Comments on: The Courage to Speak http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/06/14/the-courage-to-speak/ By Meryl Runion and SpeakStrong, Inc. Mon, 01 Dec 2008 20:52:06 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: merylrunion http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/06/14/the-courage-to-speak/#comment-132 merylrunion Thu, 22 Jun 2006 14:46:46 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/06/14/the-courage-to-speak/#comment-132 Connie, I love your post! It's so good to recognize that we aren't all naturally comfortable around people. In fact, in any group of people, chances are most of them are uncomfortable meeting new people! It helps me to realize that, because it gives me a job to do...help others feel at ease. That takes the attention off my own discomfort. BTW, my Dad grew up on a farm in Iceland and he remembers the first time he saw someone outside the family, it was so isolated! Scary moment! I was talking with an extraverted friend last night about our different approaches to life. She and I go to the same conventions but she goes to every party, meets 30 people for every one I meet and loves every moment. I am not the fish in water at those events that she is. Yet she was very happy when I told her that I hear a lot of extraverted speakers say they should write a book and I'm not so sure they should. They reach people in a different way and in a way that is easy for them. It would be a pity if we all acted like extraverts because we thought we should, and only discovered after it was all over that there were many who would have been more comfortable had we been ourselves. And it would be a pity if extraverts dipped further into the introvert world than necessary because they thought they should. We all need to "adjust", of course. I also know that I have sometimes tried to adjust to the point of not honoring who I am, and life improves when I don't do that. As with everything, it's a balance. But what we don't need to compromise is our acceptance of our own essential nature. Thankfully, the world needs us all. Connie, I love your post! It’s so good to recognize that we aren’t all naturally comfortable around people. In fact, in any group of people, chances are most of them are uncomfortable meeting new people! It helps me to realize that, because it gives me a job to do…help others feel at ease. That takes the attention off my own discomfort. BTW, my Dad grew up on a farm in Iceland and he remembers the first time he saw someone outside the family, it was so isolated! Scary moment!

I was talking with an extraverted friend last night about our different approaches to life. She and I go to the same conventions but she goes to every party, meets 30 people for every one I meet and loves every moment. I am not the fish in water at those events that she is. Yet she was very happy when I told her that I hear a lot of extraverted speakers say they should write a book and I’m not so sure they should. They reach people in a different way and in a way that is easy for them.

It would be a pity if we all acted like extraverts because we thought we should, and only discovered after it was all over that there were many who would have been more comfortable had we been ourselves. And it would be a pity if extraverts dipped further into the introvert world than necessary because they thought they should. We all need to “adjust”, of course. I also know that I have sometimes tried to adjust to the point of not honoring who I am, and life improves when I don’t do that. As with everything, it’s a balance. But what we don’t need to compromise is our acceptance of our own essential nature. Thankfully, the world needs us all.

]]> By: Connie Kirkwood http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/06/14/the-courage-to-speak/#comment-122 Connie Kirkwood Wed, 21 Jun 2006 18:09:53 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/06/14/the-courage-to-speak/#comment-122 My thanks to Lee & Meryl for expressing exactly the feelings I have had most of my life. My mother is an introvert, my father an extrovert who expected me to be as outgoing as he - no option! I learned at a very early age to "act" the part. People generally believe whatever you project on the surface and rarely look further. My professional life has also been filled with positions requiring an outgoing personality; as a corporate instructor, a project manager, and a support manager to name a few. I doubt if most people who know me would ever believe that I am uncomfortable in any type of public situation while I wonder if I will ever be truly comfortable in any of them. Some might say this is deceiptful. I would rather call it "adjusting". My thanks to Lee & Meryl for expressing exactly the feelings I have had most of my life. My mother is an introvert, my father an extrovert who expected me to be as outgoing as he - no option! I learned at a very early age to “act” the part. People generally believe whatever you project on the surface and rarely look further. My professional life has also been filled with positions requiring an outgoing personality; as a corporate instructor, a project manager, and a support manager to name a few. I doubt if most people who know me would ever believe that I am uncomfortable in any type of public situation while I wonder if I will ever be truly comfortable in any of them. Some might say this is deceiptful. I would rather call it “adjusting”.

]]> By: merylrunion http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/06/14/the-courage-to-speak/#comment-114 merylrunion Tue, 20 Jun 2006 21:41:18 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/06/14/the-courage-to-speak/#comment-114 Great comments! I know I'm onto something when the opposite can also be fairly argued. Brent's comments point out the subtlties of the point I make of how our words can create the very things we wish to overcome, and Lee's point out that what seems to be no big deal to one person can be close to traumatic to another. It surprises some to learn that I am not really an extravert and I know the fear Lee points out. I always like acknowledging what is, and feeding what we want it to be. Great comments! I know I’m onto something when the opposite can also be fairly argued. Brent’s comments point out the subtlties of the point I make of how our words can create the very things we wish to overcome, and Lee’s point out that what seems to be no big deal to one person can be close to traumatic to another. It surprises some to learn that I am not really an extravert and I know the fear Lee points out. I always like acknowledging what is, and feeding what we want it to be.

]]> By: Brent Sprunger http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/06/14/the-courage-to-speak/#comment-108 Brent Sprunger Thu, 15 Jun 2006 19:11:17 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/06/14/the-courage-to-speak/#comment-108 PERFECT! I love and promote this mindset. I was tempted to write I promote this mindset "wherever I can." Of course, that would mean that there are places I can't! Ah... the learning moments never cease. This logic should be followed in other areas of life. When we act as if we're holding on to the end we miss the current NOW. When we live for our ship to come in we assume we are not on the ship NOW. When we strive to be a "survivor" we assume there are dire things to survive. Of course there are facts of life that change (or correct) our course. But are they any less than divine? Thanks for the "courage" to point out your own poison phrase! PERFECT! I love and promote this mindset. I was tempted to write I promote this mindset “wherever I can.” Of course, that would mean that there are places I can’t! Ah… the learning moments never cease.

This logic should be followed in other areas of life. When we act as if we’re holding on to the end we miss the current NOW. When we live for our ship to come in we assume we are not on the ship NOW. When we strive to be a “survivor” we assume there are dire things to survive. Of course there are facts of life that change (or correct) our course. But are they any less than divine?

Thanks for the “courage” to point out your own poison phrase!

]]> By: Lee Beaumont http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/06/14/the-courage-to-speak/#comment-107 Lee Beaumont Thu, 15 Jun 2006 18:47:37 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/06/14/the-courage-to-speak/#comment-107 The phrase “the courage to speak” may very appropriately address a fear common to introverts. Personality theories recognize a dimension labeled with "extrovert" and one pole and "introvert" at the other. Extroverts enjoy being in groups of people and gain energy from it. Introverts find that conversing in a group of people is very taxing; it causes anxiety and drains energy. Our world is about ¾ extroverts and only ¼ introverts. Making a phone call can sometimes be nothing less than an act of courage for an introvert. A face to face conversation on a potentially contentious topic can seem truly daunting. As a personality trait it represents an intrinsic difference among people that cannot be changed after reaching adulthood, and probably not even earlier. It is a largely genetic trait. As an introvert who has worked successfully in the business world for decades, and given auditorium talks at international conferences, I have been able to play the role of an extrovert, but I have never become entirely comfortable with it. Encouragement, training, practice, and experience can build skills and confidence, but it can never change the fundamental nervous system mechanisms that quickly overload the senses of an introvert. So for some of us, speaking truly does require courage. The phrase “the courage to speak” may very appropriately address a fear common to introverts. Personality theories recognize a dimension labeled with “extrovert” and one pole and “introvert” at the other. Extroverts enjoy being in groups of people and gain energy from it. Introverts find that conversing in a group of people is very taxing; it causes anxiety and drains energy. Our world is about ¾ extroverts and only ¼ introverts. Making a phone call can sometimes be nothing less than an act of courage for an introvert. A face to face conversation on a potentially contentious topic can seem truly daunting. As a personality trait it represents an intrinsic difference among people that cannot be changed after reaching adulthood, and probably not even earlier. It is a largely genetic trait. As an introvert who has worked successfully in the business world for decades, and given auditorium talks at international conferences, I have been able to play the role of an extrovert, but I have never become entirely comfortable with it. Encouragement, training, practice, and experience can build skills and confidence, but it can never change the fundamental nervous system mechanisms that quickly overload the senses of an introvert.

So for some of us, speaking truly does require courage.

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