May 12, 2006More than Just a Sign
Meryl,
A colleague had some hand written signs up directing people to the conference room. I suggested she could have easily printed them on the computer and it would have made a better impression on visiting participants. She responded by saying,
- I didn’t ask your opinion. You really are amazing.
I was offended, but then I wondered if I came across to harsh. Perhaps this was all my fault. What do you think?
Meryl Responds,
I love to give advice and regret that others don’t always appreciate it. It may be how you said it, but since your colleague got snarky, it wasn’t easy to find out. It would have worked better if she had explained that she was offended and why rather than striking out. And you could have…and still can say:
Obviously I offended you with my remarks the other day. I apologize if I came across as harsh or critical. My intention was to make a positive suggestion. I’d like to be free to offer suggestions and for you to be able to help me do it in a way that works for us both. Are you willing?
That way you could find out how you come across and find resolution instead of leaving it in this adversarial tone. Good luck.
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In addition to the statement in your response, offer to help on future occasions when signage might be required.
Comment by Judy Phillips — May 17, 2006 @ 11:23 am
I know this situation well, from both sides. I tend to give advice “freely” also, but over time I have learned a few ground rules. For one, it’s not helpful to point out the obvious, especially if it is too late to change what is done. If the friend is an adult and lives in the 21st century, I am sure she was well aware that printed signs would have made a better impression. But for whatever reason, lack of time, lack of materials, etc, she probably did the best she could under the circumstances. Rather than point out the obvious short coming, why not praise her for taking the time in spite of her limited time or whatever. For another, before offering the advice, find out if the other person wants your advice! It comes across as arrogant to assume others are just waiting for you to tell them what they need to do.
Comment by Kathleen DuBois — May 18, 2006 @ 7:35 am
It seems that two key facts are missing here.
Did the colleague have time to print the signs off after the comment? If not, then she may have wondered why your reader made the comment. The only effect that it could have at that time would be to make her feel bad, to show that the reader was smarter than her colleague.
Was the colleague working too hard on conference matters? If so, then she probably wasn’t being 100% on top of things — and was probably only too aware of that fact. In this case, again, she could do nothing about the comment but feel bad.
She should not have become defensive and attacked. But it seems that we are missing key information to judge her reaction fairly.
Comment by Robert Magnan — May 24, 2006 @ 10:49 am