Comments on: I Never Promised You A Rose Garden http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/05/12/i-never-promised-you-a-rose-garden/ By Meryl Runion and SpeakStrong, Inc. Mon, 01 Dec 2008 19:51:58 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: Patty Thomas http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/05/12/i-never-promised-you-a-rose-garden/#comment-145 Patty Thomas Thu, 06 Jul 2006 17:48:38 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/05/12/i-never-promised-you-a-rose-garden/#comment-145 I have 2 comments: First, I think generationally children raised in the 60's and 70's were raised to not talk back hense the phrase "children are to be seen and not heard." As an adult I began to realize this created an irrational fear of speaking up due to the fear of being punished even though it was no longer an option. As I began to speak up my Dad became very uncomfortable with the "loss of control" and shut down. I have remained persistant in trying to convince him this could improve our realtionship and slowly he is starting to come around. You are one of the lucky ones to have a father that is equally interested in bettering your relationship. Second, I agree with your Dad that speaking up even with perfect phrases can be difficult especially if the other party is not interested in changing the dynamics of the current relationship. It was refreshing to hear that he also has struggled but is still trying to change for the better. I feel that I was unable to learn how to speak up as a child therefore had to learn as an adult the skills I needed. As a parent I have allowed my children to speak up (although difficult) so they were able to learn how to express their feelings. As young adults they are miles ahead of me and I consider that my reward. I have 2 comments: First, I think generationally children raised in the 60’s and 70’s were raised to not talk back hense the phrase “children are to be seen and not heard.” As an adult I began to realize this created an irrational fear of speaking up due to the fear of being punished even though it was no longer an option. As I began to speak up my Dad became very uncomfortable with the “loss of control” and shut down. I have remained persistant in trying to convince him this could improve our realtionship and slowly he is starting to come around. You are one of the lucky ones to have a father that is equally interested in bettering your relationship.

Second, I agree with your Dad that speaking up even with perfect phrases can be difficult especially if the other party is not interested in changing the dynamics of the current relationship. It was refreshing to hear that he also has struggled but is still trying to change for the better. I feel that I was unable to learn how to speak up as a child therefore had to learn as an adult the skills I needed. As a parent I have allowed my children to speak up (although difficult) so they were able to learn how to express their feelings. As young adults they are miles ahead of me and I consider that my reward.

]]> By: Mary Vroman http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/05/12/i-never-promised-you-a-rose-garden/#comment-70 Mary Vroman Wed, 24 May 2006 20:27:07 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/05/12/i-never-promised-you-a-rose-garden/#comment-70 I also used to walk on "egg shells" around my Dad. One day, I had it out with him and let him know how much it hurt to have him constantly correct everything I did or said (it felt like I could do nothing right). Ever since then and until his death last November, we grew closer and closer because I felt I could have adult-type conversations with him. I also used to walk on “egg shells” around my Dad. One day, I had it out with him and let him know how much it hurt to have him constantly correct everything I did or said (it felt like I could do nothing right). Ever since then and until his death last November, we grew closer and closer because I felt I could have adult-type conversations with him.

]]> By: Kathleen Roberts http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/05/12/i-never-promised-you-a-rose-garden/#comment-61 Kathleen Roberts Wed, 17 May 2006 17:09:22 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/05/12/i-never-promised-you-a-rose-garden/#comment-61 just wanted to say YEAH Dad! How great you have the time to have honest communications. just wanted to say YEAH Dad! How great you have the time to have honest communications.

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