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Grace under fire
When I spoke to the Emergency Nurse’s Association Convention, I talked about how emergencies will bring out the best and the worst in us. Well, so will a national crisis. The last few weeks have been incredibly intense in the US with campaigns going negative and the economy melting down.
Anybody feeling an emotional meltdown? It’s tough to stay open and loving when so much fear and violence is in the air. It’s easy to abandon dignity, love and grace when you’re under fire.
Obviously when a house is burning, you put it out without worrying too much about how elegant the process is. But most of the time your emergencies aren’t the kind where seconds count. Even in emergencies – no – especially in emergencies, you need to SpeakStrong, Speak Smart and Speak Sweet. That requires coordination and grace – grace under fire.
Now more than ever, stay connected to sweetness and love so when you open your mouth, you’ll speak sweetly. How do you maintain that connection? Well, I immerse myself in my mentor’s poetry. My husband is visual, and he delights in beautiful art before he goes to sleep at night. It always helps to reach out to people whose presence provides grace.
Can you afford to indulge in the luxury of beauty in difficult times? Uh, yeah. In fact, you can’t afford not to.
Oct 8 Teleseminar: Boundaries, Resolve and True Power: How to Mean What You Say
I’ve been reaching out to people who inspire me a lot lately. We’ve been sharing tales of what motivates us, how we stay out of darkness and what we do to keep moving forward. A simple tip one friend, Jo, offered is: “I just make my to-do list and do the first thing. Then I do the second.”
Jo’s tip sounds obvious, but in fact it isn’t always. Her advice underscores the importance of boundaries and resolve. It’s about making a decision and sticking to it.
Boundaries and resolve are essential ingredients for Speaking Strong. Like the other day when I decided I would not let our family friend cut me off and talk over me when I tried to share an opinion. Trust me on this – he got the message. If he hadn’t gotten the message, I would have set a stronger boundary by letting him know that we could no longer be friends if he was unwilling to speak more civilly with me.
Join me tomorrow (Wednesday) in a one hour teleseminar to learn how to make sure that when you speak, you mean it and others know you mean it.
~ October 8th ~
2 PM Eastern, 1 PM Central, 12 PM Mountain, 11AM Pacific
Only: $14.95, and no charge to those who are registered for the 52 week Say What You Mean eCourse.
This Week in the World comment
“Poetry stretches language to its very limits – providing us with a glimpse of something beyond discourse. A taste of transcendence perhaps."
~ Kavindra
PowerPhrase of the Week
We’re not here to judge you
I hear a lot of credit card debt settlement ads on the radio these days. I was interested in the angle of one that said, if you’re overloaded with credit card debt,
- We’re not here to judge you. We’re here to help you.
I didn’t think of the likelihood that borrowers would make this kind of business decision based on emotional safety until I heard the ad. I expect the approach is effective.
We DO make business decisions on the basis of emotional responses. Keep that in mind when you negotiate.
As an added persuasion plus, this phrase provides contrast and parallel structure. Your reptilian brain loves that.
Bonus: I’m excited about my candidate for so many reasons. I’d like to know: why are you excited about yours?
A friend canvasses for her presidential candidate. She told me when people tell her they’re voting for the other candidate, she says,
She says people rarely have specific reasons to explain their choice (if they admit to being excited at all.) It gets some to rethink their positions.
Of course, to avoid being a manipulative tactic, my friend needs to be sincere in her questioning and interest. She is.
Bonus #2: Healthcare worker bonus in blog comments
Deepak Chopra was my late husband's personal physician 20 years ago. He was the only one willing to tell me the truth. Read about it here.
Poison Phrase of the Week
If you believe that, you’ll believe anything
It was a political conversation, but this kind of attack happens in business and personal conversations. When Julie disagreed with Lorrie’s opinion about a national policy, instead of addressing the issue directly, Julie said,
- If you believe that, you’ll believe anything.
It’s called attacking the messenger, and it’s a bully tool to end reasonable dialogue. Respond by saying,
- I offered a sincere opinion and you replied by painting me as gullible. Please point out the flaws in the argument instead of me.
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Say What You Mean eCourse Register now for the Say What You Mean eCourse and attend the bonus How to Say What You Mean Teleseminars. |
Ask Meryl
Job Description Tips
Meryl,
Do you have any suggestions for writing effective job descriptions?
Meryl Responds:
Yep. I describe this in my performance review book and my perfect phrases book.
Use the three R’s – really reflect reality. Make sure the descriptions are concrete. Choose words that paint a picture of what it looks like when performed 100%. Not, answers phone – rather – answers phone by the third ring with proper company greeting.
Here are some questions to ask in building the description:
- What is the main purpose of the job?
- What are the primary responsibilities of the job?
- What are the main elements of the job?
- What parts of the job are essential, with serious consequences if they are not done?
- What parts of the job are non-essential?
- What do others depend on this position for?
Ask people who depend on that person. For example:
- What do you depend on the person in this position for?
- What do you see as essential for this position?
- What qualities and behaviors do you appreciate most from the person in this position?
- What job standards would you like to see the person in this position have?
Pull it all together, and ask yourself the 3 R question. Does this really reflect reality? If you follow the process, it should.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
Reader Success Story
Zen communication
I continue to build a habit from your suggestion to “think about the purpose of your words before you speak.” As a direct result I speak less and listen more. There’s less “filler” and more substance. My words are focused. For some reason I notice I smile more! Perhaps I’m one step closer to the Zen state of communication.
Reader Comments
Don't go getting all emotional on me
Issue
326 October 7, 2008 |
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Ask Meryl
We will respond with our best suggestions. We may publish your question and response anonymously unless you request that we only respond privately. We appreciate your feedback on our response. If we publish your question, be sure to check Meryl's Blog for further suggestions from our readers.
SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.