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Issue 383, June 16, 2010 Got a question or comment? Please comment on my blog or email here: Ask Meryl. Do not hit reply Success story in progress: #2. Who defines the terms of your narrative?One of the most challenging aspects of Speaking Strong is the art of staying silent until it's time to speak. This is especially true for those of us who used to stay silent too long and now enjoy having a voice where we once didn't. There are many valid reasons to stay silent. A few are: waiting to move from reaction to response, needing to gather information first, laying a foundation for communicating so people understand, speaking to stakeholders first, and adding interest by letting things unfold in sequence. Another is to protect your vision from those who might shoot it down before it's strong enough to stand on its own legs. As I get my bearings from my corporate tsunami and figure out how to alchemize my situation, I've been speaking to a number of professionals to help me design my next step. Some light up with possibly. Others don't. One publicist introduced me to her colleague as a woman in a dire situation. I corrected her to note that I'm a woman with a challenge that contains tremendous opportunity. A couple of marketers referred to getting rid of excess inventory. I'm not trying to get rid of anything. I'm planning to leverage my inventory in a dynamic and outrageously productive way. The people on my team don't just understand my reframing, but they take it to even higher and more expansive levels than I can consider on my own. Not surprisingly, the most visionary people I've discovered are among my newsletter subscribers. If you are a marketer, social media expert or publicist, or you know one who belongs on my team, will you let me know? I could use help from songwriters and lyricists too. See what I mean about a creative opportunity? And if you're going through a transformation that is sensitive to buzz-kill, remember, it's your life and you get to define the terms of the narrative about it. I'd love to hear how you do that. I the spirit of using words that shape the future we want, I've invented new words for the new communication dynamics. You can find them here. Corporate ignominy series: #1. Defining termsI love my readers. The responses to my last newsletter were fabulous. Denise was the first to post about corporate ignominy, reporting on her visit to the dictionary. Here’s what she said. “You hint at something happening that is the very definition of ignominy – disgraceful or dishonorable conduct, quality, or action.” She went on in her post to talk about her own commitment to employee dignity. This is one example of the fabulous comments and emails from last week’s newsletter. Denise defined the terms of what I and many of us are faced with, and moved on to defining the terms she chooses to live by. Her words and the chorus of other posts left me in awe and delight. Maggie also wrote of not only the human value of respect and empowering employees, but also how it enhances results. She describes a dynamic leadership style like the one I define in my latest manuscript. The antonyms of ignominy are regard and respect. The comments to last week’s newsletter exemplified those qualities. PowerPhrase: I have amazing marketing pieces to support my goalsSome of the professionals I talk to light up with possibility in what I have. I don’t have inventory to get rid of. I have inventory to,
I also have:
Words do make a difference, don’t they? Especially if you believe they’re true. Actually, authenticity is a requirement for words to have power. Otherwise, it’s hype. CommentPoison Phrase: preemptive dismissal. That won't work.You know you’ve encountered some resistance when you get a dismissal before you complete your suggestion. My client wasn’t ready for solutions. He was too immersed in problems. He shot my ideas down before I was able to complete more than a sentence or two. It was one preemptive dismissal after another. I am still convinced that we might have come up with opportunities in his challenges. I gave up trying to get past his mind set that said,
Those weren’t his exact words, but they were close. Let’s just say he’s not the perfect client for me, nor was I the perfect provider for him. And, no, he didn’t laugh at my jokes either. (See Pick your partnerships prudently: #1 Do they laugh at your jokes?) Been there? Sometimes there isn’t a PowerPhrase in the world that can penetrate resistance. I hope it sets you free to know that. I also posted about Seth Godin’s discussion of the phrase -this better work. That’s a related challenge. CommentPick your partnerships prudently: #1 Do they laugh at your jokes?In the course of interviewing people to work with, I spoke with Nettie,who told me that if a potential client doesn’t laugh at something she says within 20 minutes, she knows it’s not a good client for her. I have playfulness as a criteria, and I like how Nellie translates playfulness into something concrete. My computer expert met my laughter imperative when I played a joke on him while he left a message on my answering machine. I still laugh when I hear it. It’s all of 15 seconds so have a chuckle. Do the people you work with appreciate your humor? There’s more to great relationships than shared humor, but it’s a great start. Pick your partnerships prudently. Know what criteria are important to you. Things I love about my hubby series: #1. Carte blanche.
Where are you hanging on with others when you could be giving carte blanche? Success story: surviving corporate ignominyA reader wrote: My life was changed overnight due to lack of support and the poor choices of senior/management staff. I felt totally betrayed by them but so supported by many other colleagues for which I am very grateful. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and while we cannot always see the reasons initially they do appear at some stage. I believe this has happened to me to allow me to see the strength and abilities that I have and to believe in myself which I have not always done. I am now 18 months on looking at promotion and believe I am worthy of it and capable of doing it well. I still have moments of grieving for what I had but then I realize that what I have now is far greater with many more interesting options for me. Thanks for your wonderful empowering words. My comment: great reminder that things that hurt can lead us to new possibilities. Also that even when we have faith in better times ahead, we still need to grieve here and there. Beyond victimhood, manipulation and coercive power games is a world of infinite communication possibilities.Let's meet there, shall we?blog commentsThe comments are magnificent this week.Success story in progress: responding to corporate ignominy Reader Success Story: Trainer applies PowerPhrases when sideswiped at a seminar PowerPhrase: What story do you to tell yourself to make it okay to treat people that way? Poison Phrase: It is what it is Reader questions how to address ungrateful young subordinate
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-That won’t work because we’re too busy fighting fires.
One of the things I love about my husband is he gives me carte blanche to post about him and our relationship. I don’t know if it comes from complete trust, being totally secure in his own identity or…could it be…detachment? I do know it gives me a wonderful sense of freedom. (The cat is pretty easy going too.)