I'll be on vacation next week. See you in two! Meryl
She took it like a man
Have you ever heard the song, She Took It Like a Man? The singer is afraid to break up with his “fragile” girlfriend, certain she would be devastated. She wasn’t. She cussed, slammed the door and stormed off to the bar. He didn’t think she could take it, but “she took it like a man.”
The song really says he expected her to take it like an unconscious, weak woman and instead she took it like an unconscious, belligerent man.
Sure, women can be belligerent and men can be weak. However, the stereotypes we have exist for a reason. There is a tendency for men to dominate and women to retreat. Even now, the Good Old Boys Club is alive and well and many women defer to it. I saw that just this week with a mentee.
The story is too long for my newsletter, but you can read it here.
Tips for dealing with the GOBC are here.
Please use my spot to invite a woman
Joho was invited to a high power conference, but when he realized the attendees were 100% male, he declined. He suggested,
-
Please use my spot to invite a woman.
Joho knew it was a fabulous networking opportunity, but chose not to take advantage of it because he didn't want to support the exclusionary nature of the event.
Quit your whining
There are many better ways to note an injustice than whining. However, many perpetrators avoid responsibility for their actions by accusing their victims of whining.
William Lobdell wrote a moving story that illustrates how common blaming the victim is in our culture.
When someone says,
- Quit your whining,
I wonder if the person speaking is blaming their victim for objecting to mistreatment.
If you've been following the incest thread in my blog, you know how common that is.
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Read the in-depth description of: |
Pay increase
I am in the process of requesting an increase in salary as I have been asked to assume the management of several additional projects without a decrease in my current work load. I would like your advice about key power phrase elements that I should include in my request.
Meryl Responds
I’d refer to the going rate for what you’re doing now. I’d say,
-
Since my job description and salary no longer reflect my responsibilities, I want to discuss fair compensation. According to my research, if we were to outsource what I’m doing, it would cost ___. The average salary for my current responsibilities is ____. I think a ___% raise would be appropriate.
Talk in terms of the value you are bringing, but also will add in the future.
Tell me how it goes.
Be sure to read my article, How to Ask for a Raise
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There's lots of information about how to communicate up the
ladder in PowerPhrases. |
No story this week
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Reader Comments on Previous Newsletters
Blog post of the week: here
I, too, have found both of these questions difficult, yet I’ve also found that whenever I am honest and answer in a “casual” and “conversational” way, it seems to be most effective.
Regarding “weakness”, I try to change the interviewer’s choice of words to turn a “negative” weakness into a “positive” challenge. I also end the response in a positive light.
For example, when asked “What are [my] weaknesses?," I usually start by saying, “One of my challenges is I have a hard time delegating. Since I am so positional about my work, it’s hard for me to let go. But I remind myself that the processes and workflow I’ve created will help my teammates produce quality work in a timely manner.”
Regarding the “why are you leaving/looking?” question, again, I find honest, conversational answers are the best. I also draw the interviewer into my “world” or “space” to allow them to internalize my situation, thereby creating an ally.
For example, “Our company is a small, fast-growing company, that is very customer-centric. As a result, we offer many types of training and help for our customers. When I started, I was the only eLearning / Trainer / Instructional Designer on staff. As my roles and responsibilities grew, I helped launch an independent internal training department, and I broke off into an eLearning development / designer role. The eLearning function is now up and running very well. I’ve trained and put in place some great designers and developers who are ready to continue what I’ve built. Now that that’s a well-oiled machine, I’m ready to face a new and exciting challenge.”
Blog comments:
Owning Her Life After Incest (Scroll waaaay down.)
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Issue
281
Aug 14, 2008 |
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