Issue 360 - August 19, 2009
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Perfunctory performance reviews and other empty words
My client’s organization stopped giving performance reviews years ago because they were perfunctory. Employees wrote their own and the managers rubber stamped them. That rewarded dishonest positives. Now his organization is ready to revamp their entire system and start a meaningful review process.

Ingenuous reviews are worse than no reviews at all. When reviews are part of an integrated management system, they are not only painless but tremendously valuable. I write about that system in How to Say It: Performance Reviews. You can get a snippet of my performance management process by visiting my free stuff page and scrolling about a third of the way down.

One problem with perfunctory reviews (among many) is that if a manager does not whitewash an employee’s performance but accurately addresses issues, that manager can be considered a trouble-maker. Authenticity in an inauthentic environment can often be misinterpreted.

How do you communicate in ways that invite inauthenticity in your personal and professional life? How do you invite authenticity?

By the way, my client mentioned that he refers to the training I gave at his previous company more than any other training he has attended. I was gratified to hear that – especially since it has been nine years since I presented the training.

Crying over maudlin movies

I have a new commitment to myself. I will allow myself to cry at maudlin movies – and even over long distance commercials. If the producer is manipulating me, so be it. Sure, I’ll think twice before I act on impulse like the hero in the flick did. Yes, I’lI decide whether to change phone services based on reason, not the emotional impact of the reunited family in the commercial. But I’ll let myself feel sweetness where ever I find it without asking permission from my intellect. I invite you to do the same to open yourself to tenderness of feeling.

I think of a couple of little girls who showed me their homemade bow and arrow. It shot no more than six inches, but they took joy in their accomplishment. Their joy was in no way diminished by their knowledge that “real” bows and arrows cover greater distance.

I wish I could watch movies with those two. What a heart-opener that would be.

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PowerPhrase: My goal is to help you succeed

When performance reviews are part of a system of effective performance tracking and management, the actual review has very little corrective focus, more celebrative acknowledgment, and is mainly focused on future success. That’s why:

• My goal is to help you succeed

is a PowerPhrase in performance reviews. .

PowerPhrase: Exaggeration as a humor tool

The Detective Mom is at it again. I got a laugh out of her comment that:
"My youngest’s first complete sentence was, ‘Mommy, can we get a dog now?'"

While I have felt victimized by exaggerated complaints and other abuses of exaggeration, it makes me chuckle to picture a toddler speaking this way for the very first time. In fact, it has me wanting to write a whole book where kids speak as in this example.

Okay, maybe not a whole book. Perhaps I exaggerate.

PowerPhrase: Why buy a book on...

In an article on great book marketing by Joanna Penn, she speaks of what one author did that drives sales. She writes:

The first chapter is entitled “Why a book on robots and war?” and the first line “Because robots are frakin’ cool”. That says it all! If you have a book that a market will definitely buy, you just need to tell them you are there (and that is marketing!)

I must practice now. Why buy a book on SpeakStrong? Because Speaking Strong is way more fun and powerful than the alternative.

How am I doing?

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Poison Phrase – Parties without pickles
This phrase comes from the movie “Because of Winn Dixie.” When a guest brought pickles to a party, the hostess said, “It wouldn’t be a party without pickles.”

Another guest said,

- I’ve been to lots of parties without pickles.

This is a hilarious example of someone listening and speaking too literally. The character in the movie made a save by adding,

• And not one of them was any fun.

The hostess spoke to acknowledge the thoughtfulness and tender intent of the guest, and the first response took that away by being literal. The offender did catch himself.

My husband and I use this example to remind each other when we’re listening with our analytical  minds when we need to listen with our hearts. We’ll mention:

• parties without pickles

to get the other to lighten up.

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Reader Question: An unresponsive bus driver

Meryl, I particularly loved your response in the current newsletter.

As a follower of yours since the time I saw you in 2002 in Canberra, Australia, I find anything I butt up against in life, I often ask myself how you would handle a situation and try and respond accordingly.

A friend of mine has a morning bus driver that, as she is the only person to board at her stop (she is in her early 50’s), finds that the driver doesn’t wait until she releases her bus ticket from the machine and sits down, he powers off whilst she has no capacity to hold on, ie: office bag in one hand and bus ticket in the other still attached to the machine.

She has written a polite online note to the bus company and received a rather blunt reply reminding her that buses run to a timetable and that it's not policy to wait for passengers to be seated.  Might I say that her afternoon driver insists on waiting for passengers to be seated before resuming travel at every stop.

My friend is quietly spoken and I suspect is uncomfortable in addressing the driver, what would you suggest Meryl?

Thank you for your valued opinion.

Suggestion:

I suggest that your friend ask the evening bus driver for his ideas. He would be in a good position to advise.

If she does that, please let me know what the driver suggests.

Reader Question: Sentence where emphasis changes meaning

Meryl, I am presenting a workshop with my boss and we are in need of a sentence to use where emphasizing one word changes the meaning of the sentence, similar to the “ah” exercise, where voice intonation changes the meaning.  Hope you can help with a suggestion.

Thank you.

Response,

How about “I never suggested you stole the money,” Start by emphasizing I, then NEVER, then SUGGESTED etc.

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Reader comment from China

I am Hill, an amateur from Beijing, RPC. I found SpeakStrong’s website occasionally, and its colorful contents attracted me. So, I have a good idea, introduce the website to my friends. So, I want adduce some quotation information from the SpeakStrong. Can I? That's all. .

Notes: one of my books is available in Chinese. I can't read it so I don't know if it's any good. Also, share away. I prefer to receive credit, but don't insist on it.

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Blog comments

Parties without pickles

The speed of love

Hit the ground dancing

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Got a question or comment? Post to the blog or: Ask Meryl.