Emotional Map
How to Speak Strong when you're unsure about how you feel

            

The Love Letter Technique
According to Relationship Expert John Gray, emotions exist in layers, from
more guarded to more vulnerable. Emotions go from:
1. Anger
2. Sorrow
3. Fear
4. Regret
5. Love

If you’re ever unsure about what you feel, use this like a map to take you
through all possible levels. Gray calls it a love letter technique. That name implies
that you only use it in love relationships — but it’s useful any time you’re
not sure what you feel. The process has helped me through many emotional
challenges.

Here are some sentence stems to help you work your way through your emotions.

1. Anger and Blame
• I don’t like it when…
• How dare you…
• I resent…
• I hate it when…
• I’ve had enough of…
• I can’t stand…

2. Hurt and Sadness
• I feel sad that…
• I feel hurt because…
• It breaks my heart that…
• I want to cry because…
• I’m disappointed that…
• I want…

3. Fear and Insecurity
• I feel afraid…
• I’m afraid that…
• I feel scared because…
• I want…
• What if…
• I’m terrified of…

4. Guilt and Responsibility
• I’m sorry that…
• I wish I hadn’t…
• I’m sorry for…
• Please forgive me for…
• I didn’t mean to…
• I’m ashamed about…

5. Love, Forgiveness, Understanding, and Desire
• I love you because…
• I love when…
• Thank you for…
• I understand that…
• I forgive you for…
• I’m grateful that…

Adapted from What You Feel You Can Heal by John Gray.

Start with anger and blame unless another emotion presents itself. Keep working
with the sentence stems for anger and blame until you feel some release or
you naturally gravitate toward another emotion. Keep moving from sentence
stem to sentence stem as you are drawn. You can use emotions from the list of
feeling words at: www.speakstrong.com/articles/speak-strong/emotions.html

This exercise acts like a powerful emotional map to help you explore and uncover
deep emotions. Have a great journey. Your newly established emotional
connection will help you SpeakStrong.


Bookmark and Share

Reprint/Reuse Policy:
You may use any of these articles in your newsletter, publications, or on your web site. Please:

1. Let us know when and how you are using the article via email:
2. If it is a web posting, please link back to this article by copying the article URL address. Also include a link to the SpeakStrong website, www.speakstrong.com.
3. Place Meryl’s tag line at the end of the article with all her contact information. Thanks!

Tag Line:
Meryl Runion and Speak Strong (SpeakStrong) provides Power Phrases (PowerPhrases) and other tools to help you improve communication skills at work and at home. You can read more about her at www.speakstrong.com.

Meryl is the author of six books on communication that have sold over a quarter million copies worldwide, including Speak Strong, PowerPhrases!, How to Use PowerPhrases, Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors, and How to Say It: Performance Reviews. You can reach her at 719-684-2633, or by email:

You can also follow Meryl on Twitter: http://twitter.com/merylrunion.