Issue 372, February 4, 2010
follow me on twitter
Got a question or comment? Please comment on my blog or email here: Ask Meryl.
Do not hit reply.

Dewey the Library Cat has emotional clout

My husband and I have been reading Dewey the Library Cat before bed for two months, and as we neared the final chapters, we knew what was coming. Still, tears streamed down my cheeks as we read about how Dewey died. When my husband closed the book, he said, “We read the entire Little House series. Ma and Pa died and Mary went blind. Why are we crying over Dewey?”

Because Dewey the Library Cat is written from a very intimate and personal perspective. The author shares her heart and hardships with a sweetness that never gives way to bitterness. Instead of becoming bitter, hardship intensifies her love for Dewey and her town and all the tragically flawed people in her life. And she lets us in on her inner experience as well as the outer details of her life.

Read the Amazon reviews here. Dewey: The Small Town Cat Who Touched the World. A few one star reviews point out genuine flaws in the book, but most of the reviewers overlook those flaws because Dewey the Library Cat carries emotional clout. People are far more forgiving when they sense authenticity.

Dewey was a somewhat remarkable cat, and Vicki, his owner, is a simple human like the rest of us. Both help us see how remarkable the “ordinary” really is.  They show how much emotional clout there can be in simple lives simply lived. Our own lives have emotional clout too, if we let them.

comment

Social media savvy and New Dymamics

My social media coach and Technology Cheerleader, Phyllis, is a sincere and savvy social networker. She helped me get my foundations, and had no problem when I put our process on hold to focus on other things. In the meantime, she sends me links to articles that tie into what I’m focused on and posts on my blog from time to time. Her helpfulness off the clock keeps her in mind for what I’m ready to go back on the clock.

Sharon is similar. She does a little research and writing for me, particularly in the area of disability, since that’s her focus. And she regularly sends me links to leads and articles she thinks I can use. I remembered her when I decided I could use some help in my disabilities in the revision of my Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors book.

Both like what I do, so it isn’t some kind of contrived formulaic strategy. It’s a sincere engagement that enhances continued engagement, and makes me want to do things like post about how great they are.

I could write about my new assistant too, but I better not get started on that. I’ll just say that the New Dynamics of Communication are relational, and people who engage naturally have a distinct advantage. And more fun, of course. I’m having lots of fun these days with my amazing formal and informal teams.

comment

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PowerPhrase: Passing rumors is gossip

Three “WikisRUs” employees were riding in a car discussing the management changes the company was going through. When they started sharing rumors, Nancy pulled out her cell phone (she wasn’t driving) and called her manager to ask questions about what she was hearing. She did that because she remembered her manager saying,

• Passing rumors instead of verifying them is a destructive form of gossip. Gossip doesn’t serve our team, but clarifying rumors does. I will respond to all questions about rumors you’ve heard.

Her manager was able to clear up most of the rumors, and her team members discovered they were better off verifying rumors than spreading them too.

comment

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rankist Poison Phrase: I’ll have Nancy do that.

I deeply respect people who work for non-profits because they believe in the cause. Often they are overworked and underpaid. However, I do find that because they give so much, some develop a sense of entitlement that can carry over into how they treat volunteers. They need to watch for remarks like,

- I’ll have Nancy do that

that create an impression of servitude. Nancy, in this case, is a volunteer, and everything she does is service. Volunteers still need to be accountable and to do what they say they will, but they also need to know their service is appreciated. I don’t recommend anyone “having” others do things for them, even when they’re paid. But volunteers especially need wording that doesn’t sound like the manager is pulling rank.

• I’ll ask Nancy to do that

is a better choice of words.

comment

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SpeakStrong question: can suggestions wait?

Meryl,
Often times when I’m surrounded by deadlines I will receive a suggestion from an associate that requires a response.  I’m working on developing a power phrase that would acknowledge the suggestion and suggest a course of action.  I’d like to acknowledge they’ve been heard and at the same time put the ball back in their court.

I choose not to say something like “Intriguing idea, thanks for taking the time to share it.  I’m swamped right now!  I’m up to my lashes in deadlines and am busy juggling multiple projects.  Just don’t have time right now to pursue this suggestion.”

That would be victim mentality at play and might insult the associate – or make them feel unimportant.

Do you have suggestions for tweaks?

Recommendation (after more correspondence)

So it seems what you really need to do is be clear about what you want and why, and then ask for it. Interestingly, I got this email from my McGraw Hill editor.

• I’d be more than willing to take a look at both proposals.  Rather than send them to me now, though, since I’ll be out on vacation for a bit, email them to me after the New Year.  That way, they’ll be at the top of my inbox!

Doesn’t that sound like exactly what you’ve been saying?

It’s kind of like a parent with 20 kids, who clearly can’t parent with the same attentiveness to each child that an only child gets. While they want each child to know they’re loved, there is a reality that must be accepted.

But since you do have periods where you’re more available, explain your project workload, tell them when the best time for you to review suggestions is, and have them ask themselves in between periods,

• Can it wait?

If it can, then ask that they hold those suggestions until the designated times. Otherwise, I assume you would want to field them as they arise.

If there are people who don’t quite get the message and offer suggestions freely in between times, your PowerPhrase is

• Can it wait?

too, with a review of when you like to receive suggestions if it can.

comment

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blog comments

Poison Phrase: Teacheable Moment

MBTS: Management by throwing spaghetti at the wall

Reader question about coworkers who abuse sick leave

38,000,000 plus hits on tech blog illustrates a New (Rule) Dynamic of Communication

Got a comment or question? Comment on my blog and Ask Meryl.