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Blowing your cover
A friend told me that in her single days, when she got to know new men, she waited for them to decide she was crazy. One man not only didn’t decide she was crazy – he adored who she was. They’ve been married for five years now.
Many of us relate to her experience. We’re afraid if we let who we really are out, people will run screaming from the room. Or they'll give some else the promotion. Or they'll unsubscribe from our newsletters. We’ve all been rejected in one way or another for revealing who we are.
But think about what my friend would have missed if she had hidden her true nature. It’s a powerful experience to reveal a bit more of who you are, and find not only are there people who embrace you – but that the people who embrace you are people you joyfully embrace in return.
In recent weeks I’ve been promoting The UltiMate™ Relationship Seminar, and have been stunned by the community I’ve discovered. As an example, I invited a yoga teacher lunch to discuss the possibility of her arranging a promotional evening for me to talk to her friends and students about the event. The yoga teacher called me Thursday morning saying she could meet me for lunch in a few hours.
I walked in expecting to meet with one woman and was stunned when she told me “Here’s your group.” She pointed to a room full of beautiful women who all wanted to hear what I had to say. It was a lovely gathering that ended in the group arranging a car pool to attend Jeffrey's talk. The last few weeks of my life have been filled with moments like these.
Another example of the support I've received is the beautiful email my cosponsor, the Rev. Ahriana Platten sent to her community. Please take a minute to read it. (I asked Ahri what she called her group, and loved it when she told me it was community.)
Yes, there are times and places to share and not to share different aspects of yourself. But the more authentic you are more of the time, the more magical your life will become.
Big colorful shoes to fill in Boulder and Colorado Springs
I've been trying to fill some very big and colorful shoes by speaking on behalf of my mentor and author Jeffrey Armstrong.
Some friends suggest I teach what Jeffrey teaches myself. Sounds great, but it makes as much sense as it would if I was bringing Stephen Hawking in and decided to teach quantum theory myself. Our "instant expert" culture tends not to realize there are some bodies of knowledge that take a lifetime to master. While all our voices have value and I do value my own expertise, we also need to recognize and acknowledge great thinkers and teachers when we meet them.
I will be doing my best to fill Jeffrey's big colorful shoes in Colorado Springs and Boulder next week.
SpeakStrong in Love
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Monday, August 4th, 7-9pm
Preview of the UltiMate™ Relationship Seminar in Boulder Colorado, Tuesday Evening, August 5th, from 7:30 – 9:30 PM.
Join us. More information is here.
Register now for The UltiMate™ Relationship Seminar
The early registration deadline for The UltiMate™ Relationship Seminar is Friday. I'd sure love to see you there.
This Week in the World comment
“One does not become a guru by accident.” James Fenton
PowerPhrase of the Week
Tell me what it's like to die
In the midst of a flurry of business emails, an associate and friend sent me an email that simply read,
- How are you today?
My friend’s invitation delighted me. I responded with an honest general assessment of my well-being.
This woman once asked a dying friend what she was learning in her passing that she could teach. Her dying friend told her that dying people want to talk about their experience of death, and welcomed the question,
- What is it like to die?
It makes me think of the Iraq veterans who find one of the hardest things about being home is that few people really want to know,
- What was it like being over there?
Many of us routinely ask each other how we are, but don’t really want to know. When we do want to know, and we respect the answers, it a powerful thing. It opens new dimensions.
Of course if the person doesn't want to talk about it, I'm not suggesting you force it.
Poison Phrase of the Week
They're all the same
It's tough to distinguish quality in our polluted marketplace of over-promising and under-delivering. We've grown cynical and developed the tendencies to assume that everyone hypes equally, there is no point trying to make informed choices, it doesn't matter whom you elect, whom you buy from, or whom you listen to. Someone said this of spiritual, personal development and motivational teachers:
- They're all the same. It's just a question of what language you relate to.
I differ. They are not all the same, and it matters very much whom you listen to. It also matters whom you elect and whom you buy from. And whom you work for.
There is a big difference between openness and a lack of discernment. By suggesting that it's all the same, we abdicate our responsibilities for informed choices and give sharks and charlatans equal credibility with those who set higher standards for themselves. You wouldn't marry just anyone, would you?
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Ask Meryl
How game are you really?
Meryl,
You are an incredibly brave person for putting your written words on the line on a regular basis. For that I commend you. I'm sure you receive a lot of criticism and the fact that you stick with it is incredible. It is for this reason that I had to ask myself if I was in your position would I find this suggestion helpful, well I decided yes, so I hope you do as well.
You were expounding on your ability to give, content of, and willingness to do corporate seminars. You finished the statement with "So, yes, I do speak in corporations and at conventions. And I would love to speak at yours. I'm game if you are." My issue is with "if". I don't know you personally, however I'm willing to wager that you are always "game", and there really isn't an "if." What do you think about "I'm game, are you?"
I would appreciate your feedback, when you have time, as I'm constantly trying to improve my communication skills. Especially now that I've just found out I'm going to be a father and it seems more important than ever to have the skills to use around my child so I can say "do what I say AND what I do." I'd prefer to be a mentor rather than a dictator when the time comes.
Meryl responds,
I'm not so brave. I am passionate and determined, and that overrides my fearfulness. I am no braver than most people I know. But thanks for the compliment.
You make a brilliant discerning point. My choice of words predicated my willingness on theirs. Your question made me wonder if I said what I meant.
In my persistence to promote the seminar I'm sponsoring, I'll knock on the doors of people who don't seem to be game, and then I'll knock again. And again. Sometimes the doors give way and open. Other times I decide they aren't "my target market" and speak to those who are.
I'm very much in favor of speaking to those who want to hear what you have to say - but I also know sometimes it takes a few attempts for them to know they want to hear it.
I suppose the best choice of words would be:
- I'm game if you are - even if you don't know you are yet.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
Hostile environment
While my client "Janet" and I hiked the trails this week, she told me her favorite part of my newsletter is my success stories. I need more. So send me some, please? I need stories of times when you spoke powerfully. They don’t have to have anything to do with my writing or newsletter. Blow your own horn and inspire others. Thanks.
Janet told me a success story about a colleague, Carla, who spoke up for her. Janet’s boss had been dismissive of and hostile toward her. Nothing Janet said seemed to help. Carla witnessed Janet’s treatment and told the boss,
- I am unwilling to work in an environment that is this hostile.
The boss backed down. Janet has a new hero.
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Issue
318 July 28, 2008 |
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SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.