
He also suggests if you think the doctor doesn’t like you, say:
- I feel like we’re not connecting well.
That can either get you connecting or get you a referral to someone you can connect with.
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Be your own advocate. PowerPhrases: The Perfect Words to Say it Right and Get the Results You Want tells you how.
Poison Phrase of the Week
Weren't You Listening?
When Al asked a question about an apparent contradiction between training instruction and application, his manager said,
- Weren’t you listening?
Clearly he was listening, which is why he noticed the contradiction. The Poison Phrase made Al reluctant to ask questions in the future...until he addressed the issue with his manager. (Go Al!)
Don't be a victim of Poison Phrases. How to Use PowerPhrases. tells you how to respond.
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Ask Meryl
When Other People Are Angry
Meryl,
While I need a lot of improvement overall with my communication, my greatest source of frustration in communicating comes when I have to deal with two other people who are angry with each other. When it's me and someone else being angry with each other at least I have control over one of the parties.
What do you do when (through no choice of your own) you're in the middle of very angry exchanges between two other people? What do you say that can effectively get them to take the time to cool down?
Meryl Responds
Say,
- As angry as you are with each other, I believe you can reach resolution, but not with this kind of communication. Let's take a ten minute break and meet again with an eye for finding common ground and moving forward.
If it continues, speak from your own perspective. Say,
- It's important to me that this issue be resolved, and I don't see that
happening with the way this conversation is going. Let's meet again at
(time) and see if we can improve the tone.
Another phrase that might be useful to you is:
I hope this helps. We can dialog about it more if you like. Check the blog for reader comments.
Comments
Manage conflict by saying what you mean, meaning what you say, without being mean when you say it. PowerPhrases tells you how to make your case.
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Reader Success Story
A Peaceful Trip Home
Okay, we are all back from our Spring Break, vacations, retreats, etc. etc. I have a point of information to share with your readers.
We (three ladies) were sitting in front of a Boy Scout troop on our way back from Florida. They were an active rambunctious crew, the problem was that they were very loud, pushing our seats to the point of distraction, and clearly making a nuisance of themselves. I was very tired from my week long trip (I got away to relax) so the last day and crowded flight wasn't helping.
I asked them once to refrain from pushing our seats that we were in nap mode to DFW.
Well, 2 hours into the flight I just couldn't take it anymore. I excused myself to go to the restroom scoping out the "trip leaders" positions on the plane, thinking what I was going to tell the young men.
On my way back I leaned down in their seat assignments, and very firmly said,
- I had indicated earlier the desire not to have my seat bumped around, and you gentlemen have not respected that. If I knew where to talk to your troop leader, I certainly would.
I told them they should show respect for the confinements of a plane, and act accordingly. Okay, whoever gets in plane with this troop the next time, should have a pleasant trip. The rest of the trip was just fine. Power Phrases do work, even when you're at the point of exasperation.
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