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July 29, 2009 - Issue 358

This Week: The fine art of working playfully. The destructive art of turning play into work.

I had an entertaining read this week: a book called: “What’s Your Poo Telling You.”

Before you tell me I need to get out more, let me tell you that it’s written in such a delightfully entertaining fashion that even if you’ve never wondered about such things, you’ll find yourself wanting to learn everything.

Lighthearted approaches to serious topics enhance learning. That’s one of the reasons my Conflict Management seminar is so popular. We laugh our way through the day – and learn a lot.

My husband and I playfully remind each other to do things. For example, when he forgets to close the closet door, he finds the most interesting things in his jacket pockets. Sure beats nagging. When I don't put things back in their proper place, I get surprises too.

Turning work into play…and getting results…is delightful art. And turning play into work is a destructive one…and one that we too often apply. I think of a video where Oprah runs on a treadmill affirming how much she hates it every step of the way. I wanted to shake her and suggest she take up NIA. (Note: if you love the treadmill I say go for it. And if you don't like NIA, don't push it.)

Turning exercise into work is a loss, but it's nothing compared to the way people work at relaxing. If you ever learned TM meditation, you know that getting your meditation “checked” is all about making sure you’re not using effort in your practice. You can’t use the sympathetic nervous system to invoke a parasympathetic relaxation response.

Relationships are similar. That’s why whenever I hear the phrase “work on our relationship” it’s a red flag. Yes, relationships do require nurturing and attention and development. But if you consider your relationships work, friends and families become tasks to be dispensed with and problems to be solved. It can be dehumanizing. 

A PowerPhrase is as strong as it needs to be and no stronger. Playfulness and lightheartedness create receptivity and soften resistance. Things unfold when you don't push so hard.

So find a way to add fun to your life this week. And if reading one of my books is part of your agenda, have fun with it.

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Learn more about my keynotes and seminars here.

 

One trick pony: Tyranny of the tool

A review of the movie The Wrestler. Read and comment.

 

SpeakStrong: She doesn't know she gets to have a voice

Kids need to SpeakStrong too. Read and comment.

 

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Goofy PowerPhrase: This is your missing checkbook calling

When Lynn left her checkbook at the chiropractor’s office, he got on the phone and left the following message.

• This is your checkbook calling. You left me here. It’s dark and scary. Come get me.

Lynn got a chuckle out of it and the chiropractor enjoyed his day more due to the added touch of play.

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PowerPhrase: And that's how the fight ended

A friend forwarded me an email of jokes that all had the punch line: “And that’s how the fight started.” It is a collection of Poison Phrases – some based on cluelessness and others on meanness, but also pretty funny.

It reminded me of a list of Poison Phrases in performance reviews that are circulated over the internet. Again: they are funny, but not nice. They inspired myself and my coauthor of How to Say It: Performance Reviews to create a list of Bonus Superlative Review Phrases that are as over-the-top positive as the others are over-the-top negative.

I consider the “that’s when the fight started” list to be a challenge for me to create a “that’s how the fight ended” series – that is every bit as  funny and not a bit divisive.

Well…here’s my first attempt.

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.
And that's how the fight started….

How about:

• My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her it looked small compared to her enormous heart. And that’s how the fight ended.

Check the link at the beginning of this post and let me know what suggestions you have. Or original ones would be lovely as well.

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PowerPhrase: The Anti-Boot Camp

Read and comment

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Poison Phrase: Have to

I was disheartened to hear my friend  use the word:

- have to

20 times in a recent conversation as she described her hectic schedule. Many of the things she listed would be sources of joy under less chaotic circumstances. When we get overloaded, even something like getting the perfect gift from a friend can become a burden. Now you “have to” find a place to put it and “have to” write a thank-you note, "have to" select a gift for them that is as perfect...the list goes on.

Sometimes we use these words out of a negative habit. Other times, we’ve taken on so much that we aren’t just saying we “have to” do pretty much everything we do – we experience our lives as being all about obligation.

When you find yourself using the word “have to” when some might say “get to,” either change your circumstances or the way you talk about things. While I don’t recommend putting a happy face on negative circumstances, I do recommend being conscious in everything you do, and letting your thoughts and words reflect the fact that you actually do have and make choices.

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Poison Phrase: Work on

I don't use "have to" much, but I do catch myself talking about working on things that I actually enjoy. Read and comment

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That's it for now. Have a great week. I have to travel next week to work on some things. Oh, wait. I get to travel next week to play with some ideas. So I won't be posting, but will have plenty to say in two weeks.