Sex and the City provides the role model
of sisterly love...sort of
A SpeakStrong Definition of Friendship

            

Defining friendship
I jumped on the Sex and the City bandwagon when it went to reruns. Like men who “read Playboy for the articles,” I watched Sex and the City for the sisterhood. While I have few values in common with Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte, I too cherish the love and support of my women friends. I love knowing women who I can share my secrets with, seek advice from, and who see it as part of their “job description” to help me heal my pain when I fall.

So I didn’t put up a fight when my husband suggested we see the Sex and the City movie opening weekend. (No kidding…he really did!)

Meryl apart from the Sex and the City women imageI loved the movie, but I suspect that if I were the fifth member of the Sex and the City clique, I would prove that it is possible to be kicked out of their circle of friendship. The group would vote me off their island because I have a different definition of what it means to be a friend than what they appear to have.

Too little truth too late? (Minor spoiler alert)
Without spoiling too much of the plot (I hope), I’ll tell you that Carrie and Miranda experienced betrayals from the men they loved. Both women reacted sharply and closed down completely. Their friends responded by providing comfort and support in the months that followed. Their friends did everything a friend should do…except…tell the truth.

Fortunately, both characters woke up to their blind spots before the windows of opportunity closed. Carrie figured out her own role in her crisis. Miranda woke up when Carrie declared her true feelings about Miranda’s actions in a screaming fit of rage. The rage was fueled by Miranda’s confession to a secret she had kept from Carrie for months.

Why is it we think we can only tell the truth when we’re angry?

Friends don’t let friends screw up their lives
Excuse me, but when I have spinach on my teeth, I want my friends to tell me. And when I’m making what could be the biggest mistake of my life, I want my friends to tell me. If telling the truth to my friends means I lose friends, I’ll take that risk. Because friends don’t let friends screw up their lives without letting them know that’s what they may be doing. Friends risk losing friendships to tell the truth.

No, I’m not talking about micromanaging. When my (now deceased) friend Cindi ignored my concerns about her cancer symptoms, I supported her while she made choices about treatment that clearly proved to be bad choices when she died from the cancer eighteen months later. I couldn’t and didn’t try to force my opinions on her, but I also didn’t pretend I agreed with what I perceived to be dangerous denial.

That’s what friends do
So, go see Sex and the City and enjoy. But create your own definition of friendship. I hope that your inner circle of friendship includes telling the truth. Because that’s what friends do.


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Meryl Runion and Speak Strong (SpeakStrong) provides Power Phrases (PowerPhrases) and other tools to help you improve communication skills at work and at home. You can read more about her at www.speakstrong.com.

Meryl is the author of six books on communication that have sold over a quarter million copies worldwide, including Speak Strong, PowerPhrases!, How to Use PowerPhrases, Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors, and How to Say It: Performance Reviews. You can reach her at 719-684-2633, or by email:

You can also follow Meryl on Twitter: http://twitter.com/merylrunion.