May 6, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Was that done?
Hi Meryl
Hope all is well. I have a communication question that has been nagging at me for some time. I know you can solve it. The question – What do you say to someone who continues to ask you repeatedly, “Was that done?” or “Did you send that out?”
I find this extremely frustrating because it is overdone to the most simplest task, I don’t think it is necessary when, especially when my duties are the same on a daily basis. Help me, please.
Meryl Responds
I can think of a number of ways to respond. One is: make a visible chart (online if you don’t share office space) where you mark those things off. Another is to ask:
- I notice you consistently check up on what I’ve done, and it makes me wonder if I’ve done anything to cause you to not trust me. Have I?
Or you could just let it pass.
Let me know how it goes.
May 1, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Late reports
Meryl,
As a principal, it is very difficult to get staff to turn things in on time without having to remind them several times. How do you express to someone that they need to work on their organizational skills without coming off impolite?
Meryl responds:
Openly recognize those who do get things in on time. Say,
- Thanks to (names) for getting the reports in early. This is helpful to us because…
In the first round or two of acknowledgments, don’t even mention those who haven’t completed them yet.
If this doesn’t inspire the rest, say,
- The report was due on Tuesday and I haven’t received it yet. The reason why this is a problem is… What can I do to help you get it in on time?
If that doesn’t do it, you might have to impose consequences. For example:
- When you get reports in late, this creates more work in our office. Therefore we will ask those who get their reports in late to stay late to help us process them.
I don’t know if that’s an option, but if it’s not, it could inspire an idea that is.
Might that work?
May 1, 2008Poison Phrase ~ It’s not my money
Bob spoke up at the register when he was overcharged for his coffee. The cashier realized the register wasn’t working properly, so she rang it up manually - for $1 less than he owed. He pointed out the new error, and she said,
- I’m just trying to help you out. It’s not my money.
Nothing he could say helped her understand that he just wanted to pay what he owed. He was astounded that she saw no reason not to cheat the company she worked for.
May 1, 2008PowerPhrase ~ What this means for you is…
Robbie’s description of his services was clear and well stated, but it wasn’t written in terms of the benefits to his customers. His coach helped him focus by giving him the phrase,
- What this means for you is…
The service was a medical diagnostic tool, and the description talked about how it found health issues that other tools missed.
The new description included the phrase,
- No, it’s NOT in your head.
The description addresses the plight of those who have been told by doctors who couldn’t find the cause of their symptoms that the issue was psychological. The new phrase told them what they needed to hear after hearing they were making their illnesses up.
May 1, 2008PowerPhrase ~ I’ll let that one go because I can tell how angry you are
On my planet, people don’t hit people they care about (or even people they don’t care about) below the belt. On my planet, they don’t speak to hurt, they speak to clarify and resolve.
And on my planet, when someone hits you below the belt, you set a boundary. Unless there is more to be gained by letting it pass.
That’s what Lynette did when Tom made an unfair attack on her during an argument. She let it go deliberately and strategically. She said,
- I’ll let that one go because I can tell how angry you are. What we need to focus on is…
It kept the conversation on track without making her a victim.
May 1, 2008PowerPhrase ~ It’s not by accident
Gena and Matt have a fabulous marriage. Gena’s brother ignored her suggestions for communicating with his long-term girlfriend and then he proceeded to complain about the fact that he couldn’t find a relationship that was as good as Gena’s with her husband. Gena responded by saying:
- Excuse me, it’s no accident that we get along so well. It was a choice we both made and we work hard to maintain our relationship.
Many people assume that successful people get there by luck. Sometimes that happens, but usually successful people get where they are by commitment, hard work, good choices and sacrifice.
Success coach Jeffrey Armstrong tells the tale of a woman who went up to a great singer and said, “I’d give my life to be able to sing like you do.”
The singer responded,
- I did.
Some people try to make things look easier than they are. People need to know that great things don’t happen by accident.
April 29, 2008PowerPhrase ~ I’ve got a lot to tell you at the meeting
TV shows and newscasts use teasers – short introductions to upcoming segments to create anticipation. So why not use teasers for other areas of life? Why not create anticipation for that meal you’re creating, that date you and your spouse planned or a gathering you’re looking forward to? If you do, by the time the event happens, people will be primed to enjoy it.
You can even use teasers for meetings. For example, say.
- I’ve got a lot to tell you at the meeting.
- I’m looking forward to us catching up on events at the meeting tomorrow.
- I’ve been preparing for our meeting tomorrow and I’m looking forward to it.
Do that, and see if it doesn’t make for a more interesting meeting.
It certainly works for dates.
April 29, 2008This Week in the World ~ Who do you feed?
In PowerPhrases and on my website, I talk about the importance of “feeding” your higher nature and “starving” your lower nature. We all fall into small-mindedness at times, but the important question isn’t whether we ever think and feel negative, but what we do about it when we do.
In my recent travels, I met a lot of people who feed their higher nature, and one stands out in particular. But before I tell you about him, I’ll tell you about a couple of people I met who fed negativity.
One complained at an airport gate that we were boarding late, even though we had a light load and were able to leave on time. Another got on the phone when we landed to complain to someone about how Delta was always late and he would probably miss his connection. I looked at my watch, and noticed we were 8 minutes early.
I found it interesting that these people felt a need to feed misery over nothing. I found it inspiring that after I arrived at my destination, I met someone who fed joy. I took a cab with an African immigrant driver. What a contrast. This man (once prodded) told me the tale of how he had left his country when he was 16 due to civil war. He had no idea whether the rest of his family was dead or alive. My joyful driver had nothing to complain about.
Listen to people this week to notice if they feed their higher nature or their lower nature. And in particular, pay attention to what your thoughts and words feed.
April 29, 2008Poison Phrase ~ Pain Killer
The recent discussion about the word “termination” for ending employment heightened my sensitivity to militant terminology in our every day language. Which is why I heard the term “pain killer” with new ears today. The expression suggests aggression, but in fact, most “pain killers” are really pain blockers, and the best ones treat the pain by treating the source of pain.
If you consider pain to be a warning sign, the term “pain killer” could be analogous to “smoke-alarm destroyer.”
Does the term “pain killer” reflect our culture tendency toward aggression over working to resolve the source of our problems? I think it does.
April 23, 2008PowerPhrase ~ thanks for responding
Carla emailed a question to a vendor about a product. The vendor didn’t offer the product but took the time to respond with an informative email.
For most, that would be the exchange. But Carla took the time to reply,
- Thanks for taking the time to respond. Your response was quite useful.
Too often we forget the last step - letting people know we appreciate the time they take to help us.
