February 4, 2010Social media savvy and New Dymamics
My social media coach and Technology Cheerleader, Phyllis, is a sincere and savvy social networker. She helped me get my foundations, and had no problem when I put our process on hold to focus on other things. In the meantime, she sends me links to articles that tie into what I’m focused on and posts on my blog from time to time. Her helpfulness off the clock keeps her in mind for what I’m ready to go back on the clock.
Sharon is similar. She does a little research and writing for me, particularly in the area of disability, since that’s her focus. And she regularly sends me links to leads and articles she thinks I can use. I remembered her when I decided I could use some help in my disabilities in the revision of my Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors book.
Both like what I do, so it isn’t some kind of contrived formulaic strategy. It’s a sincere engagement that enhances continued engagement, and makes me want to do things like post about how great they are.
I could write about my new assistant too, but I better not get started on that. I’ll just say that the New Dynamics of Communication are relational, and people who engage naturally have a distinct advantage. And more fun, of course. I’m having lots of fun these days with my amazing formal and informal teams.
February 4, 2010SpeakStrong question: can suggestions wait?
Meryl,
Often times when I’m surrounded by deadlines I will receive a suggestion from an associate that requires a response. I’m working on developing a power phrase that would acknowledge the suggestion and suggest a course of action. I’d like to acknowledge they’ve been heard and at the same time put the ball back in their court.
I choose not to say something like “Intriguing idea, thanks for taking the time to share it. I’m swamped right now! I’m up to my lashes in deadlines and am busy juggling multiple projects. Just don’t have time right now to pursue this suggestion.”
That would be victim mentality at play and might insult the associate – or make them feel unimportant.
Do you have suggestions for tweaks?
Recommendation (after more correspondence)
So it seems what you really need to do is be clear about what you want and why, and then ask for it. Interestingly, I got this email from my McGraw Hill editor.
- I’d be more than willing to take a look at both proposals. Rather than send them to me now, though, since I’ll be out on vacation for a bit, email them to me after the New Year. That way, they’ll be at the top of my inbox!
Doesn’t that sound like exactly what you’ve been saying?
It’s kind of like a parent with 20 kids, who clearly can’t parent with the same attentiveness to each child that an only child gets. While they want each child to know they’re loved, there is a reality that must be accepted.
But since you do have periods where you’re more available, explain your project workload, tell them when the best time for you to review suggestions is, and have them ask themselves in between periods,
- Can it wait?
If it can, then ask that they hold those suggestions until the designated times. Otherwise, I assume you would want to field them as they arise.
If there are people who don’t quite get the message and offer suggestions freely in between times, your PowerPhrase is
Can it wait?
too, with a review of when you like to receive suggestions if it can
February 4, 2010Rankist Poison Phrase: I’ll have Nancy do that.
I deeply respect people who work for non-profits because they believe in the cause. Often they are overworked and underpaid. However, I do find that because they give so much, some develop a sense of entitlement that can carry over into how they treat volunteers. They need to watch for remarks like,
- I’ll have Nancy do that
that create an impression of servitude. Nancy, in this case, is a volunteer, and everything she does is service. Volunteers still need to be accountable and to do what they say they will, but they also need to know their service is appreciated. I don’t recommend anyone “having” others do things for them, even when they’re paid, But volunteers especially need wording that doesn’t sound like the manager is pulling rank.
- I’ll ask Nancy to do that
is a better choice of words.
February 4, 2010PowerPhrase: Passing rumors is gossip
Three “WikisRUs” employees were riding in a car discussing the management changes the company was going through. When they started sharing rumors, Nancy pulled out her cell phone (she wasn’t driving) and called her manager to ask questions about what she was hearing. She did that because she remembered her manager saying,
- Passing rumors instead of verifying them is a destructive form of gossip. Gossip doesn’t serve our team, but clarifying rumors does. I will respond to all questions about rumors you’ve heard.
Her manager was able to clear up most of the rumors, and her team members discovered they were better off verifying rumors than spreading them too.
February 4, 2010Dewey the Library Cat has emotional clout
My husband and I have been reading Dewey the Library Cat before bed for two months, and as we neared the final chapters, we knew what was coming. Still, tears streamed down my cheeks as we read about how Dewey died. When my husband closed the book, he said, “We read the entire Little House series. Ma and Pa died and Mary went blind. Why are we crying over Dewey?”
Because Dewey the Library Cat is written from a very intimate and personal perspective. The author shares her heart and hardships with a sweetness that never gives way to bitterness. Instead of becoming bitter, she loves Dewey and her town and all the tragically flawed people in her life.And she lets us in on her inner experience as well as the outer details of her life.
Read the Amazon reviews here. Dewey: The Small Town Cat Who Touched the World. A few one star reviews point out genuine flaws in the book, but most of the reviewers overlook those flaws because Dewey the Library Cat carries emotional clout. People are far more forgiving when they sense authenticity.
Dewey was a somewhat remarkable cat. and Vicki, his owner, is a simple human like the rest of us. Both help us see how remarkable the “ordinary” really is. They show how much emotional clout there can be in simple lives simply lived. Our own lives have emotional clout too, if we let them.
January 14, 2010“Rankism:” A new favorite word. And unfavorite practice.
My friend Evan told me about the word “rankism” today. Here’s what wikipedia says about it.
Rankism is a term coined by physicist, educator, and citizen diplomat Robert W. Fuller. Fuller has defined rankism as: “abusive, discriminatory, or exploitative behavior towards people who have less power because of their lower rank in a particular hierarchy”[1]. Fuller claims that rankism also describes the abuse of the power inherent in superior rank, with the view that rank-based abuse underlies many other phenomena such as bullying, racism, sexism, and homophobia.
What an interesting perspective! Like other biases, it can be so subtle we don’t see it. Or so pronounced we think it’s a given.
January 13, 2010Losing my preachiness with a manuscript do-over
Do you ewer wish you could have a do-over and say things in a new and different way? I have that opportunity. I’m rewriting my Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors book. I’m tightening the writing and changing the tone. There are some places and ways where I’ve needed to loose some preachiness.
Life is a lot more fun in the game than it is passing judgment from the sidelines. Language reveals which you’re doing. Read more about it here.
January 12, 2010MBTS: Management by throwing spaghetti at the wall
Management authors and consultants are apt to name and define new management styles such as MBO: Management by Objective, and MBWA: Management by Walking Around. I have my own style. I call it MBTS. That’s Management by Throwing Spaghetti at the Wall.
First you throw ideas out to see what sticks, and what associates do with the ideas. You don’t tell them what you want because you don’t know until you see what sticks to the wall. That tells you what spaghetti to throw at it next. Eventually the projects get defined.
Some associates love it and others… well… they find it maddening. They prefer to start with a recipe – with a concrete list of action steps. You’ll get to those lists eventually once you’ve sorted the spaghetti. And it will be a much better list than you would have if you started in a linear fashion.
Stephen Covey would call it cultivating synergy. I call it reciprocal engagement. Whatever it is, it requires a good level of comfort with ambiguity. And whatever it is, it works really well… if you can stand it.
January 12, 2010Dewey the Library Cat catalyzes communication. Don’t dismiss the fluff.
My husband and I are reading and enjoying Dewey: The Small Town Cat Who Touched the World.
The book is ostensibly about a somewhat remarkable cat that lived in an Iowa library. But it’s also about the pleasures and the trials and tribulations of Midwestern life and of the author, Vicki Myron. Dewey provides a doorway into the mind and heart of a cancer survivor. He provides a lot of doorways.
Animals can be amazing communication catalysts. And some of the most meaningful conversations we have can spring from seeming fluff. Pardon my pun, but it’s true. If you’re too quick to dismiss the fluff, you might miss the depth.
January 12, 2010reader question about coworkers who abuse sick leave
Meryl,
How would you go about addressing an issue regarding your co-workers abusing vacation and sick leave time? Two of my co-workers use and abuse their leave as soon as they earn it. My Administrator does not seem to want to address this issue and it is causing low morale for those of us who are at work every day and get stuck handling additional responsibilities.
Suggestion,
You use the word abuse to describe what your coworkers do. Do you think they would agree with your word choice? I’m not there, but I suspect they might choose a different word like… oh …say enjoy.
Your coworker might be slackers who are gaming the system at everyone else’s expense. Or they might be people who like their time off and have different assumptions about what leave time is for. They might think everyone should use the time like they do and be happy to reciprocate covering for when their colleagues leave.
So instead of abuser/victim language, talk about it in terms of needing to operate under the same understanding of what the time is for. Your administrator might be more willing to address the issue if it’s framed without accusation. Something like this:
- Most of us see vacation time as something we plan in advance so our co-workers can arrange to cover for us. We see sick time as being for when we’re really ill. Some of us operate under a different mindset, and it’s creating low morale for those who feel overloaded when our collegues take off. Can we collaborate and clarify our policies around time-off so we can minimize surprises and all enjoy our days away without guilt or disharmony?
Again, since I don’t know the situation, this might not apply – but do let me know.
