June 14, 2006Rehashing the Past

I recently started a new job in a new position created to help ease the work load for another manager. We are peers.

When we work together, a good portion of the time is spent with him recounting how awful things were in the past (before I came onboard). Too much time in my estimation & becoming a waste of time. Too much negative energy being spent on the past.

I’ve put up with these almost daily “therapy” sessions but am really sick of hearing how it was in the past and what was done, etc.

How can I respond in a way that will stop this recounting of a painful past experience & move forward with him?

Meryl Responds

Tell him,

Obviously you were overloaded before I came. I get frustrated hearing about that because I can’t change what happened before. I’d like to focus on making things happen now.

The key is to redirect the conversation every time he brings it around to how bad it was. Here are some other potential phrases.

I’m trying to give up the habit of complaining about the past and I’d like for us to focus on how things are now.
When we complain about the past I feel bogged down. I’d like for us to move forward.

Remember, generally guys don’t take hints, so whatever you say, don’t expect him to get an embedded message.