May 4, 2006MYOB: An Overly Interested Coworker
Meryl,
I have a co-worker in my office that constantly eavesdrops on everyone’s conversations. She not only eavesdrops, but she makes comments on our conversations – all the time. The other day I was talking to an important person on the telephone and she positioned her chair to directly fact my office so she could get a better listen. I peered around the corner to let her know I was aware of her eavesdropping, but that did not deter her. She even listens to my conversation when I’m meeting with someone in my office. I understand that when you work in a smaller office you sometimes can’t help but hear your co-workers talking, but this is out of control. I did bring up the subject of privacy in a staff meeting months ago, but she didn’t get the hint. We want to have an “intervention” but we’re not too sure what to say to her that will have an impact. Please give me the words to tell her that we don’t appreciate this type of behavior and it’s creating animosity in the office.
Meryl Responds:
It sounds like you’re thinking about going from zero to 70 with the feedback. Some people don’t take hints. I would tell her
- It seems to me that you are listening in, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I understand it is difficult not to hear what goes on, but I would appreciate your doing your best to ignore my conversations with others.
You may want to verify your perceptions. You could say,
- Were you listening? If you were, I’d appreciate your not concerning yourself with my conversations.
When she comments on your conversations, say,
- It seems like you were listening to my conversation. I’d rather you don’t, and I prefer not to hear your comments about my private conversations.
The basic communication formula here is: I think…I feel….I understand that…and I want… The tone to use is one of providing feedback and information. She seems to have no idea there is a problem, and that is probably because no one is telling her…they are telling each other instead. So talk with the understanding that the problem is co-created by her initial offense and the unwillingness of people to offer direct feedback.
Let me know how this goes so I can send a Pippi! J
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I agree, from the description of the eavesdropper’s behaviour that there is a problem which needs addressing. But I would be curious to know what types of conversations are being described. There is another side to this issue. In the present day cubicle environment, it is virtually impossible to have a private conversation. Management and leadership employees should be provided with private areas where private conversations can be held. When someone is on the telephone, that is clearly a private conversation, which most of us pretend to or actually tune out of. But when people in a shared work area want to have a private conversation, I think they should probably consider leaving the area. There is much I hear on a daily basis that I really DON’T WANT to hear, especially in this day when apparently all topics are okay’d for public consumption. People around me - especially the women I’m embarrassed to say - frequently discuss such topics as their bodily functions, their mating habits, and all the latest sensationalized child abuse and murder cases. I am sure they think of these conversations as “private” between them and the person they are directing their comments to. But in truth, anyone in a 25′ radius can hear much of what they say. Whether they want to or not. When I am having what I consider to be a private conversation, and I feel someone is listening uninvited, I stop talking and look at them pleasantly and expectantly, until they either say whatever they came to say, or they get the message that they are not welcome to that particular conversation. This has never failed me yet.
Comment by Kathleen DuBois — May 11, 2006 @ 7:44 am