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This Week in the World
A policy of asking
Module ten of my Say What You Mean eCourse is about questions. Reviewing those lessons reminded me of an experience I had with an employee who consistently misinterpreted my instructions.
After a few months of misunderstandings, we developed a policy of asking. Every time I made a request or delegated an assignment, she would ask at least one question. Even if she was sure she understood, she came up with some kind of question.
Sometimes her questions were clearly manufactured, but surprisingly often they were important questions that she wouldn’t have asked had we not agreed to a policy of asking.
The policy of asking served us well, and it helped us both develop habits of not assuming we know. So create your own policy of asking. As The National Enquirer says - “Inquiring minds want to know.” So have a great week - of asking.
“Appreciation expressed is an ultimate act of assertiveness."
- Meryl Runion
PowerPhrase of the Week
Crumb management problem
Sometimes levity gets the best results. That’s why Margie used levity when the break room wasn’t kept clean up to standards. She told her staff,
- We have a crumb management problem in the break room. Let’s figure out how to solve it.
Together, they solved their crumb management problem.
Unite and Concur tells you how to reach agreement on contentious issues. It's not just for political discussions: it can guide you through all your challenging conversations.
Stop arguing and start communicating now.
Point well taken
“Point well taken” may sound like a PowerPhrase, but if it’s used to deflect, it’s a Poison Phrase. That’s what it was in Lee’s case. Here’s how the conversation unfolded.
Lee: If step 8 was changed to . . . and step 11 was changed to . . . I believe that would provide a simple and effective solution to the problems being discussed here.
Diane: Point well taken.
Lee: How well was my point taken? What will change? How will the process be improved as a result of this discussion and my suggestion?
Dee: We will not be changing the process.
The comment initially led Lee to believe that his suggestion would be implemented, and had he not inquired further, Lee would have assumed as much.
Love is a battlefield
I saw a T-shirt that sported the phrase:
- Love is a battlefield.
The phrase is based on a Pat Benetar song.
I differ. When relationships become battlefields, it’s not love. The going gets tough in relationships, but as soon as you start thinking of a relationship as a battlefield, you've lost.
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Ask Meryl
Computer maintenance
Meryl,
Three of us work in my office. We have the same computer hardware, the same software, same responsibilities, and (supposedly) the same skills. One coworker refuses to maintain her computer equipment properly (ignores update notices, etc.) and so she does not have the same functionality that I have. She keeps trying to hand work off to me because her “machine’s not working right.”
I have suggested she call our IT department but she claims they are unresponsive. I am tempted to refuse to help her outright, but don’t want to be viewed as not being a team player.
Ideas?
Meryl says,
I suggest you say what you mean and mean what you say without being mean when you say it.
Say,
- (Name,) your machine isn’t working right because you haven’t kept your computer updated. I’ll help you keep your computer updated, but doing your work for you because your computer isn’t updated isn’t the best use of my time – or yours.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
I wasn't getting my needs met in my relationship. I reached a point where I wasn't willing to continue unless he was willing to let me deeper into his heart.
It was when I was willing to walk away that he became willing to open to me more. I realized part of why was that I had been clingy, and that pushed him away. When I got stronger in myself about what I wanted, he became more attracted. My job is to stay out of neediness. And to keep asking for what I want.
Speaking Strong works in relationships too.
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309 May 14, 2008 |
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We will respond with our best suggestions. We may publish your question and response anonymously unless you request that we only respond privately. We appreciate your feedback on our response. If we publish your question, be sure to check Meryl's Blog for further suggestions from our readers.
SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.