I'm not easy to work with. Well, those who like to collaborate enjoy working with me a lot. But working for me isn't for everyone.

I don't hire people, I partner with them. Basically, I use their expertise to help me make the decisions I would make if I had their knowledge and skills. So I didn't want a caterer/planner to give me bland choices, like one of three menus or what my colors would be. I wanted a caterer to stimulate my imagination to pick a theme, a menu and everything else that was involved in planning a major event—like a wedding.

The first caterer I met with had some great ideas. But she clearly had her own agenda—her own ideas, wedding imperatives. The way she dismissed my desire for finger food and insisted on a sit-down dinner was a warning sign. When, five weeks later and two weeks before the wedding, she sent me yet another menu that didn't reflect our conversations, it became clear it wasn't a match.

Enter Whole Foods. Sure, they could do chicken kabobs, but curried chicken satays would be easier to eat. Sounded good to me–and it was! Brad took my ideas and raised them up one. Where with my first caterer, I had a hard time visualizing what she was talking about, Brad's enthusiastic descriptions of possible dishes painted clear pictures that were aligned with my vision. And then, we came for a tasting. That closed the deal. 

We heard it a lot—the wedding was delightful and was as unique as we are. And the food was part of the delight. That's because I found partners who were willing to understand what I wanted and advise me based on that understanding. They were willing for it to me my wedding, aided by their expertise. 

And that's what good consultants do. They help people unfold their own genius. I was starting to wonder if there was a caterer who could do that. I went through a few, and found there was.

I'm not easy to work with if it isn't a match. None of us are. And even two weeks before the big event, it can still be a lot quicker and more effective to gracefully settle with those who aren't a match and find someone who is. Thanks to Brad and Sharon and Sherry and all those wonderful people who showed up in surprising, supportive and unassuming ways to help us have a magical mystery wedding. (In fact, a few people found both the preparing and the event so powerful they felt as if we all got married.)

Sometimes we can miss change that happens right before our eyes. That might be what's going on in our country now, as cooperatively owned businesses are finding footholds in the US and creating a new model of how businesses can run effectively. Gar Alpervotiz wrote an inspiring article about the growth of cooperative workplaces that may be paving the way toward dynamic democratization of business in America. You can read his article, Worker-Owners of America, Unite, in the New York Times online. 

He emphasizes that it might be easy to over-estimate the possibilities of a new system. However, when you see the trend toward collaborative alliances popping up in many different forms and many different places, it does seem to signal that something new and good is happening. Just as the importance of lean manufacturing is far greater than the improved bottom line from the companies that practice lean, the importance of cooperative workplaces is greater than the incidences. They show that the alternative to the kind of capitalism that has developed isn't just a socialistic model. We're seeing living examples of how business systems that collaborate without compromise are truly viable alternatives.

Change happens when: the pain gets bad enough, the vision of possibilities is inspiring enough, and the steps are clear. We're feeling the pain in the US, and both lean companies, and worker-owned companies, are showing us visions of new models. Their experience can help us see the steps to the change, with added benefit from forward thinkers like Rod Collins, author of Leadership in a Wiki World, Mike Rother, author of Toyota Kata, and Tom Wujik, champion of The Marshmallow Challlenge, who teach the iterative approach to change, learning with each step. As Alpervotiz notes, the pain of our broken system just might be bad enough that we're ready for the options. 

Lauren and I collaborate on writing projects. We share ideas at various stages of refinement. We respect each other's thinking enough that we're not embarrassed to share raw ideas. Our bad ideas form a foundation for some really good ones. 

In personal relationships, people talk about having good chemistry. In business relationships, I will sometimes say,

• We have good alchemy.

Our collaborations don't involve compromise. They create something new that neither one of us could have created on our own. That's alchemy, synergy, and collaboration at its best. 

Do you collaborate without compromise? Do you transcend the limits of your egocentric perception and existing knowledge, pool your ideas with other thinkers and strive together toward a shared objective or outcome?

Some things should never be compromised. Compromise is a waste when a much better collaborative outcome is available - IF you're willing to stay open long enough to discover it. Speaking Strong is collaborating without compromise. Here's a phrase that captures the spirit.

• Is that the best solution we can come up with? I don't want either one of us to compromise - I want us to find an option that is better than what either one of us could come up with on our own.