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Issue 379, April 14, 2010 Do not hit reply New Communication Dynamics PostsI just bought a new domain name at Go Daddy. There has to be a better way. I felt like I was navigating a check-out mine field. I started with a one year registration and when I clicked proceed, it had 5 years selected. So I deselected that and continued through about five pages where the button for what I wanted was hard to find, and more than I wanted was set up to seem like the natural next step. I like being offered choices I might want, but this went far beyond serving me options to attempts to trick me into ordering things I neither want nor need. I confess, last year I registered a few domains for five years when I only wanted one. Now I’m on to the game, but isn’t it nicer when vendors help us get what we want rather than trick and manipulate us into getting what we don’t?
It’s convenient to have my accounts in one place, but I think it’s time to find a new vendor anyway. In the old rules of communication, stereotypical used-car salesmen were considered a part of life. The New Dynamics call for a service orientation. Not all online vendors have gotten the memo, but manipulative tactics are becoming increasingly less acceptable. Can you feel my pain on this one? Please comment. True gold in modern society: trust and “authentority.”Craig Newmark maintains that social networks are beginning to shake up the balance of modern society, with power and influence “increasingly stemming less from wealth and rank than from reputation and perceived trustworthiness.” He calls it “trust funds.” (Note: some are concerned that this transparency can result in cyberbullying.) Read the post and the comments. We're too transparent for manipulation to work for long anymore. PowerPhrase: There's not one right answer here.We often go down rabbit holes looking for one right answer, and “trying to get it right.” Sometimes there is a definite right answer – and often there isn’t. The New Communication Dynamics call for knowing when to hone in on one possibility and when to explore many options. We’re reworking my web site. What is the best design?
We are looking for project/task management software/systems to keep us aligned. What’s the best approach for us?
Looking for the right answer as if there is one proper way to do things encrypted in stone keeps us from considering possibilities and has us thinking in terms of embracing or rejecting ideas rather than adapting and integrating them. I talk about that in the lively discussion about coaching communication alchemy. Sometimes there is a single, concrete and definite answer to a question. Other times we limit ourselves when we think there is. My current home page draft is a combination of approaches that feels like I’m having my cake and eating it too. Ultimately we probably will combine a few tools for our task management. We say,
PowerPhrase #2: I’m trying to get it realMy colleague Jean sent out an email last week entitled “Get real.” Her point was that she had delayed writing because it took time for her to get real about what she had to say. The message continued to talk about business challenges and how she is dealing with them. I responded to her with these words. Read my response and how my hubby is getting it real too. Poison Phrase: Don't be late.When you schedule with someone, avoid saying, -Don't be late, That phrase actually imprints an image of being late in the psyche. Today's success story has a better option. Reader question: How do I get through to a call center rep whose English isn't clear?Meryl, I recently ordered a laptop from a computer company. Some glitch in their system has them generating hundreds of the same email, over and over again, thereby flooding my in-box. I’ve called multiple times to try to get them to help, but I’ve had no luck. Their calls must be routed to a call center in a foreign country because I consistently find myself speaking to someone for whom English is definitely not their primary language. I can’t make them understand my issue, and they just keep assuming I am trying to confirm that my order is being processed. Meanwhile, the emails in my in-box pile up, making it hard to find legitimate new emails. I admire people who are bilingual. I wish I was. But when I can’t make myself understood by someone who is supposed to be performing customer service, I find myself wishing I could come up with a polite, respectful way to ask for someone with broader English skills. Any suggestions? Dear Flooded, While grace is always a good thing, as a customer you have the right to expect customer service reps you can understand. If you can’t understand, simply say,
If you can’t understand them, repeat until you get successful communication. Again, be gracious, but they have the responsibility to provide people who can actually communicate with customers. You don’t help anyone when you pretend it’s working when it isn’t. Reader success story: reader gracefully gets chronically late passenger to come on timeMeryl : A co-worker was wanting meet at my house to ride with me to a meeting. I assured her she was welcome and asked what time she thought we ought to leave. She said 9:00 so my power statement was,
She had the reputation of always being late but after my comment, she laughed and said I sounded just like her Aunt Mary. We commuted for 6 days and she was NEVER late! Note - as simple as this phrase sounds, what makes it brilliant is the fact that it creates a concrete image of what you want to have happen. Blog commentsI was delighted by the lively discussion in this post: Coaching alchemy proves the shortest distance isn’t always a straight line. If you're a "leaper" and need to relate to a "linear, it will be priceless to you. Some words of praise for the young advice-giver in: The competition is getting younger, but this is ridiculous. A reader shares a new way to tell someone you love them - and cuts to the core of the word-choice issue. There are 96 sanskrit words for love. How many words do you have for it? An analogy sheds an interesting light on my online check-out minefield. This comment sheds light on how we assume we need to work with authorities an experts in some kind of linear way - when we don't. PowerPhrase: Who are you doing this for? The conversation continues on generational differences brought to light by the Luann strip. Another perspective on declining Facebook requests. Grace has graced us again, this time with input regarding people who talk over you, and she responds to a reader who posts a question on: Non-adversarial come-backs to sarcasm that elevate conversations
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