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Creativity for peace
My husband and I went on retreat this week and stayed at a place called Creativity for Peace. One of the things they do is host Israeli and Palestinian teens so they can get to know each other as people. (An Indian Yogi, Shri Shri Ravi Shankar does the same thing in India.)
There’s a bulletin board at the center that is full of pictures of the teens. We noticed one picture that looked like three teen girls making peace signs. We then realized they were all standing in the classic Charlie’s Angels gun-holding stance. Ironic, isn’t it – that the entertainment industry provides the foundation for such a common bond?
The Peace Center applies the kind of approach I advocate and detail in my book Unite and Concur. It’s about standing inside each other’s shoes and seeing each other as the individuals we are. Yes, there are times to stand and fight. But a PowerPhrase is as strong as it needs to be and no stronger, and the best approach to any conflict is to Speak as strong as you need to and no stronger. But many times when we drop the ammo, we find bridges we didn’t think existed.
Top of the world
I learned the lyrics for the old Carpenter’s song Top of the World this week because they beautifully describe me these days. The Carpenter’s song is about new love – my song is about love renewed and revitalized. Our retreat worked magic. But the reality is, love isn’t something that just happens to you. It’s something that you nurture and stand up for. Watch for a new site, www.SpeakStronginlove.com in the weeks or months to come.
Isn’t love fabulous? I dreamt last night that I was flying and no one cared. People sat on the ground talking to each other. They would respond to my comments, but showed no curiosity about how and why I was flying.
When I woke, I thought I'd had one of the old rejection dreams that I used to dream regularly. I was surprised since I hadn’t had one of those dreams in years. On reflection I decided my dream stemmed from more recent events in my life. I've been bursting at the seams with joy and finding a distinct lack of interest among many – but not all – people in my life.
If you are enthusiastic by nature, you know what that’s like. You probably go to work daily brimming with ideas, only to have a bucket of cold water thrown on you.
Some may respond to nay-sayers by giving up and joining in. Others of you adapt to nay-sayers by finding “acceptable” ways to express enthusiasm. Others still keep knocking on doors until the doors open or you find other doors that do.
Whatever you do, find a home for your enthusiasm. Yes, listen to nay-sayers, because they can provide useful information. They can warn you when you’re about to fly into right into a wall. They can give you ground you stand on when you take flight.
And find a way to keep your enthusiasm alive. Somewhere out there is someone who will wnat to join your celebration. And play with the “party-poopers” too. They just might decide they want to join you in flight.
Learn more about communication styles here.
This Week in the World comment
Words of love, are works of love. William R. Alger
PowerPhrase of the Week
I can understand that
When I mediate conflict, I listen for the one thing each person needs to be acknowledged for before they can begin to hear the other – and I almost always find one. Once that is acknowledged, they can start hearing each other.
Sometimes it’s that the other person has made a mistake or was harsh, other times it’s acknowledgement for their own efforts, and often they simply need to hear that the other person can imagine how they can see things the way they do. That’s why the phrase,
- I can understand that
breaks deadlocks. Acknowledging without agreeing is a great skill. You don’t have to agree with another's perspective to acknowledge it. You just need to be able to stand in their shoes, look out, and acknowledge how the world looks to them.
You can find more phrases to acknowledge without agreeing in PowerPhrases! and in the free sample chapter here.
Poison Phrase of the Week
You failed to include
I love my readers. They point out my typos and errors in such gracious ways it almost makes me want to make deliberate errors to invite more.
Sometimes we’re not that lucky. Sometimes people use poison phrases like:
- You failed to include
The “you” language points blame, and the word “failed” is a dramatic absolute word that demoralizes.
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Read the in-depth description of: |
Meryl,
My boss never calls or emails to see how things are going. We are in separate buildings, but it is like I don’t exist. I am left out of several important meetings, but it just doesn’t matter. I have been trying my best to communicate with her, but I feel like it does not help. I was supposed to go to a Law seminar last year, but she made excuses that it was too far away. Most of the department already went to the seminar. This year it is the same excuse. I took on a lot more work this year and my raise didn’t change at all from the prior year. I felt like I should have been given something for taking on the new responsibilities. Please help, I have been at my company for 14 yrs. I don’t want to leave, but I don’t see plans for me ever getting promoted. What should I do?
Meryl says,
Let her know how your exclusion cuts productivity. Say,
- I was left out of meeting X, and the effect is… (details of how it cost in terms of efficiency.) Since this had happened before, I’d like for us to work together to keep me in the loop. I suggest a two minute daily check-in until I get on your radar and once a week after I am.
Then, go in with quick updates on what you’re up to and ask:
- Anything I should know?
You also could ask her,
- I get the impression I’m not on your radar. Is there a reason for that? Is there something I can do to get in the loop?
Request a meeting about your career path. Say,
- I’d like to discuss my career path and how I can best position myself for a promotion.
Consider other jobs to create options. If you have alternatives, it will give you more courage to ask for what you want. I understand not wanting to leave after fourteen years, but it never hurts to see what options you have.
Let me know how this works for you.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
Reader Success Story
Speaking up more
I just want to let you know that the best part of Speaking Strong is being able to speak when I would normally be quiet. I have the confidence that in a situation I can speak up, and even if it does not work out quite right, I believe it is better than being quiet. The real power of it is, in spite of my reticence, most times it works out well.
Reader Comments on Previous Newsletters
Blog comments:
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Issue
304
March 27, 2008 |
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SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.