Issue 363, Sept 9, 2009
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Lucy’s football, metaphors and expectations management

There’s something about metaphors and analogies that clarify perceptions and ideas. My husband uses them in his heath care practice, with illustrations like, “taking too little of a supplement and then claiming it doesn’t work is like pouring a glass of water on a forest fire and blaming the water for not working.” Makes the point, doesn’t it?

My friend and I created a metaphor about relying on people who don’t have good follow-through. We say it’s like Lucy’s football. She would hold the football for Charlie Brown, he’d gear up to kick it, and she’d pull the football.

We did adapt the metaphor a bit. Lucy was malicious in her antics. The people who leave us hanging aren’t malicious, they’re distracted. But you know what? The end result is the same. After landing on our behinds trying to kick a ball that wasn’t there, we become hesitant in our approach. We always wonder whether the ball will be there when we land our kick.

It’s called expectations management. Since people base their action on what we lead them to believe we will do, it’s important that we create accurate expectations. Some auditors tell me their motto is to say what they’ll do and to do what they say. Their word is their bond. Funny, isn’t it, that doing that is enough of a rarity that it makes them stand out in a crowd? We need fewer Lucys and more good expectation managers.

Today’s Luann strip has the father using metaphor in a brilliant way with Luann’s brother Brad. He says,

• Remember when you were little you so wanted to ride the roller coaster but you were terrified? Love’s exactly like that.

Do you suppose Brad understood what he was saying? His father’s words painted a vibrant picture for him. How can you paint more pictures when you write and speak?

Why “Saintly Patience” is better than “Patience of a Saint”

I mentioned in an email to a client that one of his receptionists has the “Patience of a Saint.”  It didn’t sit quite right with me, because I find that any use of cliche makes us go a bit unconscious. We think we know what they mean and don’t think about the implications.

When you change a cliche even slightly, it gets the attention and gets us to actually hear what is being said in ways we are more likely to miss when spoken in its usual form. That’s why

• Saintly patience

is more powerful than the patience of a saint.

When you find yourself giving voice to cliches, alter them just a bit. It give them fresh, new meaning.

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PowerPhrase: Your employees are priority, not distraction

At a recent performance management training, the HR director said,

• We need the managers to shift into regarding employees as a priority, not a distraction.

It’s easy in the hubbub of a busy day to regard requests for information and support from the people we manage to be something that takes us away from what we “should” be doing. This quote shifted the priority in a beautiful way.

PowerPhrase: What do you mean by that?

I recently posted some responses for inappropriate questions. This week, I heard another one that I like quite well. It’s simply to ask,

• What did you mean by that?

Asked in a straightforward manner, it provides a mirror for any kind of unconscious communication, and that mirror makes it conscious. It holds them accountable without being hostile, parental or attacking.

If the intent was conscious hostility and their response makes that clear, at least you know what you’re dealing with.

This PowerPhrase came from a therapist, but it’s very useful whenever someone is complaining about the way things are. Ask,

• What did you expect?

Many of us have idealized or romanticized expectations of people, possibilities, etc. and it’s great to uncover them.

Of course foresight is always the best, with the PowerPhrase,

• What DO you expect?

Many of my friends are reaching a point where they can’t push themselves like they once did. One friend is experiencing severe back pain. When my hubby asked her what she was using for it, she said,

- Will power.

I reached a point a few years back that I see many of my younger friends flirt with now – a point where they can’t power through everything like they once did. They need to work with their bodies, kids, creativity and reality in general and are not able to override as they once did. You can only live on borrowed money, others’ good will, and adrenaline only for so long.

Will power is mind over matter. Eventually matter fights back. It usually works better to listen to matter before she fights back with a vengeance. It’s good to adjust while you still have savings, trust, and your adrenals.

It can take a lot of will power to stop using will power to make everything happen the way you think it should right away. That use of

• Will power

is a PowerPhrase, not a Poison Phrase.

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Blog comments

Alligators and empowerment: Speak Strong, Smart or Sweet?
Reader Question: A verbal alligator pit called work

Poison Phrase: Haven’t we already had this conversation?

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