How to Tell Someone They Smell Bad at Work
Power Phrases to Address Poor Hygiene
Failure to bathe. We’ve all encountered it. What’s up with them? Are they clueless? Is it passive aggressive behavior in the workplace? Might they have a problem they can’t control? We’re not shrinks and we don’t know. We do know that while there is no great way to tell someone they smell bad, some ways are better than others.
When considering how to tell someone they smell, let’s start with how you don’t tell them.
• Don’t address the issue in front of others or even where others can see.
• Don’t assume you know what the underlying issue is. You don’t.
• Don’t make it about you. This is not a personal issue.
• Don’t be confrontational, judgmental or critical.
• Don’t hint. While it’s important you avoid attacking them, you also want them to get your point without guesswork.
• Don’t refer to culture or race or anything that could get you in legal hot water.
• Don’t let their hygiene issue become fodder for office gossip.
• If they react with passive aggressive behavior, don’t use passive aggressive behavior back at them.
In other words, walking up to them in a meeting and saying,
• You stink, or,
• I just found this great new deodorant, or,
• I can’t stand the way you smell, or
• I know you people don’t bathe as much as we do
…are not acceptable.
So what do you do? Here’s what you do when you need to tell someone they smell bad at work.
• Tell the offender, not anyone else.
• Find an environment for casual privacy.
• Be informative. Take the stance that you are providing them with information they need to know.
• Be empathic. Speak like a sympathizer, not a judge.
• Use neutral, impersonal language that refers to professionalism and the impact on the office.
• Be low key. Even if you’re not comfortable, fake it. The more agitated you sound, the more reactive they will be.
• Arrange for follow-up and future feedback. Most behavior changes require time.
• Provide future feedback, both positive and negative.
What do you say? Here are your PowerPhrases to tell someone they smell bad at work.
• (Name,) I need a few minutes of your time. Can we meet in the conference room?
• (Name,) I have noticed the smell of (the offensive odor), and I’m concerned that it is having an impact on your ability to interact with your co-workers and our customers.
If you’re the manager, add:
• It’s essential this be addressed because it affects performance.
Listen empathically to their response.
A few more Power Phrases you can use are:
• I’m telling you because it’s important for you to know.
• I know if it was me, I’d want to know.
If they become reactive, use empathic Power Phrases. Chances are the employee is embarrassed and is reacting with passive aggressive behavior in defense. What they do with the information is more important than what they say in the moment.
Whether your employee or coworker’s hygiene issue is medical, cultural, due to lack of awareness, or a clear example of passive aggressive behavior in the workplace, Speak Strong. Power Phrases can help you manage the issue.
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Meryl Runion and Speak Strong (SpeakStrong) provides Power Phrases (PowerPhrases) and other tools to help you improve communication skills at work and at home.
She is the author of the books PowerPhrases!, How to Use PowerPhrases, Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors, and How to Say It: Performance Reviews. She can be reached at 719-684-2633 or by email:
