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New article: Constructive anger
Do you ever get angry? Most people do. Few people know how to manage their anger and direct it toward positive results. Some stifle their anger and others let it explode. There is a better option. My new article on Constructive Anger tells you what that option is..
I got a lot of great feedback about last week's article, The Things We (Can't) NEED to Talk About. If you haven't read it yet, check it out.
While you're on my site, check out my Risky Conversation Assessment Form. It will help you determine whether and when to have a conversation.
Would you like to know how to help children think critically about media messages? I discuss that in my latest post on my Unite and Concur blog. It's called A Two-Year-Old Learns to Sift Through Spin.
The most effective way to communicate
I recently installed Skype internet phone and was surprised to find my son on the list of available contacts. I was even more surprised to discover that my son is far more responsive when I Skype-chat him than if I call or email him. We’ve been enjoying a stream of exchanges since I went Skype. It’s a great reminder of how important it is to communicate with people according to their preferences.
There are times to bypass preferences, however. I recently became aware how much intimacy and contact I miss by my own default preference for email as a means to communicate. This will surprise many of you - particularly those who have heard me speak on stage - but I am basically shy. Because of this, I will automatically shoot off an email when a phone call would be a more personal, effective and rewarding way of communicating.
But not any more. My new policy is: when I start an email I'll ask myself if it makes more sense to pick up the phone and call.
It usually is - and when I do, it’s far more satisfying.
Before I know it, I'll have a camera at my desk for my conversations.
By the way, if you haven’t read any of my articles on powerful emails, you can find them here.
""True power gets the best results with the least effort. Show your options before you exercise them."
- Meryl Runion
PowerPhrase of the Week
Squeak
Joe promised to review Mary’s marketing plan, but it seemed to slip off his priority list. Mary understood he was busy, so after several reminders followed by waiting periods, she sent him an email titled:
- Squeak
The body of the email said:
- I heard the squeaky wheel gets the oil so I decided to try squeaking at you. Can I get your comments in the next week or so?
She got his comments the same day.
Ideally, everyone would do what they promise in a timely fashion. Realistically, we often have to remind them for them to take action. Mary’s "squeak" was a playful but pointed request that got the attention she sought.
Unite and Concur tells you how to reach agreement on contentious issues. It's not just for political discussions: it can guide you through all your challenging conversations.
Stop arguing and start communicating now.
You can't tell this to anyone
Debbie is often divisive in her communication. Bryce knows that, so as soon as Debbie brought up their coworker and said,
- You can’t tell anyone this,
Bryce cut her off. He knew she was ready to bad-mouth their colleague, and he said,
- I won’t agree to that. This is a road to nowhere that I want to go. The three of us need to be completely open, and I won’t agree to secrets.
Bryce’s boundaries were very clear.
When you set clear boundaries, those who enjoy divisiveness might not appreciate being restricted. However, if you set your own standards, you will be wiling to endure their displeasure.
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Read the in-depth description of: |
Hi Meryl,
Normally when someone wants to use me as a reference he/she asks my permission first. Recently someone told me she used me as a reference and I was dumbfounded.
Although she is a nice person I’ve had problems with her not keeping her word and being irresponsible. It wouldn’t be such an issue except for the fact that I am close with her parents and don’t want to cause any problems (although they are aware of the above issues in their own dealings with her). I was wondering if you could suggest a way for me to let her know in a kind way that I don’t want to be used as a reference.
Meryl Responds,
You could say,
- There have been times when you haven’t kept your word with me. I don’t know if that’s your usual M-O, but if someone calling for a reference were to ask me about your reliability, I would have to tell the truth based on my own experience. You need to know that if you use me as a reference.
I believe being truthful is the kindest way, because she needs to know why you’re reluctant.
If you prefer to be more general, you can say,
- I’m very conservative about who I give references to. I need to be familiar with their work and able to assure the employer the candidate would be a really good choice for the position. I don’t know enough about your work to be able to do that, so I don’t want to be a reference for you.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
Reader Comment
Here are the improvements we've seen
I just wanted to tell you that I received and read your other book and it has helped me already in my office with dealing with employees who are late to work, communicating better with employees, etc.
I want to set up a phone consultation between you and my office.
Thanks.
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(A quiet week.)
Issue
311 May 28, 2008 |
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SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.