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An early interview
I got up early today and braved the snow and ice to talk about my forthcoming book, Unite and Concur, on Fox21 News. It was worth the effort.
If you wonder why I've been so irregular with my newsletter lately, my next book is the reason. It also was worth the effort. More soon. I do plan to start sending my newsletter out regularly again. Thanks for your patience.
Set your own standards
Several months ago I was looking for some environmentally
conscious funds to invest in, so I asked a friend who works at a very high
level in environmental advocacy to recommend some to me. I was surprised
when it took months for him to get the information since I figured
he’d just have to review his own investment portfolio. After a couple
months I asked what he invested in. I was shocked when he listed several
corporations that have abysmal environmental records.
He later told me he had been kidding. But I felt distressed in the hours when I thought this representative of the environmental movement invested in companies with bad environmental records. I thought - “Am I the only one who wants to invest in things I believe in? Am I a fool for limiting myself to companies that meet my criteria?” I was relieved to know my friend had been joking.
While it's nice to know that leaders walk their talk, ultimately it doesn’t matter what anyone else does. You and I make our own choices according to our own values, even if others make choices that seem to be based on a lower standard.
That applies to standards of communication as well. For example, just because someone else gossips doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to. Just because someone else ridicules others doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to. Yes, it is limiting to raise the level of your communication. But you can sleep at night when you behave according to your own values.
I’ve created suggested standards for Responsible Communication, which I present in this poster. But the best standards are the ones that you know in your heart are right. If you miss some opportunities because your standards are high, you haven’t really missed anything.
This Week in the World comment
PowerPhrase of the Week
Can it wait?
Carla has found that the question:
- Can it wait?
works wonders for getting people to not interrupt her for minor issues when she’s under tight deadlines on major ones. Usually it can wait. If it can’t, they tell her so and she takes care of it.
Stay tuned for the release of my book: Unite and Concur: Stop arguing and start communicating about politics.
Poison Phrase of the Week
Fallacy is the new truth
The public relations department at Michigan’s Lake Superior State University in Sault Ste. Marie targeted 19 affronts to the English language from over 2,000 submissions.
The list included “give back,” “a perfect storm,” and “throw under the bus.” My favorite? “X is the new y.” That includes:
- Fallacy is the new truth.
Here’s an idea - let’s make truth the new truth.
Of course that creates the risk of wearing the phrase out even more. It's worth it, I think.
Bonus Poison Phrase – If you don't like how I do it, do it yourself.
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Read the in-depth description of: |
Ask Meryl
A boss without boundaries
Meryl,
My boss has poor boundaries, and with all the modern technology this is causing conflict with our private lives. She will email material to a person’s home even if it is not an emergency or agreed upon venue. Most recently I had an unexpected email to my personal account on a holiday! She calls cell phones (or regular phones) in the evening or on the weekend. Her claim is that as professionals we don’t work just a 40 hour week. That is true, but I and my colleagues are feeling that this is not appropriate and in fact is intrusive. How can we talk about this? In the age of instant messaging, what is too much?
Meryl responds
Really good question. The answer depends on what you're willing to risk. Also, if your boss has bad boundaries and you're tolerating them, you have bad boundaries.
What would happen if you ignored your boss’ calls and emails?
I send my assistant stuff at all hours, but he understands that I almost never expect a response evenings or weekends. On the rare occasions that I do, I let him know. But since I work strange hours, it’s nice to be able to pass stuff on when it’s ready for him.
What boundaries would you like?
I’d say,
- I respect your ability to work all hours. To perform well when I’m here, I need to regenerate, but I also want to be available when you really need me. Let’s work out some way for you to let me know if something you send me is critical, and I’ll do what I can to meet your needs, even after hours. And if it’s not marked urgent, I’ll get to it as soon as I get to the office. Does that work?
Basically it seems like she’s doing this because it works for her – and if it stops working, she’ll stop. So you could try ignoring some calls and emails and if she asks about it later, say,
- Oh, I didn’t think it was urgent. I planned to get on it this morning.
Or, you could respond to those things by asking,
- When do you need this?
If it’s not urgent you can say,
- I’ll get on it Monday.
Again, it depends on what you're willing to risk. I see some offices where a few people set boundaries effectively, and everyone else thinks they have to give the boss what she wants when she wants it.
I bet my readers have some suggestions to add.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
Reader Success Story
Customer service clarity
I'm the Manager at a company that manufactures test equipment. I recently received a phone call from one of our "big" customers about a problem they were having with one of our products. While speaking with this gentlemen, I came to realize that the problem wasn't with our product, instead it was with the actual customer. They wanted our product to do something that it wasn't capable of doing. I explained this to the customer and he just wasn't accepting my answer.
Since he wasn't happy with my response, he then stated
"Is there anyone else there that knows more about this product than
you?" My response was "Sir, I am the Manager here and there is no
other person here that can provide you with more support on this product
than me". His response was "You're not helping me and I
need to resolve this problem". I then said "Sir, I've provided
all the support that I can. I've been supporting our product and will
continue supporting our product. Unfortunately, the product just doesn't
have the capabilities to support your needs. With the situation being how
it is, how can we work together to solve this problem?" He then stated
"I apologize for taking my frustrations out on you. I understand that
this product will not meet my needs. Can I return this product and receive
a full refund?"
Since we have a very flexible return policy here, the gentleman returned
the product and received a full refund. Case closed.
Reader Comments on Previous Newsletters
Blog comments:
Because (Lyrics to A World of Truth)
Poison Phrase Pet Peeve (Poison Phrase definitions. scroll down.)
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Issue
299
February 5th, 2008 |
SpeakStrong Award
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Ask Meryl
We will respond with our best suggestions. We may publish your question and response anonymously unless you request that we only respond privately. We appreciate your feedback on our response. If we publish your question, be sure to check Meryl's Blog for further suggestions from our readers.
SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
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to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.