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This Week in the World
Challenges of getting conscious
This has been a week of becoming conscious for many of my friends, clients, and for me. One person is becoming aware of how she shuts down around money management considerations. Another is becoming aware of how he turns everything into work with rules and expectations that keep him tied up in knots. Another is becoming aware of how she questions and doubts herself when people get angry with her – and of how some people use that trait to manipulate her. I relate to all three challenges.
Getting conscious is much like turning up the lights in a messy house. Turning up the lights doesn’t clean the house – it just lets you see the mess so you can start the process. If you stumble over things you didn’t see and you can’t find what you want, you’ll welcome the lights. If the mess isn’t creating enough problems, you might prefer to turn the lights back off and ignore the disorder.
For some, our messes – or unconsciousness areas – create enough problems that we have to deal with them. For others, the lights are going on whether they want them to or not. Either way, people are finding they can’t stay unconscious anymore. They, and we, are being forced to face ourselves.
That’s why I added the skill based approach of SpeakStrong to the paint-by-numbers approach of PowerPhrases. The quick fixes aren’t working quite as well these days. It’s time to turn up the lights.
Once you see the messes, how do you clean them up? You get the skills. Study money management. Replace the restrictive rules and expectations with less restrictive realistic guidelines. (SpeakStrong provides communication guidelines, not rules.) Get my Say What You Mean eCourse for a weekly lesson in developing communication skills, and get SpeakStrong for the “Best EQ book on the market.”
Things can look like they get worse before they get better. That's because the lights go on. Ultimately, being conscious is a much better way to go through life than not.
New articles and new DVD for Assistants
I have a new article about priorities and getting conscious. It's called,
Keep your eye on The Ball:
Puppy lessons about priorities, distractions and focus
I also have a new article for assistants.
Savvy Assistants SpeakStrong
Key Conversations for Administrative Assistants
My recent presentation to assistants is available in DVD and MP3 formats.
Speak STRONG,
Smart, &
Sweet
The 3 Sources of Power
for Assistants to
Master Tough Conversations
"Stewart's a comedian and Cramer is a showman. If anybody takes seriously anything that [Cramer] says, they're stupid." ~ Robert Howell
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PowerPhrase of the Week
How would I know that?
I’m pretty easy about the dogs I meet on my hiking trails, but every now and then, one rushes me in a way that makes me nervous. The owners are quick to insist that their dogs are friendly. My reply is:
- How would I know that?
Their dog just charged me barking and growling, and I’m supposed to know that it’s friendly? How do I dial back my adrenaline rush, now that they reassured me?
It’s the same question I would have given Priscilla Presley to ask Elvis after he wrote the song, “You were always on my mind” for her.
- How would I know that?
And if actions don’t tell, what good are the words?
Speak Strong is the next step after PowerPhrases!
Poison Phrase of the Week
No one could have seen it coming – and the court jester is the smartest one in the kingdom
Jon Stewart did it again. Years ago he called out the anchors of the now defunct show Crossfire for their adversarial reporting. This week Stewart made news again by calling out Jim Cramer for CNBC’s lack of accuracy in reporting the financial crisis.
Cramer repeatedly defended his reporting by suggesting that,
- No one could have seen it coming.
Where did we hear that before?
If you give the keys to the car to a drunk teenager and they kill someone on the highway, can you really say no one could have seen it coming?
Actually, many people did see it coming. They prepared. They resisted the temptation to put their money with Bernie Maddof.
In the quote of the week above, Howell says anyone who believes Cramer is stupid. Note that, while Howell mentions that Stewart is a comedian, he does not say that anyone who listens to Stewart is stupid. Sometimes the court jester is the smartest one in the kingdom.
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Read about my new book release: It's the next step. |
Reader question
Insincere PowerPhrases are Poison Phrases
(And SpeakStrong needs a Web developer with programming skills)
Meryl,
I want to share a phrase I have been hearing lately - “How can I help you?” I am working with a vendor and an internal contracts person on an issue of mistaken charges. Both have tried to redirect responsibility and come back to me with this phrase.
In this case, what should be a power phrase is being used as a defensive, dismissive tactic, i.e., ‘I’ve done all I can. What more do you want?’
I would much prefer clear, decisive action or requests for more information rather than an insincere offer of 'help'.
I responded with a clear list of how they could help me in a calm, professional manner, but I thought it might be a good warning to your readers that power phrases can be misused.
Thanks for a great website Meryl.
Meryl Responds,
Ah, yes, any PowerPhrase can be a Poison Phrase when it isn’t sincere. I often respond to insincere remarks as if they were sincere, as you did. Sometimes I don’t think quickly enough and I react to my feeling of being dismissed.
Sure, the people ask to solve our problems don’t always have answers. What is baffling is how someone who is in the position of helping can justify turning a problem back on the customer without any direction. When my webmaster can’t figure out why something isn’t rendering right, I don’t appreciate her closing the investigation with the comment that “the code is fine, so there shouldn’t be a problem.” When there clearly is a problem, I would hope that those who are in a support position would at least suggest another approach or refer to someone who could solve the puzzle.
If I think fast enough, I say,
- Since you haven’t been able to solve the problem, can you refer me to someone who can?
- I understand you’ve done what you can do here, but since I still have the problem, what do you recommend I do?
- What would you do if you were in my position?
My webmaster might not be able to solve my problem herself, but I am convinced that if she were the one with a web page that doesn’t render correctly she wouldn’t just dismiss the situation because “the code is fine.”
(By the way, I'm looking for a web developer with PHP and Flash skills - and also for help with figuring out why my newsletter shows up underlined for a few readers.)
I hope you got resolution. Thanks for passing this on. It sounds like you managed the dismissive treatment brilliantly.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.