If you are receiving this in error, please scroll down for information about safe email removal. Do not hit reply.
This Week in the World
Feedback, Psyche's 1st task, and the bully article
I asked my associate for input on the title of a project I'm working on and she gave me whole lot more than I asked for. I joked about not wanting that much feedback, but quickly clarified that,
- While I like the idea of you and everyone thinking I’m perfect in every way, what I really want is to be as effective and professional as possible. I welcome your insight.
Not everyone values the rare gift that someone capable of quality feedback gives. That kind of insight can be uncomfortable, but it's also essential for clarity.
Psyche's 1st task was to sort the seeds - assess and separate ideas to gain clarity. Our clarity allies are focus, time and feedback.
Some feedback tells you, not that you're wrong, but that you're not clear in your expression. I amended my Back Off Bully article from last week based on blog feedback that showed me where my writing lacked clarity.
I also received feedback about how brilliantly the process in the article helps sort seeds of "incompletion in the nervous system." When people don't know what they say, they usually say nothing. Practice your communication options before you get a wake-up call like the one in the article and the wake-up call that got that started me on my SpeakStrong journey.
Two new NIA dance workouts at SpeakStronginLove.com
"When people don't know what to say,
they usually say nothing." ~ Meryl Runion
Sign up for your SpeakStrong Quote and Tip of the Day
PowerPhrase of the Week
That’s a separate issue
A political example for a communication point almost caused the dialogue to go off the topic of good communication on to the topic of politics. Fortunately one listener brought the conversation back on track by observing,
- That’s a separate issue.
It’s important to know when a conversation goes down a side road, and it’s also important to know how to bring it back on track when it does.
Speak Strong is the next step after PowerPhrases!
Poison Phrase of the Week
An undeserved one-star rating
I’m a big fan of customer ratings of books and products. I value specific, honest feedback and don’t appreciate feedback that distorts the results. When an author’s friends post rave reviews as a favor, it interferes with my ability to assess it. It also interferes with ratings when someone slams a product in a review because of poor customer service from the vendor. Those are the comments that say,
- I’m rating it one star even though I haven’t read the book yet (used the product, etc.) because Amazon messed up my order.
Be careful to stay on purpose when you give feedback.
Have any of you ever been penalized in a performance review for "under-performance" in an area that isn't actually your job?
Get How to Say It: Performance Reviews
 |
Read about my new book release: It's the next step. |
Reader question
Passing complaints up the ladder
Meryl,
Hello, I need to know how to say something without hurting feelings. I am an adjunct teacher at a school and know that the way they are running the program has many issues. I hear daily complaints from students and feel that it's time to talk to someone. How would you approach this?
Response
Sometimes the truth hurts, even when it’s spoken sweetly, so it may not be possible to say it in a way that doesn’t offend. You can minimize the sting if you:
- Ask permission to offer feedback. Frame it in the context that you are in a position to hear things that administration is not, and that your information could be useful to them.
- Let them know why you share the info. That you want the school to be as successful as it can be. That you’re speaking as someone who is concerned and cares.
- Organize your feedback into categories.
- Be specific, with concrete examples.
- Focus on solutions more than problems. Take each complaint and turn it around into a recommendation.
- Adopt and maintain the stance of support and service.
Once you’ve had your say, leave the ball in their court and listen. It’s appropriate for you to share the information. It’s up to them to decide to use it or not.
Tell me how it goes.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
 |
There's lots of information about how to communicate |
Success Story
Responding to criticism with questions
My husband was agitated with me about how I handled a situation at dinner the previous evening. Instead of withdrawing or lashing out at his "feedback" of my behavior, I calmly asked, "Would you please describe for me exactly what your expectations are?" The question disarmed him, kept me from overreacting, and allowed us to have a constructive conversation. Win-win.
Issue
347 April 29, 2009 |
SpeakStrong Award
Send in your success stories
and receive a free
Pippi Pangea Giraffe
SpeakStrong Award.
Ask Meryl
We will respond with our best suggestions. We may publish your question and response anonymously unless you request that we only respond privately. We appreciate your feedback on our response. If we publish your question, be sure to check Meryl's Blog for further suggestions from our readers.
SpeakStrong Definition
To express yourself both powerfully &
effectively;
to say what you mean,
mean what you say,
without being mean
when you say it.