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Since I’ve been promoting The UltiMate™ Relationship Seminar, my book sales and speaking inquiries have increased. I might need to start promoting my books and speaking services to increase enrollment in The UltiMate™ Relationship Seminar. (Pause for laughter...) In fact, I write best when I speak about what's in my heart and on my mind, so the balance will be different each week. I have several of new articles and blog posts this week. See below.
Hear me speak in Colorado Springs today and Boulder tomorrow
It's a kind of relationship marketing. In the last few weeks, I've been at more networking events, lunches, and seminar previews than in the previous year in my effort to get the word out about the seminar I'm sponsoring. I share my own adventures, lessons, and experiences in an article I wrote about Relationship Marketing. Here, I'll just announce my upcoming events.
SpeakStrong in Love
How to have the conversations to deepen love and intimacy.
Celebration Conscious Living Store, Colorado Springs, $5 donation
Monday, August 4th, 7-9pm
Preview of the UltiMate™ Relationship Seminar in Boulder Colorado
Love from the soul level
Tuesday Evening, August 5th, from 7:30 – 9:30 PM
No charge, registration required.
Join us. More information is here.
The way into someone's heart
My friend was half an hour late to our lunch. We talked about the misunderstanding behind her late arrival, and proceeded to enjoy our limited time together.
Later in our lunch, we spoke about the ways to a man's heart. That's when she told me,
- The way to my heart is through being understanding about my being late.
I replied,
- The way to my heart is to be able to discuss issues openly.
We found our ways deeper into each other's hearts.
Another way into someone's heart is to embrace what's already in their heart. For one of my friends, that's raw food. For many men and women, it's their kids.
But there's another way into a man's heart I only recently discovered. If you'd like to know what it is, I tell the whole story here.
Register now for The UltiMate™ Relationship Seminar
I am extending the early registration for: The UltiMate™ Relationship Seminar because I am still providing previews.
Articles and blog posts:
Michael has done a fabulous job on my new SpeakStrong in Love Blog. I may be stepping on a landmine with my new posts. Let's find out. The topic is: being appreciated as a woman.
Plus, I have three new articles.
Be the Soul, Love Soul to Soul
A Surprising Way Into a Man's Heart
And a poem:
Expectation management
Which would you prefer ...someone who promises ten things and delivers five, or someone who promises one and delivers four?
Did it occur to you that the previous question is a false choice? (I talk about false choices in Unite and Concur.) How about the option of someone who promises five and delivers five?
Members of the American Society for Quality tell me their motto is to: "say what you'll do and do what you say." If I know what I can count on, I can plan accordingly. It's simple expectation management. And it's essential for great communication. (I was reminded of that this week.)
This Week in the World comment
“The walk is part of the gift.”
quoted by Rev .Ahriana Platten
PowerPhrase of the Week
A distraught man entered a church
I attended services at my local Unitarian Church this week. If you follow the news, you know that the Unitarian Universalist church in Knoxville, Tennessee suffered a shooting that killed two church members and injured several others.
I was deeply moved by the memorial, yet my sorrow was laced with joy that this group was able to talk about the tragedy without losing their compassion and humanity. The program leader said,
- A distraught man entered a church with a gun...
He didn't say an evil man, or a viscious man. Even though the gunman had targeted the leader's spiritual family, the leader had the compassion to speak graciously.
Lest you think this kind of attitude is passive and a sign of weakness, be aware that the gunman was apprehended because congregants tackled him. It's possible to hold people accountable for their deeds without adopting hatred. True power takes action when needed and does not allow poison to fill our own hearts.
Poison Phrase of the Week
Industry Standard
It's time for my annual reprinting of PowerPhrases. I print and pay for 20,000 - 25,000 copies at a time, so you can imagine what that bill looks like. Even so, I don't like paying for things I don't need. That's why I asked that the proofs not be ovenighted, since sometimes I have been billed upward of $100 for expedited shipping I didn't want or require. The response was,
- It's the industry standard to overnight proofs and to charge the customer.
I don't contract the industry, I contract one supplier. This phrase suggests that policy and procedure trump customers. Had she given me some good reason for the procedure, I would have felt more accepting of the charges - particularly if the reason benefited me somehow.
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Meryl,
Recently one of our employees returned back to work after several months off. I had forgotten how forward she was. My question concerns how to respond to her authoritative statements about how I (or others) are, or rather, should be. A simple example being her saying "why did you paint your front door that stupid color? It is the ugliest color I have ever seen." The worst aspect is that I never ask her opinion because I do not live the same life as her.
My present response is ALWAYS, "that is your opinion and only your opinion." The other day, I took it a little further to try to get her to understand reality. I told her that we all think differently and that is what makes her who she is and I who I am. Well, she took that poorly and so did the whole staff and I started getting chided about "and there can only be one you," among more every-so-slightly derogatory comments.
I think it was the group mentality thing.
I need a list of responses for people who impose their beliefs on me. I research every decision in some form before I respond. I couldn't possibly have come this far in life if all my decisions have been wrong.
Meryl responds,
Oh, I do know these types and on a bad day, I am one. The phrase “Who asked you?” and “Who died and put you in charge?” Come to my mind. (I think of many things I would never say.)
I do sometimes use the phrase “How do you really feel about that?” when someone expresses a strong opinion. I only use that if I don’t have an emotional reaction that I need to communicate, because that would cross the line from irony to sarcasm. I don’t recommend sarcasm.
The fact that the group related more with her than you when you tried to clarify suggests to me that others don’t have the same issue with her that you do. That doesn’t tell me you’re wrong to respond the way you do – it does suggest that you might have built up a sensitivity that causes each incident to be more toxic for you than it would be if it happened only once or twice.
Add some feeling to your communication. Say some variation of:
- When you offer advice I don’t ask for, I feel belittled. I’d like to hear more about what you approve of than what you disapprove of.
It’s the basic formula of think/feel/want. I talk about it a lot in Unite and Concur.
When she comes across as mental and opinionated, if you respond with an opinion, you’re in a game you can never win. That’s why I recommend responding with feeling. Even something like,
- (Name) I find myself on guard with you because you seem so quick to tell me what I do wrong. I would like to be able to enjoy your company. Could you refrain from telling me what I’m doing wrong unless I ask or need to know?
There is a stream of comments on my blog post about unsolicited advice that looks at it from a different angle - when the advice is intended to be helpful rather than a putdown.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
The "Merrill Reunion"
Last week I was in Pine Bluff, AR and I drive by the Conference Center and, on the marquee, it says, "Merrill Runion 7-9 PM" So, I think to myself, I would really like to meet her. She is probably giving some sort of seminar here tonight - I'll drop in and introduce myself.
About 20 minutes into it, I realized that I was the only person of my race there, and everyone was looking at me funny. I thought it was weird that I didn't have to check in or buy a ticket, but I grabbed some appetizers and sat down anyway.
I asked a passer-by when Merrill was going to start speaking and they didn't know what I was talking about. So, I re-read the sign from the window and realized it said, "Merrill Reunion"
Reader Comment
Nurses who don't speak up
I am e-mailing to let you know that I am using your article and test on Communication Styles for my staff development education. Preceptors feel if they communicate openly and honestly, that they are being "mean." I keep saying if they aren't communicating openly and honestly then they are being mean...because they are doing a disservice to the new employee by not giving appropriate feedback to support or change behavior.
Meryl's Comment / request:
Beautiful point, fabulously put.
I am speaking at the Emergency Nurse's Association in September and need nurses stories. I invite any and all. Thanks.
Reader Comments on Previous Posts
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SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.