May 4, 2006Tiptoe Round the Sensitive Subject
Meryl -
Thank you for your Speakstrong notes, (email I actually enjoy getting), and for the opportunity to get your thoughts. I have a friend and she and I have been acting as accountability partners, otherwise this wouldn’t be my business. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to give this feedback nor make a positive suggestion. We are both Christians, and have small businesses, the observation, I believe I should share is, that she is spending a lot of time in bible studies, mentoring and at other such volunteer activities, all the while she has concerns, as does her husband about needing to make more money & work. When I have tried to approach this subject, my thoughts have come out badly, I have only briefly mentioned her need to set boundaries. I feel I’m letting our relationship down, by not finding away to give her this feedback and to do it in a gently way. Thank you in advance for your ideas
Meryl Responds:
I so relate to this – I have a friend who lost her house because (IMO) her spiritual life overshadowed her business. Personally, I find that when my physical and financial needs are taken care of, I am much more settled, my heart is more open and I have more to give. My experience is that by cutting back on my spiritual pursuits, I became more spiritual because it became based on a firmer foundation.
Perhaps you have a similar experience you can share.
I’d say,
- There’s a thought I’ve been dancing around because I think you may not want to consider it, and I often find that if I don’t want to talk about something, it usually means I need to. I wonder if the amount of time you invest in the church interferes too much with your work. I think you may be out of balance, and that could be a source of stress. I admire all you do, and yet I’d like to explore that possibility with you. I’d also like to explore why I’m so hesitant to speak about this.
Whatch think? I’ll post it for comments.
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If you are truly accountability partners, then you should be able to approach the subject with her. I would say something like: You have expressed some concerns about money and I feel that by keeping quiet about the situation, I am not being a true friend. It seems that if you scheduled your study time and your time for ministry, you could easily work more hours.”
Remember that God is not the author of confusion but that all things should be done properly and in an orderly manner. If this is not the case, is all of the time spent studying doing any good. There is a saying that “you can be so heavenly minded that you are no earthly good”.
Comment by Pamela — May 10, 2006 @ 2:58 pm
Thank you, Thank you Meryl and Pam! My friend is out of town but I intend to use your ideas when she gets back, I feel much more at peace about it now.
Comment by Kathleen Roberts — May 17, 2006 @ 12:45 pm
Our church has lately been reminding its members not to let church activities cause them to neglect other priorities in their lives, such as work and family. Balance and proportion are essential to a healthy existence, regardless of what the extracurricular activity may be.
Comment by Charles Sakai, Japanese Cowboy — July 9, 2008 @ 8:14 am