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This Week in the World
Space, stories, babies, bathwater, flow, and the feminine
My husband just told me about how he always schedules extra time for his clients so they can tell him their stories. If I wasn't already in love with him, this would have put me over the edge.
He has two reasons – 1) People like to tell their stories, and 2) it gives him clues about how he can help them. Of course there are times when it’s important to focus clients, but skilled professionals understand the value of giving room for the deeper experience to emerge. That kind of listening is my husband's key to success. Isn't it what we all want? Someone who will listen to our stories and help us figure out what's 
important to our wellbeing and what isn't?
Sometimes you need to search the bathwater for babies before you throw it out. Our stories tell us where our strengths and our triggers are. My husband's listening policy creates a balance between goals and process, masculine and feminine, linear and fluid.
He and I experienced another balance between those qualities today. We did my NIA workout together. As a martial artist, he marveled at how the Global Unity Workout immediately balances structured martial arts moves with fluid dance moves. (See why I’m keeping him?) You can get NIA DVDs here.
My new book Speak Strong is about that balance between strong and soft, focused and relaxed, masculine and feminine.
Two new SpeakStrong in Love posts
Speaking of stories, a friend told me he likes talking to me when his relationships hit a wall, because I see occasional turmoil as a natural part of the blending of hearts. In fact, I insist that when couples trigger each other, the relationship is working. Find out why in my new post on SpeakStrong in Love, Congratulations. It’s working.
I have another new post there: Keep the bulls out of your china shop ~ how to keep your heart from becoming calloused. It may appear to contradict my first post, but it doesn’t.
Reader discussion results
Responders to last week’s discussion agree with me by an 8:1 ratio that emotional disclosure adds to the power of a message. They provided some insightful comments.
"Whenever space is given, Shakti must arise."
Shambhavi Chopra
(Shakti is the essence of feminine power.)
This Week's Discussion
Gender possessives and pronouns
It drives me crazy almost every time I write. There is no gender neutral word for singular possessives and pronouns. Hence I find myself writing his/her and s/he or even using "their," (even though "their" is plural) I don't mind s/he so much, but his/her is so cumbersome.
It amazes me that we still haven't developed a new norm for this. Maybe it should start here. What if we decide on new words and just start using them?
And if we do, what will they be?
Thoughts? Please comment.
PowerPhrase of the Week
Maybe the problem is with the instructions
Marsha complained that no one followed the instructions in the training manual she had compiled. The ensuing conversation focused on how inept people were, until Peter Spoke Strong. He said,
- If people don't follow the instructions, maybe the problem is with the instructions, not the people.
Marsha preferred to blame the trainees, but got Peter's point.
Speak Strong is the next step after PowerPhrases!
Poison Phrase of the Week
I will fight for you
I was talking with a woman at the BPW Legislative Conference about how people come out with guns blazing when a conversation gets political. She mentioned a candidate whose slogan was:
- I will fight for you.
“Why fight?” this lady asked. “Why not strategize, work, advocate, negotiate, and collaborate for my interests?”
City Councillor Faith Winter spoke at the BPW conference for an hour about how the political process works. Clearly there’s a whole lot more to getting results than fighting.
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Read about my new book release: It's the next step. |
Reader question
How do I address excessive breaks?
Hi Meryl
I am a manager in a small office that consists of mostly part-time employees. The employees are good at what they do, but I'm not sure how to stop the excessive chatter that bubbles up several times a day. Our state does not mandate any break time and we don't have a stated 
break policy, although our philosophy is that employees can certainly have a few moments to decompress now and then, especially because they do a lot of phone work. But when an employee only works a 3-hour shift and 20-30 minutes of that shift are spent in personal conversations, it distracts those who aren't participating in the chatter, and, more importantly, seems like stealing from the company. I don't want to come across as a penny-pinching hardliner, but I need to find the right words to help them understand that some of these conversations on company time are unacceptable.
Meryl Responds:
I’d put it to them. Say,
- Since we don’t have a stated break policy, I want us to come up with break guidelines that respect our need to decompress, respect the company, and also respect coworkers who aren’t taking breaks and need to stay focused.
Then start a brainstorming process about what is reasonable. Research policies others use to provide examples, but make the process as collaborative as possible. That will make it workable and will encourage buy-in.
I suspect they’ll come up with a stricter policy than you would.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
Success Story
Manipulative communication
I was reading in Speak Strong about manipulative speaking - Holy Cow, I used to deal with so much of that! I used to feel guilty pretty easily. People would say "you made me feel X" and I would automatically assume I had done something to "make" them feel that way. Now, if somebody says to me (which most people in my life don't), "you made me feel X," my response is, "Do you mean that what I said brought up X feeling in you?" I just clarify it because when I do that, most people are happy to re-configure their words. Those who aren't are probably people I might wish to keep at a distance.
Issue
336 Feb. 11th, 2009 |
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SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.