9/11 changed everything. What did it change for you?
9/11 was a shared trauma. Politicians say it changed everything, but only we can say what it changed for us. When we speak the unspeakable, it helps us heal.
Please read my post about 9/11 on my blog
and read my article, 9/11 and Other Life-Changing Traumas - How and Why We Need to Talk
I also posted an article called Six Steps to Rerail the Derailed Discussion about how
to break free of negative communication habits.
You can't argue with a picture - even if it lies
A lighter This Week in the World post about the woman whose outfit got her kicked off the plane. Read it here and comment.
We have a policy of putting our patients first. I didn't follow my policy that day.
Jay was frustrated when her doctor had his assistant call her rather than return her call himself. When Jay complained to the assistant, the assistant was defensive and indignant.
Jay was on the phone with me, telling me she was ready to change doctors when call waiting signaled. It was the doctor, who said,
-
We have a policy of putting our patients first. By having my assistant call you, I didn’t follow my policy that day. She was blaming and shaming to you, and I apologize for that. I will get you in if you’d still like to see me.
Jay is his patient for life now.
comment
Bonus PowerPhrase: I want a widget that lists for five pesos
It's about how an abstract communicator made her point with a concrete one. Read it here:
Kids can be so loud and obnoxious
Patty doesn’t like kids. That’s fine, but when most of your friends have them, there’s no point in constantly reminding everyone who has them when you get the families together. Patty’s husband was tickling seven-year-old Daniel in the back seat of the car, and Daniel was laughing loudly. That’s when Patty said,
- Kids can be so loud and obnoxious.
It’s one thing to bring up an issue you want addressed. It’s another to complain about behavior that comes with the territory using a blanket condemnation. Of course there are tempting comebacks to comments like this - but since I don’t recommend sarcasm, I won’t provide them here.
 |
Read the in-depth description of: |
Difficulty in communicating with women
Meryl,
I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a
few weeks ago. We had been talking for a good half hour and really seemed
to be hitting it off. Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that
she had a “nice, full, hourglass figure”. I thought she would
take it as a compliment. Instead, she became deeply offended. She snapped,
“Oh really….well perhaps I should do some plus size
modeling!”, and then she slapped my face and departed.
I will never forget those agonizing moments in the immediate aftermath…the sound of her high heels hitting the hard wood floor as she walked off in a huff…the murmur of the crowd…the looks and stares of onlookers as I’m standing there alone rubbing my cheek. Needless to say, it was not my proudest moment, LOL.
She had the classic figure of a 50’s pinup - large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.
When I told a female friend about this she shook her head and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman’s figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What do you think about this?
Meryl says,
Here’s what I think.
1) Your comment was inappropriate.
2) She could have let you know more gracefully.
3) She did you a favor.
1) While I disagree with your friend’s contention that you should never comment on a woman’s figure, it isn’t something to do casually and before there is a sense of trust. In my opinion the comment was too intimate for the level of connection you had. It sounds like she objected to your wording more than the fact that you referred to her shape so early in the conversation. Either way, it’s better to build more slowly toward personal comments.
2) I advocate teaching people how to treat us and maintaining boundaries, but I advocate doing it graciously. If she didn’t appreciate your comments, she could have told you. I expect you would have gotten the message.
3) When I say she did you a favor, I’m not referring to the fact that she taught you something you’ll never forget, I’m referring to the fact that she seems reactive, and it’s much nicer to find that out before you become emotionally entangled.
I am impressed with the detailed way you described the scene. You brought me there. You write well.
I hope you don’t let this experience shut you down in the future.
 |
There's lots of information about how to communicate up the
ladder in PowerPhrases. |
Reader Success Story
No story this week
Reader Comments on Previous Newsletters
Blog comments:
Difficulty communicating with women
Yeah-but-you and the Dems do it too
Blog format and new book title feedback request Lots of comments
|
Issue
284
September 11, 2007 |
You are receiving this
by request.
SpeakStrong Award
Send in your success stories...
.and receive a free Pippi Giraffe
SpeakStrong Award.
Ask Meryl
We will respond with our best suggestions. We may publish your
question and response anonymously unless you request that we only respond
privately. We appreciate your feedback on our response. If we publish your
question, be sure to check Meryl's Blog for further suggestions from our
readers.
Check Meryl's Blog
SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.