July 31, 2010Finding the smarter ground: @josephgrenny political discussions don’t have to be hostile.
One of the most crucial conversations we can have is about politics. A Crucial Conversations reader asked about how to handle those conversations when the other person is hostile and aggressive.
Joseph Grenny gave a great response, in which he told a tale of an exchange he had. It was between himself and a London cab driver who was vocal about being Anti-American.
“Hey, my friend. May I ask you a question?”
He looked into the rear view mirror and paused. “Sure. This is your taxi at the moment.”
“You know, I am from the U.S. and don’t get as much contact as I’d like with people who have a whole different experience than I do. I am very interested in hearing your views. And I may agree with some of them but disagree with others. Are you interested in mine, too, or should I just hear you out?”
“Oh, no,” he practically crooned. “I want a debate!”
“Okay, then how about this. You take the first five minutes and then I get the next five. At the end, I don’t care if we both agree on everything or not, but I’m guessing we might both be a little smarter. How is that?”
He laughed heartily, turned to face me full on and said, “You are a strange man. But that is a deal.”
The post is full of great advice about how to turn a rant into a dialogue. There is one point I challenge, however. The questioner observes that there is no middle ground and Grenny titles the post “finding the middle ground.” It not a middle ground we’re looking for, it’s clearer ground. I love the way Grenny says if they both talk and listen, they’ll both come out smarter.
Maybe he should have titled it “Finding the Smarter Ground”
July 31, 2010What do employees want in employers? Hands down:Clarity. @danmulhern
Dan Mulhern conducted a survey to find out what employees want from employers. It all came down to:
- The message could not be clearer for all of us. Clarify the goals, the ends, the aims – what it is we’re trying to accomplish, and frequently and clearly let people know how they are doing against those objectives.
He also noted: What we most want is what’s most often missing: CLARITY! Top on the list of negative boss behaviors it were: vagueness, mixed messages, favoritism, lack of feedback and flip-flopping.
So how clear are you with your employees?
I will add to this, that if you have a manager or supervisor who is not being clear, it’s up to you to clarify. Ask clarifying questions, paint a picture of what you plan to do based on their directives, and summarize what they tell you.
Here’s a great article for clear delegation. How to Delegate Work: How to delegate more effectively for great results. You can get more tips in my PowerPhrases! book about being clear and clarifying when someone isn’t.
July 31, 2010PowerPhrase: I know my obsessiveness can be tedious at times.
Joe can be obsessive. Debbie can be too casual. Often they balance each other out, but sometimes they collide.
That’s what happened when the internet went down. Debbie shifted her focus to activities the didn’t require internet. Joe checked the connections and called the company. He then went on a rant about unreliability.
Debbie listened for a while, and then made a few comments to get him to drop it that sounded dismissive to Joe. Joe was defensive at first, and then said,
- That’s okay. I know my obsessiveness can be tedious at times.
He was right, but his willingness to be vulnerable was far more endearing than his obsessiveness ever was.
July 30, 2010Response to those who are afraid for their employees to blog – Jason Falls
I recently heard a trainer at a conference suggest that employers should prohibit employees from using social media. While I strongly recommend having a clear social media policy, (and even offer phrases to implement it in the new edition of my manager phrase book,) I agree with Jasen Falls who says,
- If you are afraid of what your employees will say about you online, then your problem is not your employees, it’s you. Hire smarter.
Too often we try to control the communication instead of listening and figuring out how to improve our relationships.
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Related posts which may interest you
- Got a radio gig from twitter. http://acloserlookradio.com/ So that’s what my social media coach @phylliskhare was talking about.
- @dmscott “By not teaching modern methods to marketing, communications, and journalism students, professors are guilty of malpractice”
- Finding the smarter ground: @josephgrenny political discussions don’t have to be hostile.
- SpeakStrong Insights from CBS’ “The Undercover Boss”
- Social media savvy and New Dymamics
July 30, 2010Doc’s office PowerPhrase: when informing becomes scolding.
Ann discussed the tests she needed before she scheduled her appointment, and felt blindsided after the tests when a technician aggressively challenged her decision not to have certain tests. She told the technician,
- I chose this clinic because I had a good experience here before. While I appreciate your need to inform me, this goes beyond informing into to scolding.
Ann wasn’t convinced the technician heard what she said, but by speaking on her own behalf, she avoided drinking the poison of the technician’s demeaning and hostile remarks.
July 30, 2010New Biz and Communication Dynamics highlighted in USA Today Mad Men review
It’s an entrepreneurial world out there. Whether you work for someone else or have your own business, it pays to think like an entrepreneur. A USA Today Mad Men review highlights what it means to think and act like an entrepreneur. The keys are,
- Be gutsy
- Act fast
- Stay flexible
I sum it up with the word, DYNAMIZE.
I have a section about conversations an Entrepreneurial Employee needs to have in the audio that comes with my SpeakStrong book.
July 29, 2010Admins – make your work visible. PowerPhrase, “It was an involved process that required me to….”
Recently Nathan, who does web and support work for me, and I spent a day working side by side on various projects. We usually work very independently of each other, but spending a day together was invaluable. It aligned our thinking.
It also helped me appreciate how challenging some seemingly simple activities are. It’s so easy to pass on projects without an understanding of what implementation involves. That’s why I appreciated our time together, and also when Nathan gave me a report on a completed project that included a description of,
- Here’s what it took to accomplish that.
If he hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have known.
Some admins make their work look too easy. You don’t want to come across as complaining, but do make what you’ve done visible 1) so you can get the respect you deserve for it, and 2) so your workload can be realistically balanced.
July 28, 2010Graphjam illustrates how we set people close to us up to lie. Hilarious chart.
How often do you ask a question and not really want an honest answer? Ironically, we often set our closest associates up to lie to us. This chart explains.
July 27, 2010Human support and interaction: productivity balms
I think I might as well make it official. Assistants are my favorite audience of all. I love nurses, managers are great, non-profits and government groups have a lot going for them and my army attendees light my fire and touch my heart. But assistants are all about support, and it’s a pleasure and an honor to have them shine that support on me.
I’m an introvert. I’ve told you that. An introvert who has given over a thousand presentations. I still get nervous. I was nervous before I presented for IAAP conference last week. I was nervous until we had a speaker’s luncheon and then I went to the bookstore to schmooze. By the time I presented, I was already in love with my audience and there was no room for nervousness. The presentation was a delightful sweet sharing.
Relating isn’t a waste of time. It’s a productivity balm. I didn’t just have more fun because I had been given the opportunity (thanks Susan) and took the time to relate. I gave a better presentation for it. Human interaction and support is a productivity balm.
Think you don’t have time for it? I differ.
July 27, 2010Facebook Firings show there’s more to Speaking Strong than letting it all hang out.
Probably a case of good riddance – but still – there’s a difference between being open and honest and being publicly belligerent and stupid.
