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This Week in the World
Juggling, new stories, SpeakStrong Keynote, and gender neutral language - please VOTE
Last week my husband and I took a juggling class, and we've been throwing balls at each other ever since. What a great new way to communicate.
Last week, I also received a flood of support and orders for my new book, SpeakStrong. My keynote and training based on the book are becoming more popular with my audiences. Thanks to you all.
New stories / articles in a very different tone
I also had lunch with a friend who shared a story that got me started writing in a new style. I am so excited about the theme I almost can't stand it. I have two new articles for you in this new style. Enjoy - and please share your impressions.
Fact and Fiction Separate Themselves
and a SpeakStrong rewrite of an Israeli folk tale:
The truth about Truth and a story about Story.
I want the characters in these stories to be gender-neutral, so I invented gender-neutral language. I’d like your feedback on that and on some alternative suggestions I received from readers. I explain the logic of my choices here, and please vote on the gender-neutral language below.
Tell me what you think about the articles in comments. Thanks.
Nurture, nudge, and sometimes shove - why the bold need SpeakStrong skills as much or more than the timid
I took up skydiving 35 years ago. My first jump scared me so much that I clenched the strut and screamed to the instructor that I had changed my mind. She pried my fingers from the bar and shoved me away from the plane. I was too preoccupied with my plunge to be stunned...
Read the rest of the article here, and comment here.
"If the word you need doesn't exist, make it up. As our consciousness expands, language must expand with it."
Meryl Runion
PowerPhrase of the Week
Notice what's happening now
Sometimes strong people only hear feedback when the person giving it is ready to move on. (Other times it takes even longer than that – like the former spouse who finally gets the message two years after the divorce.) After months of unsuccessfully trying to resolve issues with her client Susan, Nicole broke the news that she would no longer be working with her. Susan raised her voice as she exclaimed that if Nicole had problems, she should have told her long ago. Nicole replied,
- Notice what’s happening right now. I'm trying to tell you this hasn’t been working for me, and you’re yelling at me. This is what happens when I try to talk to you. This is why I'm dropping your account.
Sometimes you need to detail past offenses to make a point. More often, the behavior from the past repeats itself in the moment, and when you speak in real time, your point comes acrosss loud and clear.
Speak Strong is the next step after PowerPhrases!
Poison Phrase of the Week
Your letter of excuses
This week’s Poison Phrase is a quote. Am I the only one who has ever wanted to say such a thing?
Your letter of excuses has arrived. I receive the letter but do not admit the excuses except in courtesy, as when a man treads on your toes and begs your pardon - the pardon is granted, but the joint aches, especially if there is a corn upon it. ~ Lord Byron
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Read about my new book release: It's the next step. |
Reader question
Foot-in-mouth disease
Hi Meryl
My new direct report says inappropriate things. When he heard my vacation plans, he told me all about the horrible things that could happen there. When I mentioned how long I’ve been in management, he told me that his previous managers had way more experience than I do. He made the last comment at a meeting and I was too surprised to respond.
When I confronted him later, he apologized and said he gets nervous and says things that don’t come out right. How can I respond?
Meryl Responds
As egregious as these comments sound, start by taking him at face value when he suggests he has foot-in-mouth syndrome.
Practice the PowerPhrases
- Why do you say that?
- Are you aware of how that sounds?
- When you say (x) it sounds (critical, attacking, competitive, etc.) Did you mean it that way?
For more levity, say:
- I'm glad we cleared that up.
- Thanks for sharing.
Sometimes it works to take inappropriate comments to the next level of absurdity. You could respond to the vacation comment by describing completely absurd things that could happen there. You could respond to the management comment by talking about how you applied to manage a lemonade stand but were under-qualified. Levity is powerful if you can use it without a hidden dagger, but destructive if you mix a little aggression in, so be careful.
Note his actions. If they seem supportive, continue to gently call him out when he misspeaks. If they are not supportive, address the actions.
I know how it feels to be stunned into silence by things people say. I wrote Unite and Concur and SpeakStrong to help myself and others learn the skills to respond instead of react to these situations.
To defuse the effect his inappropriate comments have on you, keep a list, and play with how you could have responded. That will transform his words from personal affronts into information, clues, and useful exercises. You could even send them to me for my Poison Phrases. I'll change them enough no one will ever know.
I hope this helps.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
Success Story
No story this week
Gender possessives and pronouns
Issue
339 March 4th, 2009 |
SpeakStrong Award
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We will respond with our best suggestions. We may publish your question and response anonymously unless you request that we only respond privately. We appreciate your feedback on our response. If we publish your question, be sure to check Meryl's Blog for further suggestions from our readers.
SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.