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This Week in the World
Big stories, myths, and accumulating power
A bigger story: Rev. Evan Hodkins says depression is a signal that the story you're telling yourself is too small. As a writer, I see a bigger story in everything. I just opened a bottle of juice that wouldn’t budge by putting on a rubber glove. I don’t know why it works, but it does. The bigger story for that is that often savvy is more powerful than pure force.
Bigger stories add depth to life, which is one of the reasons I love mythology. For example, the story of Psyche, who had to complete four tasks to be reunited with her husband, gives steps we all can use to face bigger challenges. Psyche had to sort seeds (use discernment, separate the nonsense from truth). She had to fill a cup with water from a treacherous stream (seek nourishment, look for love in the right places). She had to get Golden Fleece from Rams (accumulate power without getting rammed in the process). Once that was complete, she embarked on her journey. In her travels, she had to say “no” to ardent requests, (set focus, establish boundaries, and say no to distractions).
Speaking Strong involves all four tasks. I’ll focus on the third – sources of power.
Gathering power: Psyche originally thought she had to confront the Rams to get the fleece. She discovered she could gather the fleece that had caught on the bushes and trees as the Rams slept at night. That approach allowed her to accomplish her goal without endangering herself.
When you have less overt power than others have, you can leverage the power you do have. For example, many assistants can get things done their bosses can’t, because they don’t rely on the power inherent in their titles. They gather power by currying favor, understanding how things really operate, and making themselves indispensable. They do this without waking the sleeping Rams (emotional triggers dormant in our reptilian brains). That’s why a PowerPhrase is as strong as it needs to be, and no stronger. If those Rams are sleeping, don't wake them up. Overt power can awaken the aggression in your listener.
Timing: The Rams in the myth also point to the importance of timing. When someone is in reaction – when his or her Rams are bandying about – the truly powerful may choose to wait. That can require a real strength of will. It can be tough to wait to speak until you’ve sorted the seeds, gained nourishment, and set your focus. Sometimes it takes more strength to wait to speak until the Rams are sleeping – both their's and your's.
So if you’re tempted to go in with guns blazing this week, ask yourself if the situation really calls for that kind of power. Perhaps it does – but if it doesn’t, toughness might wake sleeping Rams and trigger a reaction. Savvy inspires a response. You might find yourself having conversations you didn’t know you could.
If the temptation to force a result seems overwhelming, consider the story you’re telling yourself. Perhaps the story you’re telling yourself is too small. Tell yourself a bigger story and get a more powerful result.
Last week's blog posts
I got lots of comments on the blog last week about flaws in my advice - and suggestions for improvement. Visit the blog and tell me what you think.
"Depression is a signal that the story you're telling yourself is too small."
~ Evan Hodkins
Sign up for your SpeakStrong Quote and Tip of the Day
PowerPhrase of the Week
Thanks for reminding me
It’s bad enough not to deliver on a promise or to fail to respond to a request. It’s another to react negatively when someone reminds you. That’s why it’s helpful to respond to a reminder by saying,
- Thanks for reminding me.
If the person nudging you is apologetic, let them know their reminder is both reasonable and welcome by saying,
- I’m sorry to have put you in the position of having to (ask several times.)
in Denver, Colorado
April 30th
Speak Strong is the next step after PowerPhrases!
Poison Phrase of the Week
I thought about asking that but didn't...
From a reader blog comment
When I train staff, I tell them the one thing that will irritate me is saying,
- I thought about asking about that, but didn’t.
All other interruptions and questions are welcome.
May I suggest one of Meryl’s tools? Treat yourself like a client. What advice would you give your 3rd person self?
If the instructor (from last week's Poison Phrase) makes you feel bad for questioning, then it’s time to evaluate the instructor. Ditto with doctors.
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Read about my new book release: It's the next step. |
Reader question
I'd like to finish my own sentences
How do I deal with someone who finishes my sentences for me?
Meryl responds
Explore whether something you do causes them to finish your sentences. Chances are they have a faster pace than you do, and lack the patience to wait for you to reach your conclusion. That can rush you, shut you down, and force a hasty and imperfect conclusion.
If that is the problem, suggest that you'll do what you can to communicate in their style and ask them to have the trust and patience to communicate in yours.
You also could invite them to take my communication style inventory. It will give them - and you - tips on ways to communicate with different styles.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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There's lots of information about how to communicate |
Success Story
Negotiating workload limits
Light bulbs went on for me when I read in your newsletter about how bosses will pile work on as long as employees keep doing everything they ask without complaint or feedback.
I was working until 9:00 each night and burning myself out. So I implemented some of the strategies in your assistant training to make my work visible and to negotiate workload.
Guess what – I’m going home on time each evening. I’m also making a lot less in overtime…but I’m happy to have my life back.
Learn to manage your boss...
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Issue
344 April 8, 2009 |
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We will respond with our best suggestions. We may publish your question and response anonymously unless you request that we only respond privately. We appreciate your feedback on our response. If we publish your question, be sure to check Meryl's Blog for further suggestions from our readers.
SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.