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This Week in the World
Relationship challenges are true opportunities
What do you do when relationships get uncomfortable? Many people shut down and disappear. Others shut down and hide behind a happy face. Some get aggressive and shut the other person down. I recommend you keep your heart open and tell a deeper level of truth.
Have you ever dreamt you were in public, not fully dressed? It’s usually an embarrassing discovery, symbolic of being unprepared. However, the last time I had that dream, no one seemed to notice, and everyone was comfortable including me. I saw it as a new level of comfort with being myself in the world. Like my friend who, when asked if I could write about an experience she had or if it would blow her cover, she replied that she didn’t have a cover to blow. What freedom.
Recently I dreamt that some friends tossed me some clothes and told me to put them on and start talking. I liked the clothes, but still had to decide if I wanted to wear them or not.
When people tell me they’ve hit some rocks in their relationship, I tell them their relationship is working. It’s gotten real. They’re touching each other on deep levels. This is the opportunity to cultivate true intimacy and/or genuine friendship. It’s the opportunity to question the clothes they wear in that particular relationship and decide how well they fit. If they keep their hearts open, they can discover wonderful new levels of relating.
Cut to the Core
One of my favorite chapters in my new SpeakStrong book is Cut to the Core. In order to say what you mean, you need to know what you mean. This chapter helps you uncover your deeper meanings.
It looks like SpeakStrong will be available for shipping Monday. The pre-order special lasts until I get my copies. Order now to save shipping. (US only.)
"True love is available to us when we open our spirits to inner guides and dreams, and dare to follow our hearts. Love is often disguised, as is truth. Look beyond the mask, beyond the personality world, and beyond the surface and stereotypes. Where there is darkness, see light, Where there is pain, send healing prayers and thoughts. Where there is disharmony, sow seeds of contentment and joy. Let your warmth and magnanimity be expressed to loved ones, friends, the greater community, and humanity as a whole." ~ Isha Lerner
PowerPhrase of the Week
I’d be delighted to do that for you
Rick used to grudgingly agree to do things for his colleagues until someone mentioned that it made him reluctant to ask for help. That’s when Rick decided he should either decline or agree cheerfully. His PowerPhrase became,
- I’d be delighted to do that for you.
Interestingly, he discovered there was more joy in the service he offered when he did that.
Poison Phrase of the Week
That's ridiculous
If someone has an issue or concern, they might not immediately be able to express it in a way that makes perfect sense. You can shut them down fast if you say something like
- That’s ridiculous.
If you can stay open long enough to help them clarify their point, you might find they have a valuable insight that will help. If you’re too quick to go after conclusions, you might miss the opportunity for clarity.
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Read about Meryl's new book release: |
Reader Question
Holiday dilemma
My forgetfulness gets me in trouble. One of my friends invited me over a month ago to her home for Christmas Eve. My new boyfriend invited me to a family gathering for Christmas Day. Then my girlfriend mentioned something about Christmas Day, and I said I made plans with my boyfriend. She was insulted because she said I agreed to be at her house for both days. I told her how sorry I was, but I only remembered accepting an invitation for Christmas Eve. She said she was very disappointed, and I felt like a jerk.
Do you have any suggestions as to how I could have handled this differently?
Meryl responds
It sounds like you handled it fine, and like you have a good friendship where she was willing and able to tell you when she was offended.
However, there are a couple of conversations I suggest you initiate.
1) Are you sure the issue is your memory? Could it be you heard her invitation differently? When my husband and I have this kind of misunderstanding, we debrief the conversation to find out where we lost each other. Not so fun, but useful. We often find it wasn’t that I forgot or he forgot – the issue was we had different understandings about what we were saying.
2) It’s common for women to disappear and abandon their friends when a new man comes along (or an old one returns). Perhaps she’s afraid that will happen to her. Of course friends need to adjust to changes in each other’s lives, and it helps to initiate conversations about changes and how they will and won’t affect your friendship.
The fact that she was disappointed doesn’t make you a jerk. It’s one of those things that happens. Holidays force us to play favorites, and feelings get hurt in the process. If the friendship is strong, she’ll get over it – if she hasn’t already.
Have a fabulous holiday.
More conversations
One of my favorite features of my new book is the audio CD that describes conversations that people need to initiate at work. There are conversations for supervisors, for team leaders, for performance managers and for entrepreneurial employees. Read more about it here.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
Reader Success
Kim's title search was a remarkable success
From Kim: Thank you to everyone who submitted suggestions for my business title, and thank you Meryl for the suggestion of having your readers help me out. The comment that really spoke volumes to me was the description of “organizing, protecting and assisting the elderly.” Perfect. Those words describe exactly what my heart's goal is in helping the elderly in these areas. Those words say it all. Thank you to everyone for your suggestions, I really appreciated the feedback. Now I’m excited to get started.
Issue
330 Dec 18, 2008 |
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Ask Meryl
We will respond with our best suggestions. We may publish your question and response anonymously unless you request that we only respond privately. We appreciate your feedback on our response. If we publish your question, be sure to check Meryl's Blog for further suggestions from our readers.
SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.