Issue 371, Jan 13, Happy 2010
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MBTS: Management by throwing spaghetti at the wall

Management authors and consultants are apt to name and define new management styles such as MBO: Management by Objective, and MBWA: Management by Walking Around. I have my own style. I call it MBTS. That's Management by Throwing Spaghetti at the Wall.

First you throw ideas out to see what sticks, and what associates do with the ideas. You don’t tell them what you want because you don’t know until you see what sticks to the wall. That tells you what spaghetti to throw at it next. Eventually the projects get defined.

Some associates love it and others… well… they find it maddening. They prefer to start with a recipe - with a concrete list of action steps. You'll get to those lists eventually once you’ve sorted the spaghetti; and it will be a much better list than you would have if you started in a more linear fashion.

Stephen Covey would call it cultivating synergy. I call it reciprocal engagement. Whatever it is, it requires a good level of comfort with ambiguity. Whatever it is, it works really well… if you can stand it.

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Speaking Strong isn’t dumping

One of my friends posted on social media about how sometimes you need to stand for truth and slay dragons. I read it with interest, thinking she sounded militant and that there was a story behind her post. Several days later I happened to speak with the “dragon” she slayed. He was devastated.

Speaking Strong isn’t dumping on someone and feeling empowered. It’s not self-righteous preaching. When people don’t speak up for a while, they often let it out in one below-the-belt attack that leaves them feeling relieved and the recipient either feeling revengeful or devastated. Or both. We've all done it.

That’s why it’s important to address the small stuff before it becomes big stuff.

It keeps us from getting preachy. I know the more I clear as I go, the less I need to dump and the less preachy I become. It's a quieter, more graceful empowerment. Hey, I'm working on it.

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Cats can catalyze conversations

My husband and I are reading and enjoying Dewey: The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched the World

The book is ostensibly about a somewhat remarkable cat that lived in an Iowa library; but it's also about the pleasures and the trials and tribulations of midwestern life and of the author, Vicki Myron. Dewey provides a doorway into the mind and heart of a cancer survivor. He provides a lot of doorways.

Animals can be amazing communication catalysts. Some of the most meaningful conversations we have can spring from seeming fluff. Pardon my pun, but it's true. If you're too quick to dismiss the fluff, you might miss the depth. That's why I have a chapter on small talk in PowerPhrases. There's nothing small about it.

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PowerPhrase: I’m here to check in with you, not check up on you.

Managers sometimes find employees resist their involvement, thinking they are checking up on them. Here’s a phrase I like:

•     I’m here to check in with you, not to check up on you.

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Poison Phrase: Teachable moment

The term:

- teachable moment

…made the list of words to lose in 2010. I had just used it in a book proposal. Even as I wrote it, I had a sense of it not being quite right. The article about words to lose called it condescending. Why? Because it’s parental. It implies authoritarian superiority. SpeakStrong  blog commenter Sharon suggested the term:

• Educational moment

That term implies learning goes both ways. Our vocabulary needs to change as we lose our authoritarian model of management communication.

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Reader question: Abusing sick leave

Meryl,
How would you go about addressing an issue regarding your co-workers abusing vacation and sick leave time?  Two of my co-workers use and abuse their leave as soon as they earn it.  My Administrator does not seem to want to address this issue and it is causing low morale for those of us who are at work every day and get stuck handling additional responsibilities.

Suggestion,
You use the word "abuse" to describe what your coworkers do. Do you think they would agree with your word choice? I'm not there, but I suspect they might choose a different word like... oh ...say enjoy.

Your coworkers might be slackers who are gaming the system at everyone else’s expense. Or they might be people who like their time off and have different assumptions about what leave time is for. They might think everyone should use the time like they do and be happy to reciprocate covering for when their colleagues leave.

So instead of abuser/victim language, talk about it in terms of wanting to operate under the same understanding of what the time is for. Your administrator might be more willing to address the issue if it’s framed without accusation. Something like this:

• Most of us see vacation time as something we plan in advance so our co-workers can arrange to cover for us. We see sick time as being for when we're really ill. Some of us operate under a different mind set, and it's creating low morale for those who feel overloaded when our colleagues take off. Can we collaborate and clarify our policies around time-off so we can minimize surprises and all enjoy our days away without guilt or disharmony? 

Again, since I don't know the situation, this might not apply - but do let me know.

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Blog comments

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Your “walking wounded” dictionary

Scary dogs

This is an exciting project

David Meerman Scott's phrases to overcome resistance to change

I don't want to make my emergency yours

Got a comment or question? Comment on my blog and Ask Meryl.