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This Week in the World
Step one: Stay calm. Martial arts and communication.
The heart of stories.
My husband is teaching me martial arts. When I try to block a throw, I flinch and my whole body stiffens. When he blocks my throws, (note I omitted the word “try”) he’s calm and relaxed.
My first step in martial arts is staying calm and conscious. I am learning to focus on what’s coming at me, and on the skills to deflect and redirect those attacks.
That’s the first step in SpeakStrong, too. Some verbal advances throw you off your game and cause you to react and go unconscious. Study those advances to identify what’s coming at you, and create responses to deflect and redirect those attacks.
My eBook Unite and Concur details how to handle hostile and manipulative political dialogue. The principles apply to all communication. Some day I’ll rewrite it to make it directly applicable to other conversations. In the meantime, I recommend it in its current form.
I challenge you to become aware of the ways you go unconscious in your conversations. Facing ourselves isn’t always fun, but developing mastery is, and facing ourselves is the first step.
The first section of my Say What You Mean eCourse is about becoming conscious of your communication habits.
New SpeakStrong story – Cinderella Sequel
I have a story coach helping me to master the art of story-writing. Story skills are important for the Speak Sweet part of Speak Strong, Smart, and Sweet. My coach says a great story is one where the heart surprises the mind. Tell me if you think my new story does that.
Cinderella Sequel:
Sad and Happy Endings, New Beginnings, and the Flow of Life
"A great story is one
where the heart surprises the mind."
~ Evan Hodkins
Sign up for your SpeakStrong Quote and Tip of the Day
PowerPhrase of the Week
I picked up the phone in case the call was urgent
When Devon found out it was Jean on the phone, he said, “Can I call you back tomorrow? I’m in the middle of some things. I just picked up the phone in case it was an important call."
Devon immediately qualified his comment, because he didn’t mean to indicate Jean’s call wasn’t important to him – just that he was fighting fires and preferred to stay focused if her call could wait.
What could he have said?
- I picked up the phone in case the call was urgent.
Jean’s call was important but not urgent. Precision matters, doesn’t it?
By the way, here’s a sign an assistant sent me years ago that lets people know when she’s fighting fires. We all should have signs like this.
Speak Strong is the next step after PowerPhrases!
Poison Phrase of the Week
He’s the teacher. I shouldn't question his decision.
When Kathy’s teacher put her ceramics project in the kiln, she wondered why he didn’t put sand under it to ensure it wouldn’t crack as it dried. The words, “Shouldn’t we put sand under it?” ran through her mind several times as he put it in the kiln, but the thought,
- He’s the teacher. I shouldn't question his decision.
...kept her from speaking. Kathy regretted her silence when her project came out cracked.
Misplaced respect for authority is one of the Lame Excuses that keep us from speaking up. Respect for authority shouldn’t override our own observations. When in doubt, ask. If the answer doesn’t satisfy, keep asking until it does. When you realize later that you didn't speak up when you should have, practice the words you wish you had said to reinforce the idea of speaking up for the future.
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Read about my new book release: It's the next step. |
Reader question / input request
From the blog: Scary dogs
I tried your recent PowerPhrase yesterday when a dog owner told me his dog was friendly. I asked, "how would I know that?" He snapped back “Because I told you.” How frustrating. Next time I’ll use a statement instead of a question - something like “well your dog’s not acting friendly”.
This is a BIG issue for me because I live near a beach where dogs aren’t even allowed, in a city which requires dogs to always be on leash, yet they run free and scare me regularly. I’d appreciate any more ideas you have.
Meryl responds
Readers? I'd like your help on this one. My inclination is to think this man knows he's in the wrong and so he's resorting to bully tactics. If that's true, courtesy and reason won't work. Only power will.
If his dog is free illegally, you actually have the power in this situation. Carry a camera and take pictures of the dogs that scare you. Say,
- Dogs are illegal here. I don't mind dogs that are well-mannered, but I do object to dogs that intimidate. If you won't control your dog, I will report it.
I don't know if that will work, but it seems worth checking. Readers, please help.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
Success Story
The Detective Mom gives good advice and so does the assistant coach
I passed your PowerPhrase from The Detective Mom on to several friends. They called me to tell me how well it worked for them to let their children know that they would consider requests made in private but refuse requests made in front of others. It’s useful to see how we can stand up to manipulation – which our kids do so well.
Also, in your keynote for assistants, you talk about getting managers together and setting policies and boundaries for workload management. I did that. I told my managers how I would prioritize their work. That clarity helped us all.
Thanks for the support.
Issue
343 April 2nd, 2009 |
in Denver, Colorado
April 30th
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Ask Meryl
We will respond with our best suggestions. We may publish your question and response anonymously unless you request that we only respond privately. We appreciate your feedback on our response. If we publish your question, be sure to check Meryl's Blog for further suggestions from our readers.
SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.