Comments on: Have it Your Way

By: Susan

Susan — Thu, 11 May 2006 03:50:10 +0000

My friend Laura was in her 2nd year of pre-med before she had an epiphany: she did not want to be a doctor. She had as a child, her parents helped her plan her high school classes to pave the way. Each year of undergrad was harder and harder; the joy of learning lost. She finally approached her parents about changing her major and the scenes she expected played out. Then in the midst of the strife, she blurts out to her mom, “Why don’t you go to school to be a doctor?” Laura fed her arguments back to her mom and she agreed! She went back to school. She went for nursing and had quite a late-bloomer career. Laura? She has an MBA and has her own career on track.

I’ve always wanted to tell a long story first to make a point! If her mom’s dream is the wedding, suggest that her mom have her own dream second wedding, renew their vows, and have a honeymoon–the works.

Laura actually had this predicament, too, because she wanted to get married in the church she grew up in and not everyone would fit. She didn’t explain it perhaps–or her father’s friends were confused over their welcome because they didn’t come. There was still over 300 people so it was labeled a “success.”

By: Carol Lathrop

Carol Lathrop — Wed, 10 May 2006 18:35:44 +0000

Having been the Mother of the Bride recently (and a Meeting Planner by trade), I must say that I agree with Meryls’ advice. One caution I would like to offer is to remember there are two families being affected here (the groom’s and the bride’s). While the wishes of the bride and groom should always be honored, it needs to be acknowledged that each set of parents have visions of this very important day, also.

The bride and groom need to realize that their parents love them very much. Out of that love comes the desire to be a part of the planning and excitement leading up to the wedding, not necessarily to dictate how it is to be done.

My suggestion is to get both sets of parents in the same room with the bride and groom to discuss this. I find it helpful for all parties to come up with a 3 column list regarding the event. One column for the ‘must be included’, one column for the ‘must be avoided’ and the third for the ‘wish list’ or ‘would be nice to include’. When the parties come together, they should agree that the bride and groom’s list is the master. Then together they should use their problem solving skills to determine how best to include or avoid the parent’s issues.

The last thing is to assign duties or areas of responsibilities to each set of parents so they feel part of the process. The hardest part for the bride and groom is to keep positive family relationships intact. After all, when the honeymoon is over, this is what matters. Good luck to all!

By: Chris

Chris — Wed, 10 May 2006 17:18:41 +0000

I would suggest to those who question the couple’s plans: Perhaps the desire has been to be be married in a special place that is small, only accomodating a few guest? Does the bride &/or groom having trouble speaking in front of large groups, have soft voices that do not carry well? The wedding itself can often be like being on stage with the bride and groom having to perform. Those invited to the ceremony would be doubly honored, a great treat for those truly closest to the couple. The reception is a big party and can be treated as such. Think how much more relaxed the couple would be at their own reception if it followed the ceremony of their choosing. Weddings should not be treated as paybacks for parental social obligations; ie. ” we went to the Jones’ wedding so they must be invited” Getting married is such a major step and with all the changes marriage itself brings, stresses put on by other people regarding “the event” should be put in the proper perspective. The bride & groom should stand their ground, and politely say “This is what we choose for our special day” Best of luck to them….. MOB (Mother of the Bride)2004