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Issue 365, Oct 29, 2009 Do not hit reply. I NEED YOUR HELP: What changes would you like to see in my book revisions?McGraw Hill asked me to revise and update my Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors book, as they plan to relaunch it. I also know it’s time to revise and update PowerPhrases!. What changes would you like to see? In addition to more phrases, I want to add sections to both books on the changing tone and communication values due to the fact that women now outnumber men in supervisory positions, the influence of Gen X and Gen Y in the workplace and intergenerational communication, mentoring, and social networking. PowerPhrase: May I put the ball in your court for this? My friend and colleague Linda Larsen did me the favor of referring me to a meeting planner who is looking for conference speakers. Linda called to tell me about it as she drove home, so when I asked for her to send me the agent’s name for the event, she said,
She went on to explain how challenging it is for her to remember all the requests she gets when she is traveling. I empathized and agreed to send her an email request. It’s important to know our limits and to avoid commitments we can’t honor. It was easy for me to send a reminder, it took the burden of remembering off her, and ensured me the result I wanted… this planner’s contact info. PowerPhrase: Please call me back when you can give me your full attention Seconds after I answered a welcome call from a service provider, I heard a lot of bangs, grinding, and machine noise. I found it hard to hear, and did not get the impression the man was giving me his full attention. I asked if he was doing something else, and he explained he was trying to get his van started. I asked,
The noise stopped and he did give me the attention I needed to be able to tell him what I needed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Poison Phrase: Are you afraid to drive on ice and snow? In deciding whether to keep an appointment in town, I asked a friend who drove up to get something about road conditions. She gave me a report, and then asked, - Are you afraid to drive on ice and snow? I replied that I wasn’t, but that I also am aware that I’m not invincible, and I want to exercise due caution. My friend’s words implied that the only reason not to drive on ice is fear. We often send this kind of signal without realizing it. And I have often gotten caught in the trap of other people’s definitions without knowing what happened. As I become more aware of this kind of dynamic, I can respond in ways that matches my own experience rather than finding myself trapped in a box that doesn’t fit at all. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Reader Question: How to respond when someone tells you that you don't look sick? Meryl, I have been reading books recently on hidden chronic illness and pain. One phrase that keeps turning up in the books is: - Well you don’t look sick. If a person lives with chronic pain and has made a special effort to attend an event, hearing this phrase tends to make a person angry and frustrated. If you protest that you actually are ill, in pain or disabled, often people will argue the point with you. Lots of people these days have hidden health issues, including digestive problems, back problems, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, lupus, and more. One book I read said 1 in 3 people live with chronic pain. Meryl responds: The benefit of the doubt would interpret this as a compliment rather than a negation. My first thought is to respond with,
But there are several possible approaches. One would be to ask,
Or something like,
Readers? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Blog comments Got a comment or question? Comment on my blog and Ask Meryl. |
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