I enjoy the show "Mad Men" for many reasons, one of which is the surprises. When the emotionally silent power broker Don Draper married his secretary Megan, I assumed it wouldn't be long before he shut her down and she became disillusioned, codependent, sarcastic and resentful. But instead of hiding behind a veneer of polite non-communication, when they bump up against each other, they let things fly, act out and dramatize. It's not polite, it's passionate.

But the really interesting thing is they eventually get to the heart of the matter and come out more intimate and loving than before. 

I once thought I was light years ahead of neighbors who had very vocal disagreements. Our house was quiet and polite—theirs got loud at times. Yet neither household seemed to resolve issues. Our silence didn't solve issues, and their drama didn't either. I'm not advocating drama. Loud doesn't get voices heard. There is something dysfunctional about a husband who drives off in anger—leaving his wife stranded (briefly) miles from home.

But what would you expect from people who have never had the experience of navigating emotionally charged topics as a team? It's a skill like any other, and needs to be practiced. When you practice a new skill, you make mistakes and things get messy. Your soft underbelly gets exposed—and if that scares you, you can find yourself striking out and hurting the people closest to you. Who likes that?

But if you really care, as Don and Megan do in the show, and if you get to the other side often enough, eventually the cycles get quicker, and resolution comes sooner.

So the kind of dramatics "Mad Men" fans are privy to this season both look and in many ways are dysfunctional—and yet they are a natural part of learning how to be authentic, intimate and loving. "Mad Men" shows how messy the process of communication improvement can be. If you don't understand how normal the mess can be on the road to greater intimacy and self-expression, you might shut things down just when they're really working. They're changing old habits. Until you have new habits to replace them with, you probably will feel like you dropped into chaos. Keep striving. Keep being willing to do it wrong until you get it "right." You'll find your footing at a higher level. It's worth it. 

I can tell when I've outgrown a conversational dynamic when I start to distract myself. If I'm on the phone at my computer when it happens, I'll unconsciously start browsing the net or cleaning out my inbox. When I notice that, I refocus on the conversation. I take a step back and ask myself—why is what this person saying putting me to sleep?

It happened this week when a relative started parenting me in old ways we've both outgrown. When he started nudging me to be innovative and creative, the switch flipped, and I found myself searching shawls from India on eBay. Here's what I ask myself.

• Okay, me, there's the clue. What's going on right here and now, self, that is old and tired? And how can we elevate this conversation to one that interests us again?

This man has always taught me to strive to new, higher levels in my work. I've got that, and I do, and I don't need him to do it any more. I also don't need him to evaluate whether I'm doing it right or not.

But what I do need, is to let him know that I have internalized that quality of his. I live it. So while I've outgrown the dynamic that my eBay search alerted me to, I haven't outgrown the desire to share how grateful I am for the lessons I embody thanks to him.

And to think, all this came from an eBay search for shawls from India. It's a magical world when your eyes are open. 

What clues are right in front of your eyes that you're overlooking?

What do you think when a Political Science Department of a major university can't govern themselves? This one in particular went into receivership because they couldn't resolve their issues. Kind of scary, isn't it?

How about a leadership training center or a management seminar company with lousy leadership and management?

One thing is clear - not all teaching organizations are learning organizations. My training buddies and I have direct experience of this phenomenon. We've subcontracted to teaching organizations that have a lot to learn. Ironically, the principles and practices they lacked were the same ones their trainers were sharing with clients every day.

Leadership author Peter Senge notes that "to create a competitive advantage, companies need to learn faster than their competitors." Most of the teaching organizations that my training buddies and I have associated with teach that principle - but many have closed the feedback loops that would put that principle in practice. One friend was told

- "don't call any of the managers on their stuff if you want to work here."

The Broncos got interesting again, thanks to quarterback Tim Tebow. He's starting a lot of conversations, and the conversation that interests me most is about how he models humble leadership. It's a breath of fresh air in a world of narcissistic celebrities to hear the voice of one who doesn't let success go to his head. It's quotes like these that are the real game changers. 

• I know I had a lot of help. Offensive line did a great job and receivers stepped up and made me look a lot better than I really am.

The more Tebow talks, the more inspiring he is. He seems to continually say the "right" things in ways that can only happen when they're sincere.

Is this guy for real? It sure seems like it. And that pleases and encourages me. We get to see what humility looks like in someone whose star is rising. 

My husband and I rewatched Don Juan De Marco with Johnny Depp (be still, my heart) this weekend. There is a fabulous scene where, inspired by his romantic patient, Dr. Mickler (Marlon Brando) dashes home and invites his wife upstairs. You see the requisite clothing scattered everywhere and then you see the couple in bed - shooting popcorn in the air with a pea shooter and catching it in their mouths. The pure surprise of the scene is it's delight.

The key, of course is the spirit of play and adventure, not the actual popcorn challenge. If you were to turn to your spouse and say, "let's go upstairs and shoot popcorn in the air and catch it in our mouths", you might be pleased with the result, but chances are the whole thing would seem contrived.

That's why I turned to my husband and said, 

• Let's go to bed early and see what happens.

I meant it exactly the way I said it. He knew that. No expectation. No anticipation of any result. Ready for surprises. We were both quite pleased with our "experimental outcome". 

Lean manufacturing began in the US by copying tools and processes with mixed results. That's very much like watching Brando and Dunaway play popcorn and trying it yourself. Now, the community is evolving in the direction of a more dynamic understanding of how those tools and processes come into play. They are growing into what Don Juan De Marco knew and Mr. and Mrs. Mickler discovered in the movie Don Juan De Marco: Iterative learning lead by a dynamic essence, not a static form. Mike Rother's Toyota Kata actually creates a system to guide the iterative process. My years as a highly-trained meditation teacher taught me a similar skill - to guide people to let go of directing a process into aligning with it and letting it teach them. 

I couldn't find a picture of Brando and Dunnaway in their popcorn play, so I settled for the one above. If you have a picture of the popcorn adventure, pass it on, will you? 

My friend and muse Lee Beaumont sent me a link to the Mainfesto for Agile Software Development. It's very much worth reading and pondering, because it reflects the kind of thinking and operating that is the direction of our times. First of all, it emphasizes learning better ways (of developing software) by doing and helping others do it. Secondly, it identifies their values. The values on the left of the list are the values that help make thinking, speaking and operating highly dynamic. 

The only thing I would change is, they say they value the (more dynamic) qualities on the left of the list more than the (more static) qualities on the right of the list. I suggest the qualities on the right of the list provide a foundation for the qualities on the right.

Aparently this has been around a long time. I can't tell you how excited I am about finding this kind of iterative thinking, learning and operating so clearly presented. I find this dynamic emerging everywhere. It's in quality industry and the continuous improvement community. It's highly prevalent among advanced technology professionals. Mike Rother defines an iterative improvement kata in his book Toyota Kata. In my research for my virtual teams book, I find this style is a defining quality of highly successful teams. Wendy Mack and I describe how to develop this kind of approach in emerging leaders in our book, Perfect Phrases for Leadership Development.

So thanks, Lee, for sending me this link that has me swinging from the rafters. Finding this new world in yet one more location brings the same kind of joy as learning that good people are being let out of prison. That's kind of what's happening, actually. 

Angela is my assistant and she often proofreads my work. Since I've been working on manuscripts that get edited for me, I haven't been keeping her very busy, so I passed her info on to Paul Akers who just wrote a book called 2 Second Lean.

Paul was so delighted with the Angela experience that he proclaimed her to be the winner of his Business of the Week Award on his next radio show. He promised to send her referrals. With permission, I posted his message to her here. 

When you listen, something very interesting jumps out. He's raving about her, and how pleasant, supportive and engaged she was in the process. He notes her comments about the message of the book. He doesn't mention her meticulous attention to details. That's not what impressed him most.

I've had my work proofed by people who seemed to miss what I thought was a compelling message and only noted typos. That IS what I hire them for, yet it feels a bit odd to have one's heart and soul reduced to a missed comma. That said, if Angela hadn't done a good job, Paul might not have cared how much she enjoyed the book or what she got out of it. So listen to Paul's message and let it inspire you to create your own version of "The Angela Experience" - quality AND engagement. 

My father grew up on a farm in Iceland during the depression. Last night he told me that when he was a child, farmers imported sheep from Scotland, thinking they were better than Icelandic sheep. The imported sheep brought disease that Icelandic sheep had no immunity to. They ended up having to slaughter all their sheep - devastating to a country whose industries are sheep and fishing - and wait two years before bringing sheep in from a part of Iceland that had been isolated from the infection.

Later, they discovered the unique qualities of Icelandic wool.

To me, the moral of this story is how important it is for all of us to discover our unique qualities, and how devastating it can be when we don't know what we have.

If my friend Paul Akers had been in Iceland back then, I bet Icelanders and the world would have discovered how very special Icelandic wool is sooner, and this fiasco would not have happened. Paul often tells me what he sees as my unique brilliance. I'm not that special - he does that with others, too. Except that what he says to me is unique to me - and what he says to others is unique to them. So I applaud Paul's special gift of being able to spark the individual greatness of every person he knows. 

He's a natural at it. Others need help figuring out what to say. That's why Perfect Phrases for Leadership Development is a very useful tool for those who need help discovering their "inner Paul" - their own unique ability to inspire others to own and develop their unique greatness. 

Have you watched My Cat from Hell on Animal Planet yet? It's fun and fascinating. It's one of those reality shows when someone with some skills visits a home and solves all their problems forever.

It's pretty simple stuff, really. Host Jackson Galaxy shows people how to see the world from a cat's perspectives and appeal to their feline natures. He talks about being patient and letting the cat come to you in it's own timing. In this clip on how to handle a scared cat, Jackson illustrates what you probably look like to a scared cat when you try to coax it out.

It's respect, really. And that's what pull thinking in lean manufacturing and management is about, what customer focus in business is about - it's what excellent communication is about. It seems so simple when it's about a cat.