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The Say What You Mean Teleseminar Series
Say what you mean, mean what you say, don't be mean when you say it. It's a simple formula that's getting simpler thanks to my new three-part teleseminar series.
And it's a bonus to my Say What You Mean eCourse subscribers.
Register for the 52 week eCourse, and attend the teleseminar series at no cost.
It starts September 10th.
Say what you mean
Be authentic. The source of your words is in your own mind and heart. I help people find their words by listening for their deepest meaning - what they think, feel and want. You can find your own words when you learn to listen for your deepest meaning.
Mean what you say
Speak with conviction and protect the integrity of your words. If you don't mean it, don't say it. If you do say it, be convincing.
Don't be mean when you say it
You can be clear and direct and still be kind. Respect your listener with your choice of words.
Truth about Love TeleSeminar coming up
In the month to come I will announce my Truth About Love teleseminar series. Stay tuned.
Love removes the labor of labor
Read the article is Love removes the labor of labor on my SpeakStrong in Love Blog
This Week in the World comment
“People learn when you don’t mean what you say. Review your day and see if you set boundaries that you didn’t enforce or made promises you didn’t keep. Back your words up with action. ” ~ Meryl Runion
PowerPhrase of the Week
Discretionary time
Do you know how much discretionary time you have each week? It's important to know, so you can plan responsibly when your manager gives you an assignment. Here's one PowerPhrase I recommended to a reader whose boss gave her an impossible assignment.
- Between now and Friday I expect to have X hours of discretionary time. This report will require Y hours to complete properly. If I miss the rep meetings and let the phone go to voicemail I can squeeze another Z hours out to complete it. It won’t be the quality I’d like it to be, but it will be the best I can do. Do you want me to do that?
You can read the entire question and response here. It's called impossible assignments.
Poison Phrase of the Week
They're too cheap to attend
Jenny's family took pot shots at her siblings for not being able to afford to travel to every family event of their extensive family. Jenny found herself having to respond to comments like,
- They're too cheap to attend.
First, these words imply that the family is hurt by their invitations being declined. If that's true, the hurt should be addressed directly rather than through pot shots. Second, it's not fair to punish the family members who do attend by putting them in the position of having to defend or criticize their siblings.
Family issues, like all issues, need to be addressed directly, not through pot shots, and to the correct person, not intermediaries.
You can read the entire story in the Ask Meryl section of my SpeakStrong blog. It's called Cheap Shots.
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Say What You Mean eCourse Register now for the Say What You Mean eCourse and attend the bonus How to Say What You Mean Teleseminars. |
Meryl,
I am at the upper managerial level in government. My workers seem to believe that it is okay to pass on false information and rumors, that eventually get passed to higher headquarters. There is a problem here, as they circumvent the whole chain of command.
I find this disconcerting, as they have every right to go over my head, but not to make false or unfounded accusations against me and my management staff.
The Government looks down on retaliation, so I have to be careful how I handle the situation. I have started by enforcing the policies and regulations already in effect. The personnel are, of course, calling it harassment.
My question is how do I deal with the false and unfounded accusations against me? Is there some sort of legal retaliation for making a false statement? Word around the Store is that the person starting the rumors knows they are not true, but I do not wish to make it appear as though we are singling her out, as everyone has perpetuated the rumor mill. Should I make an example of this person?
Your help and guidance is requested and I hope it will offer me some form of relief.
Meryl says,
It sounds to me like you have a whole culture of gossip to reckon with here.
Have a department-wide meeting and say,
- It has come to my attention that we have a gossip problem in our organization. I will not tolerate gossip. Listening is participating and if anyone attempts to share rumors with you, either stop them and say you don’t want to hear it, or invite them to come with you to me or the appropriate level of management to address the veracity of the claims directly. From this moment on I will enforce the policies and regulations regarding these infringements.
Be aware that gossip often results from environments where information is withheld. In the absence of information, people make stuff up. If this could be a contributing factor, say:
- I apologize for any role I played in this problem by not updating you regularly. I will make every effort to provide you with reliable, accurate information to minimize the speculation. I invite you to address any concerns you have with me directly.
If you think it useful, address the accusations directly. Tell the group some of the accusations you’ve heard and what the reality is. You might even add levity by making something absurd up and throwing that in the mix. Something like your mother wearing army boots and your father being raised by wolves. Do that kind of thing with caution – but it could lighten the mood and endear people to you.
Include your emotional response. That might mean saying, I feel betrayed, I feel disappointed by the lack of loyalty – whatever you experience. That will put a human face (your's) on the picture.
I don’t know about legal remedies regarding false statements, but I bet my readers do!
Good luck. I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this,
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
Reader Success Story
When you calm down, if you want me back, call me.
I wasn’t sure this was a success story because we ended up parting ways, but after I spoke with you, I felt good about setting boundaries.
I’m a web master, and I have several clients. When I told one of my clients that I would not be working on her site for a couple of days due to medical reasons, she went into a rant. She was using every swear word I’ve ever heard, and I told her when she calmed down, if she wanted me to come back, she could call me. I left.
When I heard back from her, she terminated our relationship. She cited the fact that had I left that day. I responded politely and suggested I wished it had ended on a better note. But the reality is, I’m relieved that I won’t be working with her anymore, and I’m pleased that I stood up when I felt mistreated.
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Issue
323 September 3, 2008 |
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Ask Meryl
We will respond with our best suggestions. We may publish your question and response anonymously unless you request that we only respond privately. We appreciate your feedback on our response. If we publish your question, be sure to check Meryl's Blog for further suggestions from our readers.
SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.