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This Week in the World
How to Say What You Mean
eCourse Bonus TeleSeminar Series starts September 10th
Stay tuned for more information
Transcend the Guilt Trap: Blog post and book chapter on SpeakStrong in Love
I received word that my former sweetheart passed away last week. We had remained amicable, casual friends in the over ten years since our short romance. I was happy to know that he died peacefully in his sleep and I wished his spirit well. The news of his passing didn’t trigger much emotion in me but I was surprised at how much emotion the news triggered in a friend of mine. Read about it in Transcend the Guilt Trap. Read my book chapter The Great Inner Divide posted on SpeakStronginLove.com. The chapter explains your unexplainable emotions.
Get love inspired
I have a new Love without Limits CD package available at www.SpeakStronginlove.com. These are some of my favorite Jeffrey Armstrong CDs - ones I continue to listen to repeatedly. They light me up every time I hear them.
The Truth About Love
But wait - there's more. Next week I will announce my Truth About Love TeleSeminar series. For Colorado Springs residents, I will talk about it on Fox 21 Morning News on September 11th, and I will describe it when I speak at eWomen's Network on September 12th.
Quote of the day subscriber comment
My SpeakStrong Quote and Tip of the Day is available without charge. Here is one subscriber comment.
"Hi Meryl...Happy Friday.
I receive the quote and tip of the day at my work email address. More often than not, they are so pertinent to issues I face here at work.
I just want you to know that your words have a resounding positive effect on my outlook and I am able to reassure myself that I am doing the right thing by speaking up, even if it is not the most popular.
I was doubting myself last night about speaking up about something and I definitely felt the wrath after I did so, but this quote reassures me that I did the right thing. Here's the quote.
Thank you, Meryl. I needed this today."
SPEAK STRONG QUOTE of the DAY:
"The first to speak may take the heat, but leaders lead - they go first." ~ Meryl RunionSPEAK STRONG TIP of the DAY:
If everyone insists the emperor is wearing clothes, the first person to suggest he isn't is likely to take some flack. Be a leader - speak the truth anyway.
This Week in the World comment
“Sometimes a half-hour rant can be summed up in words so simple as 'do you love me?” — Meryl Runion
PowerPhrase of the Week
The burden of proof is on you
This PowerPhrase was submitted by a reader who is an expert in logical fallacies.
“Today at work we were reviewing a design submitted by “T” that had to meet certain requirements:
Me: I don’t think that design will work.
T: You have not proven it won’t work
- Me: That shifts the burden of proof. You have the obligation to prove your design will work and you have not done that.
Pay attention to shifts in the burden of proof.
If someone defends their claim to have seen Elvis in the shoe store by saying “you can’t prove I didn’t see him” they are attempting to shift their burden of proof to you.
But they bear the burden of proof for their extraordinary claim.
The Challenger space shuttle exploded because the managers unfairly shifted the burden of proof to the engineers: Unless you can prove it is unsafe, we will proceed with the launch. But where so many lives are at stake, those creating the risk are obligated to prove the venture is safe.”
You can read more about logic and the lack of it here, and in my eBook Unite and Concur
Poison Phrase of the Week
That's what I said
June was telling Avin how to change the page setup in his word document. When she told him to click on file and select page setup, Avin said there was no page setup. Then he found it. Then June told him to find landscape. Avin was silent for a moment as he searched the dialogue box, and then said, “Oh, should I select landscape?” June replied with a yes, resisting the temptation to say,
- That’s what I said.
Walking people through a process can be irritating because they get where you are at their own pace. It’s common for them to discover what you were pointing them toward as if they found it on their own. Only the ego needs to tell them that’s what you said.
I remember my son once telling me something I had told him several times as if it was front page news. I was delighted that he had embraced the idea and refrained from reminding him where he heard it first. Yes, it was tempting to claim credit.
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Ask Meryl
Not my native tongue ~ keys to changing habits
Meryl,
English is not my native tongue, but I started going to Toastmasters – this had built my confidence in speaking. I have so much information to 
convey during my talk but somehow I always fell on the same mistake in grammar and usage. Sometimes, when I’m in a middle of my sentence, I just can’t end it the way I want it – I jabber to frustrate me deeper and most of the time I just left my sentence hanging and assumes that they understood what I meant.
I’m frustrated but I’m willing to work at it, where do I start?
Meryl Responds:
Your key is repetition, repetition, repetition. Toastmaster’s is a great vehicle for you. A ten minute speech is short enough to practice 100 times. I suggest you rehearse while you walk/hike. That gets it imprinted into your body.
I’ve taught the same seminar and presented the same keynote hundreds of times – and that has allowed me to “perfect” better habits. It got so I could tell if I was off a micro second on a pause – I wouldn’t get the same reaction from the audience. You may not be able to practice the same speech over on your Toastmaster’s groups, but you can practice plenty before and also after, correcting and perfecting what doesn’t go as well.
Another thing I’ve done to improve my speaking is imitation. I have actually copied speakers I admire down to the gestures, intonation and exact language. I personalize my work before I present to others – so much that even the person I copy wouldn’t know I started as a clone of them. But that has really helped me adopt positive new communication habits.
This isn’t from experience, but if I was mastering a foreign language, I would watch a movie I like in my native tongue and then play it continuously in the language I was perfecting. Each time you listen; notice what makes their words effective. On the 100th time, you’ll become aware of subtleties that you would have missed in a few viewings.
Since one of your issues is completion, picture a target and your words as arrows. I used to back off before the end of my sentences – more in terms of lowering my voice. The imagery has helped me.
For weekly help and support, I provide a Say What You Mean eCourse that provides a quick lesson each week.
That’s where I suggest you start. And as frustrating as the process is, if you’re willing to make small changes at a time, you will be amazed at how far you progress.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
Reader Success Story
The Power of Silence
Your comments about silence reminded me of a time over 35 years ago. I was 20 and at Outward Bound, a personal development camp. At that time I had something to say about everything, a story from somewhere, I knew someone who had done the same thing, a crude joke, a comment. After a few days my team leader took me aside and told me how it was driving everyone up the pole. He said “Just try shutting up” I did, and said very little for the next couple of weeks.
At one point, we had a particularly difficult challenge to overcome and there was intense discussion. I tried to speak, but my voice was lost until one of the team said “Hey fellers, Malcolm says almost nothing and now he has something to say. It may be important and I think we should listen.” I got a good hearing and my idea was accepted as the best solution. For the remainder of the camp, when I spoke I was listened to. That was a powerful lesson. I have continued on with that practice.
Meryl, an offshoot of that is how much I really get to hear.
Issue
322 August 28, 2008 |
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SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.