 |
 |
|
|
|
Issue 382, June 10, 2010 Got a question or comment? Please comment on my blog or email here: Ask Meryl. Do not hit reply Success story in progress: responding to corporate ignominySpeaker Mike Scott notes that the difference between a reaction and a response is... (drum roll please) about three seconds. I love this. I also say the difference is the willingness to experience our reactions while making conscious choices of our actions. It's letting ourselves be human while we explore the opportunity in the offense, mistake or problem, so we can move forward. The best way out is through - to greater heights. . The three seconds Scott talks about is designed to give just enough pause to collect ourselves. Ultimately, however, there's no formula for how long it takes. If the stakes are high, we'll want to study what cards we have in our hand so we can play them carefully and in sequence. I consider myself a SpeakStrong success story in progress. A senselessly heartless corporate action (or non-action) changed the landscape of my life almost overnight. Yes, I did lose some sleep over it. I grieved and at times still grieve the betrayal of trust I extended based on a 13 year relationship. I'm also stunned by how much love and support I feel from others. As I move through the experience, many things are coming into crystal clear focus for me. I'm still feeling the loss and the impending gain, reviewing the cards in my deck, lining up my ducks, and choosing my responses. I invite you to be a part of my success story as it unfolds. Please stay tuned, as I explore empowered responses to corporate ignominy. I'll be reaching out in the next week or two. I will want, need and welcome your help and support. Reader Success Story: Trainer applies PowerPhrases when sideswiped at a seminarA reader wrote: As a professional trainer I sometimes have colleagues visit my class to observe and learn. Recently I was working with a colleague who traveled with me for a week. Quite honestly we didn't "click", and the week was turning out to be quite a challenge. Mid-week she was sitting in on a class I teach on dealing with emotions. At one point in the class I asked if someone in the class would engage me in a difficult conversation. The point being to show how to diffuse someone when you're angry. No one ever wants to do it - I always have to talk someone into it. But her hand went STRAIGHT up. So I called on her and she said, "Yeah - what's up with your hair?!" (I had my hair clipped up that day). I had 75 women in the room waiting to see how I would respond. My adrenaline rushed and my face turned bright red - we had already had so many problems. I was angry and embarrassed. Prior to learning PowerPhrases I probably would have had a small meltdown. But I paused and found a phrase. "What would make you ask me a question like that?" I said. It's funny, because I was so proud of myself for speaking strong - I thought we were through. Turns out we weren't. Then she said, "I don't know. Turn around. I think you look pretty unprofessional!" Wow! I paused again and found another phrase. Well, I do want to hear your comments, but not the pot shots." I gained a tremendous amount of confidence that day and I have Meryl's PowerPhrases to thank. The best communication book ever. Explore empowered communication with me in Boston at the IAAP convention.You don't need to be an assistant or an IAAP member to attend my PowerPhrases, Dynamic Conversations And SpeakStrong Strategies, Explore the three stages of communication maturity with me at HNA in Colorado Springs.I'll be speaking freely from my heart and my soul in Colorado Springs next Thursday. Join us for an illuminating escapade.PowerPhrase: What story do you tell yourself to make it okay to treat people that way?My colleague Wendy and I were talking about people we know who left ignominious corporate situations and suddenly got their lives (souls?) back. And in the process we spoke about those who justify behavior that they would never endorse outside of a corporate cultural trance. Wendy has a question that puts into perspective the lack of humanity in some corporate practices. She asks,
Kind of cuts through the excuses, doesn’t it? CommentPoison Phrase: It is what it is.People complain that television normalizes violence. they suggest that we see so much of it we don't have human responses to it anymore. I agree. I also find that our corporate cultures have normalized senselessly heartless corporate behavior. It's not that I think we should get self-righteous and fight to right every wrong. If we do that, we won't have time to enjoy our lives. However, it is to say that if we grow indifferent to the outrage of it, we've lose some of our own humanity. Dismissive phrases like: - It is what it is ignore the fact that it doesn't make it right, appropriate or ethical. A reader submitted the "is what it is" phrase when I opened the discussion to pet peeve poison phrases. I didn't understand the poison in it like I do now. I since found that truly good people use this to normalize ignominious corporate behavior. It is what it is, and if what it is violates my sense of rightness, I won't pretend it doesn't. CommentReader question: Phrases to address an ungrateful subordinate - leadership tipPlease read Grace's comments to this reader question from the last newsletter. I love what my readers bring to the conversation. Thank you all for your insights. You give me the luxury of not needing not have to have all the answers. Grace even credits me for giving her the insight to take my suggestion to the next level. I post about that here. Leadership tip: Give them a pole and watch them catch bigger fish than yoursBeyond victimhood, manipulation and coercive power games is a world of infinite communication possibilities.Let's meet there, shall we?
|
|
