July 15, 2008This Week in the World ~ “Relationship by agreement”
A heart-warming letter
I received a three page handwritten letter today from “Julie,” a reader. I wanted to frame it. She told me about how my books and newsletter have empowered her, and how she regards me as a mentor. She told a friend that I was her mentor but didn’t know it. Julie’s friend suggested she tell me. She did, in a letter that was beautiful and deeply moving.
I think of the mentors I’ve had in my life, including the one I’m studying with now, and I am humbly inspired to think that I might have even a fraction of the positive influence on someone that these people had on me.
Julie’s letter makes me want to become available to interact more personally with my readers. I’m making plans to do that.
Many thanks to Julie for such a beautiful letter, and to her friend for insisting she write it. Her friend gets a SpeakStrong award.
Relationship by agreement
Speaking of mentors, the 3 Conversations teleseminar with my mentor Jeffrey Armstrong last week was fascinating. You’ll find the audio link and my review here.
One of the many recommendations Jeffrey detailed was his concept of “relationship by agreement.” That means you craft your relationships rather than leave them to habit and chance.
Jeffrey suggests you craft business relationships the same deliberate way. For example, I have my own style of working. While I like results, my work is also my play. When I get involved with business partners, I like competent, consistent people who will play with me as we get the job done. If I had to choose, I would rather get a little less done while having fun than get a lot done through drudgery.
Right now I’m sponsoring The UltiMate™ Relationship Seminar with a wonderfully savvy, playful woman. Our work together is a complete delight and continual play date.
Learn more about “relationship by agreement” and about last week’s teleseminar here.
My apologies to those who tried to register last week before we got the shipping glitch sorted out. It’s working fine now.
Yoga and relationships
This week we have another free teleseminar with Jeffrey Armstrong. This one focuses on The Yoga of Relationships. Register now.
July 15, 2008Power Phrase ~ I understand how you can see it that way
When you have great communication with someone who thinks differently from you, it can be fascinating to find out how differently you interpret the same things. When you discover someone took your words in a way you never intended, before you clarify, acknowledge:
- I understand how you could see it that way.
If you don’t understand, seek to understand before you clarify. That gives motivation for more dialogue.
July 15, 2008Poison Phrase of the Week ~ We have no choice
Carl had a great suggestion, but the manager shot it down by saying
- We have no choice.
Carl knew there were lots of choices, but since the manager completely negated his attempt to point out options, and the room full of employees who knew there were lots of choices remained silent, Carl gave up his time-saving suggestion. Chances are Carl will be less likely to share his ideas in the future.
July 10, 2008Reader Discussion Question ~ Looking for encouraging words
A reader asks:
I need some encouraging words to say to high school graduates who will be attending college.
Suggestions?
Thanks.
July 10, 2008Ask Meryl ~ God Bless
A reader wrote: When I learned a coworker’s spouse was terminally ill, I said, “God bless the family.” My supervisor later told me not to practice my religion in the workplace.
What should I have said?
Meryl Responds: I think the phrase “God bless” is used as a generally expression of sympathy and well wishes and isn’t considered to be religious. That said, I suppose an atheist would feel excluded in a world where theism is so the norm. Perhaps you could say,
- I see the phrase “God bless” as being an general expression of good will, not an expression of any particular faith. I’m curious why it’s an issue for you.
I personally would be very curious as to what his concerns are.
Readers?
July 10, 2008Power Phrase ~ Under repair
This is from Linda Larsen’s newsletter - and I decided to share it before I realized she told her readers to subscribe to my newsletter.
She wrote of a sign that said the treadmill was:
- Under repair
Instead of out of order.
What a great example of talking about what you want instead of what you don’t want.
July 10, 2008Reader Sucess Story ~ Daring to ask
My intuition was telling me my job was at risk, so I asked if the budget was completed, if I was included in the new budget, and if I was going to be downsized. The evasion was my answer. I plan to approach my manager’s manager next, so I have time to prepare for whatever comes my way.
July 8, 2008This Week in the World ~ Free intimate relationship communication teleseminar
Register now for: The Three Conversations You Need to Have
With Your Intimate (or Prospective Intimate) Partner:
A guide to enhanced communication for deeper intimacy.
Please join us. And check out my new site, SpeakStronginLove.com
Jeffrey will be presenting The UltiMate(tm) Relationship Seminar in Colorado Springs August 16th and 17th.
Jeffrey is the mystical poet I refer to in Secret Power of Tears.
This is termendously useful information. Hope to talk to you there!
July 8, 2008Poison Phrase ~ Loretta resigned
It was obvious to everyone Loretta had her dream job. So when her company laid her off to save money, and told everyone,
- Loretta resigned
No one bought the story. The company lied because they didn’t want everyone else to worry about their jobs. The effort was counter-productive, because everyone knew Loretta would not have resigned. Now they also knew they worked for a company that lied.
July 8, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Coworker from hell?
Meryl,
My division director asked us all to anonymously answer the following questions:
1. Describe the best team player you ever worked with.
2. Describe the co-worker from hell.
I appreciate #1 because I can state something positive. It’s #2 that I have a problem with. I choose not to answer because there is belittling & backbiting in our unit. I believe that #2 will add to the situation & allow staff to imagine another employee & make fun of them in print even though there will not be a name mentioned.
I would like to turn my paper in with such a response that makes management consider what they are encouraging.
Meryl Responds,
I applaud you for questioning the process. I agree it’s a destructive, black and white question. If it was asking about a behavior, I’d be okay with it, but it invites you to stereotype and classify the employee as if they have no redeeming qualities.
If you’re willing to be playful and don’t think it would offend anyone, you could say,
- Instead of an employee, I’d like to nominate a question from hell – which is one that requires me to classify my colleague as being from hell. I’m teasing, of course, and I do understand and respect the intent of the exercise. It is valuable to identify challenging behaviors. However, I am uncomfortable with responding to the question as posed.
If that sounds too testy, tone it down a tad. Say,
- I am uncomfortable with responding to the question as posed. I face challenges with a number of co-worker behaviors, but I can’t say I have any co-workers from hell.
